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#Post#: 38088--------------------------------------------------
How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: homie Date: September 4, 2019, 11:08 am
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Hi, all! Longtime lurker - first time posting, so please be
patient.
I am actually asking on behalf of my grown daughter, so let me
give you the background.
A little over a year ago daughter decided to try her hand at
making a home-based product. There weren't any being sold in
our small rural area and she thought it looked interesting. She
went online, found pages/forums/etc. Started with the standard
internet suppliers and experimented with techniques, etc.
A year later she is now extremely good at what she does and has
built a big and strong home business. She has gained an
incredible reputation for her product. She has worked very hard
at refining and expanding her product and has invested a large
amount of money to build up her inventory. She has solidified
relationships with suppliers and maintains a good relationship
with personal customers, online orders and even a few businesses
who now are wholesale buyers for her item. In short, she has
become more successful that she had ever hoped for.
End background.
She knows full well she was lucky in that she was (to our
knowledge) the first one in our area to try her hand at this
particular item. That fact is what allowed her to grow as she
has. She is also no idiot and assumed the day would come when
someone else might decided to try the market, just as she had.
And sure enough, about 2 months ago one of her loyal customers
messaged her with a picture and a message "you have
competition". While she is obviously not happy with it, she is
also just keeping on with her game and doesn't let them bother
her. She did have to eventually ban them from her page as they
kept highjacking her posts and others comments, but that's
probably a different discussion for another time. All in all,
these people are not much trouble for her.
The problem has become the second competition.
A few weeks ago she received a private message from a lady we
are friendly with and have a relationship with through a
different hobby/sport. We have always got along extremely well
with her and we love her children, which is how we met to begin
with. #2 told her "Hey, girl!" Just wanted to let you know
that I'm making *product* too!! I just needed something to keep
me busy now that both my children are in school"
While she is again, not thrilled, she just shrugs her shoulders
and says to herself, "oh, well"
But that's not enough for #2. Not only is she posting about her
product and trying to drum up sales (as she should if she wants
to be successful), she is constantly commenting
on/liking/reacting to/encouraging my daughter's posts. That
part is just "whatever", it is certainly not hurting us any.
However, daughter is not reciprocating and we don't know if #2
notices that or not.
And yesterday she carried it a step further.
One of the marks daughter has made is offering her product for
fundraisers and there here have been several area groups who
have been successful with them. As I said, she has made a name
for herself in our corner of the world and word is spreading
around school groups. Yesterday #2 called daughter with an
offer. She has been approached by a group to do a fundraiser
but she knows it is bigger than what she can handle at her size
and she wants to split it with daughter - each of them producing
half of the product needed. Daughter is EXTREMELY uncomfortable
with that for many reasons. She tried to be nice in her
refusal, but knows #2 thought she was being a little short with
her.
Daughter gave her reasons for not wanting to join in, but
finally just told her she has too many orders out right now to
be able to devote the time needed. #2 accepted that, but we are
sure she is hurt.
Daughter feels as though #2 is coming from the angle of "all in
this life together", "women empowering women" and everything
else that goes with that, but that's not where we are. We are
not looking to lose friendships (although I'm afraid this one
may be injured), but we also are not into helping build our
competitors. We are willing to allow anyone the opportunity to
do exactly what #2 has done - build your own business. Daughter
didn't expect anyone to give her their secrets and she's not
willing to share hers.
So now, please give us ideas on how to handle this without
coming across as a Witch or are we in the wrong?
#Post#: 38090--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: Hanna Date: September 4, 2019, 11:46 am
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It sound like your daughter is handling all of this very
politely and with kindness. I think she should just continue on
that way and hope eventually #2 will back off.
I noticed #2 said this "I just needed something to keep me busy
now that both my children are in school". It sounds like this
is a hobby for her while your daughter is more serious about it.
If #2 continues to be pushy with respect to wanting to do things
jointly your daughter could just say "I want to maintain a
consistent product and I find that is not possible when sharing
the work with others, so I have decided I will not partner with
anyone."
