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#Post#: 38673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Kimberami Date: September 13, 2019, 12:35 pm
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It's really the totality of the complaints that signals
ingratitude to the hosting family. I wouldn't want them back in
my house again either. If the situation was so miserable, does
Becky really want to go back?
#Post#: 38675--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Hanna Date: September 13, 2019, 12:37 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1328.msg38668#msg38668
date=1568391915]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1328.msg38666#msg38666
date=1568391376]
[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1328.msg38626#msg38626
date=1568375592]
I don’t think any negative thoughts should be included in a
thank you note. It negates the whole purpose of the note. The
only thing I would have thought my hosts might need to hear is
about the plumbing not draining but that should have been done
in person or the phone as a helpful heads up rather than one of
many suggestions that would have made someone else’s home more
acceptable to her and disguised as a thank you at that.
[/quote]
Seriously! It’s not a hotel. If the hostess wanted feedback she
would have left out comment cards.
I also doubt she “banned” them. Probably just told her MIL “meh,
they don’t have to come back.”
[/quote]
Or said, "They can stay in a hotel next time. I'm serious."
You know what? Becky will probably be happier.
[/quote]
Plus Mae is already living with her MIL. Should she really have
to put up with me "I just got married 15 minutes ago and
probably don't have my own house in order yet" criticizing her
hospitality in the form of "helpful hints"?
I'd just have chuckle if Mae took that "Becky would welcome this
sort of advice" seriously and started giving her helpful tips in
return.
#Post#: 38709--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: LifeOnPluto Date: September 14, 2019, 1:20 am
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Oh dear... Becky seems confused as to the difference between
staying in an AirBnB / hotel, and a close relative's house.
Seriously, I'd be pretty annoyed too, if I were Mae, and I'd be
inclined to say "Fine, next time, stay somewhere else." Not to
mention the low-key sexism in Becky addressing all of her
complaints to Mae - why not Mae's husband? Presumably it's his
house too?
#Post#: 38712--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Star Wars Fan Date: September 14, 2019, 3:06 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1328.msg38664#msg38664
date=1568389378]
[quote author=Star Wars Fan link=topic=1328.msg38620#msg38620
date=1568353654]
Yes what Becky did was dumb on her part but Mae is really
overreacting. Not that she doesn't have a right be upset because
I know I would be but banning them from ever staying at their
house again is excessive. Becky needs to apologize and never do
that again, and realize that most people aren't going to react
very well to that kind of critiquing. Like some other people
have said I would've mentioned the tub drain after I'd bathed
because that does seem like something they should know but Becky
should've never said a thing about anything else. I do think
they can work things out but it'll take some time for them to
reconcile.
Ed.
[/quote]
i agree.
I think Mae is OK to send news of her offendedness back up the
chain, but to ban them is a bit of an overreaction.
I'm wondering if there was other stuff DURING the visit that was
annoying/offensive, and this was just the last straw.
[/quote]
I'd say banning them from ever visiting again is an EXTREME
overreaction but that's probably just me.
Ed.
#Post#: 38713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Aleko Date: September 14, 2019, 4:25 am
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[quote]... the low-key sexism in addressing all of her
complaints to Mae - why not Mae's husband? Presumably it's his
house too?[/quote]
Well, it was a bread-and-butter letter, and there is a school of
thought that holds that these should be addressed to the hostess
only rather than the couple. (Which of course is sexist in
itself, but of the sanctioned-by-tradition variety.)
BTW, where do we get this about the MIL living with LW and
Becky? Was it in the Hax article? (Which isn't available from
the UK.)
#Post#: 38714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Rose Red Date: September 14, 2019, 7:45 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1328.msg38713#msg38713
date=1568453113]
BTW, where do we get this about the MIL living with LW and
Becky? Was it in the Hax article? (Which isn't available from
the UK.)
[/quote]
The LW says their mom lives with his brother, and mom has asked
them to mend fences with the homeowners so they can be welcomed
again.
The LW also used phrases such as "helpful hints" and "slight
hosting deficiencies" in his letter to Carolyn :o ::). He's as
rude and clueless as his wife Becky so lets not put all the
blame on Becky. I'm sure Becky also placed his name in the
"thank you" letter with his full approval.
Edited to remove a word. I got names mixed up.
#Post#: 38716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: gramma dishes Date: September 14, 2019, 8:25 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1328.msg38714#msg38714
date=1568465151]
The LW also used phrases such as "helpful hints" and "slight
hosting deficiencies" in his letter to Carolyn :o ::).
[/quote]
Yes, this was the phrase that really made me strongly side with
Mae. I wouldn't want to have them back as guests either. Both
of them are major jerks.
#Post#: 38717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: gramma dishes Date: September 14, 2019, 8:28 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1328.msg38713#msg38713
date=1568453113]
BTW, where do we get this about the MIL living with LW and
Becky? Was it in the Hax article? (Which isn't available from
the UK.)
[/quote]
The MIL lives with the brother whose home was visited and his
wife Mae, not with the LW and Becky.
#Post#: 38732--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: Andi_3k Date: September 14, 2019, 5:23 pm
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Although I VEHEMENTY disagree with how it was approached, I
don't see how the carbs issue is any different than any other
dietary preference or restriction. It should have been addressed
before the visit, rather than after, but if the guest has an
issue with how the host lives/eats they can stay elsewhere.
Similarly, if the host has an issue with how the guest
lives/eats they can decline to host. Sending a list of
complaints afterwards is a cheap shot and would make the person
doing it unwelcome in many homes I know of, even if they were
family.
I don't think Mae is over reacting, she's been told her
accomodations are subpar, that has to hurt, and it would make it
hard to be gracious again. It does not even seem Becky said
"could we have other options next time?" but with all the other
complaints I would take it as "your diet needs to change because
I am there" - if that was the only issue, I might take it
differently but the list of "definciencies" would just take it
to another level. For a more reasonable guest I would lay in
more fruit and protien options but I am one of those weirdoes
that NEEDS heavy carbs for breakfast - otherwise I am hungry a
half hour later.
#Post#: 38733--------------------------------------------------
Re: Carolyn Hax: Guest Banned
By: TootsNYC Date: September 14, 2019, 5:31 pm
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Actually the carbs thing was couched (by the letter writer, I
don't know how accurately it reflect what Becky wrote) this way:
"a lot of people can't eat carb-heavy meals first thing in the
morning"
This is more than a personal preference; this an "everybody
knows..." kind of criticism.
(and sorry, Becky, but in my own experience, most people do eat
carb-heavy meals: bagels, toast, cereal, muffins, Danishes,
croissants...)
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