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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 38590--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: jpcher
Date: September 12, 2019, 3:44 pm
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It sounds like you have your own support group for support group
pushers right here! I'm agreeing with everybody else.
Wishing you the best throughout your treatment.
#Post#: 38691--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: September 13, 2019, 2:38 pm
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Thanks, Everyone!
I am doing well and have about 13 chemo treatments to go. Then
they will decide what type of surgery I will need. I suspect
this woman was just surprised to be told no right from the get
go. Apparently, according to one of my nurses, most people say
"I'll think about it" then just never show up.
#Post#: 38695--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: Twik
Date: September 13, 2019, 2:57 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> I am currently going through treatment for breast cancer.
Doing well.
>
> I received a call from a support group run by the treatment
center I am using. The woman on the phone was very polite and
told me when the group was meeting next.
>
> Between my amazing family and friends (including one who's
been through the same treatment) I am very well supported and
cared for. I am not interested in joining a group. I know
others find them helpful and I would never tell someone not to
join if they felt it was needed.
>
> I said to the woman that I was not interested. She kept
explaining why I would find it helpful. When she took a breath
I said "no, I'm not interested in joining".
>
> Her response was "I just don't understand why you won't join
our group".
>
> I said "Because I don't want to" and hung up.
>
--- End Quote ---
I salute you! This group could quite likely end up being less
support and more distress if this is how they act.
#Post#: 38697--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: ti_ax
Date: September 13, 2019, 3:08 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> [...]
>
> Her response was "I just don't understand why you won't join
our group".
>
> [...]
--- End Quote ---
Answer: "You don't need to understand. You just need to accept."
Best wishes for complete recovery. Beaglemommy.
#Post#: 39857--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: Raintree
Date: October 4, 2019, 8:32 pm
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Ugh, that would have made me mad. I am glad you didn't "JADE."
My sister reported something similar when trauma counselling was
available on the campus where she teaches because something
tragic had happened to a student while on campus. She did not
know the student. But administration was pushbecing trauma
counseling on her. She was sorry for the family and other loved
ones of the student who died, but she told them, "I didn't know
him, and I don't need trauma counseling." She was irritated that
they were so insistent that she needed the trauma counselors.
Nothing remotely of that nature has ever happened to me
(thankfully, and touch wood) but I remember when I was 25 and a
guy dumped me suddenly and I was devastated, and I wanted to
stay home that evening and grieve for the relationship, and my
room-mate was super pushy about wanting to take me around to
clubs that evening and have a good time, because "it's not
healthy to stay home and mope, you have to get out." That
annoyed me because it had literally JUST happened and I wanted
to grieve in my own way, and here she was being all pushy about
wanting me to go out on the town.
And recently my mother had a life-changing surgery, medically
necessary but something she never wanted to have to do (OK it
means she has to wear an ostomy bag). The ostomy nurse gave her
information for a support group, and gatherings where you get to
meet other people with ostomy bags. I know my mother well enough
to know she'd never go for such a thing. She has friends, and
family, and is not interested in going to gatherings to hang out
with people whose only thing in common with her is an ostomy
bag.
We got home and I held up the literature we'd been given and
said, "I'm guessing you're not interested in this ostomy support
group." She recoiled and waved her hand at it to indicate, "Yes,
get rid of that."
Some people find comfort in that sort of thing. Others want
nothing to do with it. Neither way is bad. Just one should not
inflict their feelings about it onto others who might feel
differently.
#Post#: 39871--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 5, 2019, 2:52 am
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--- Quote ---
> Answer: "You don't need to understand. You just need to
accept."
--- End Quote ---
Alternative answer: "Because the degree of pushiness I'm
experiencing from you right now makes me feel that this group
might be the opposite of supportive for me".
Seriously: if this woman is running a support group for people
in a situation that necessarily makes them emotionally
vulnerable she needs to hear that her well-meant offers of help
verge on bullying!
#Post#: 39877--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: jpcher
Date: October 5, 2019, 6:35 am
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--- Quote from: Raintree link ---
>
> Some people find comfort in that sort of thing. Others want
nothing to do with it. Neither way is bad. Just one should not
inflict their feelings about it onto others who might feel
differently.
>
--- End Quote ---
Raintree, I think this sums it up nicely.
#Post#: 39964--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: October 7, 2019, 7:44 pm
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Dear BeagleMommy, if it isn't too much to ask, can we have
updates on how you are doing? I hope you are doing well, and
healing fully. Sending healing thoughts.
#Post#: 40000--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: October 8, 2019, 2:16 pm
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Things are progressing well. I just started the next round of
chemo (different drug) that will last 12 weeks. After that they
will determine what type of surgery will be needed. I have
noticed significant reduction in the size of the mass and will
have an ultrasound next week to verify. Aside from some mild
fatigue and high blood sugars from the steroid for a day or two
I haven't had any severe side effects.
#Post#: 40015--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pushy Support Group - No is a Complete Sentence
DIR By: jpcher
Date: October 8, 2019, 6:08 pm
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Thanks for sharing, BeagleMommy.
Hoping you the best.
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