Other option:
"I value your friendship too much for us to get involved in a
business venture together."
#Post#: 38092--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: Jem Date: September 4, 2019, 11:54 am
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I don’t think your daughter needs to do anything. She cannot
control whether her competitors succeed. She shouldn’t actively
attempt to sabotage them because that does not reflect well on
her, but she does not need to “help” them or partner with them
either. She may want to reassess her own marketing and business
plan to reflect she has competition now.
#Post#: 38093--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 4, 2019, 12:09 pm
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This is so funny--I read just the title, and my mind leaped to,
oh, a friendly competition at the office, and how to be
competitive without alienating your colleagues. My first thought
was, "Root for everybody!"
But in your situation, it's likely that the market is small
enough that anything a competitor does will take away from her
market share. Sometimes competition can make the market bigger
(because it creates a critical mass, plus there are more
entities promoting the product), but not always.
Regarding the fundraiser--it's not uncommon that two competitors
might band together like this, especially if neither is worried
about losing market share, and both have enough work for their
size.
But it's not at all required. And for the established company to
help the upstart isn't always smart business. It's more often
that a larger company will turn to a smaller company now and
then, almost as subcontractors, because they are confident in
their reputation and their ability to retain the business.
So it's not that weird for this woman to propose it!
But it's not cool for her to keep pressuring, or to try to use
any social connection to influence the decision.
One script DD might use could be, "I don't partner my business
with other businesses; I prefer to develop my own customer
base."
And she might even need to say, "We are friends in our social
lives, but this business is my livelihood. So it is not in my
interests to encourage competitors. As with a sports
competition, I would never do anything to harm someone who is
also in the race, but it is counterproductive to use my business
resources to boost someone else's income."
And there is also, "We are friends, and this is my business.
It's unwise to do business with friends, and so I must decline."
I'd hesitate to say "this is not my hobby," but let that be the
undercurrent. There's a whole ethos of "women helping women"
that pervades a lot of crafting and MLM mind-set (that people
should buy things to support one another, and not because it's a
wise expenditure of your money). But that's not your daughter's
world.
Of course, that fundraiser would have brought her money--that
wasn't really so much a favor as it was a business partnering
offer.
And I'd have suggested that she evaluate it from that
business standpoint ONLY.
Did she have the time, resources, etc.? Or would it have been a
distraction?
Would she have liked that income? Or would it not have been
enough to justify the effort?
Would it have given her exposure to another potential client
(not that she is trying to wrest that client away, but the
client gets to choose which of them to use next time)?
Or would participating have made her competition look
stronger and more reliable than they were, so that they get the
contract next year too, instead of crashing and burning this
year, so she can pick up the contract next year?
(She'd be unethical to now go call that organization and
try to get that contract out from under her, but if the Hobbyist
Competitor doesn't please the client, your DD is totally OK to
offer her services. Nobody owns a client.)
Would the success of this fundraiser mean that there would be a
larger market for ALL the businesses in the field?
Also--is there a possibility that this woman will actually
fizzle out, since it's a hobby? If she does, can DD snag her
clients? If they have a mildly cooperative arrangement, maybe
that would make it easier for DD to step in, as the established
professional in the field, once the hobbyist gets bored and
moves on.
But those are business strategies more than etiquette.
The best response might be, "This business is an important part
of my livelihood, so it's not in my best interests to encourage
my competitors. Of course on a personal note, I wish you a
satisfying life, but from a business standpoint, I'm not going
to engage."
#Post#: 38101--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: lowspark Date: September 4, 2019, 1:25 pm
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I like the idea of a very short but very definitive statement
like, to quote Toots, "I don't partner my business with other
businesses."
No further explanation or JADEing needed. That's my company
policy, full stop.
At first I also thought of the "friends" excuse but people often
will argue back if you say that. Whereas saying, "my company
policy is...", makes it not personal in any way.
#Post#: 38104--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: TootsNYC Date: September 4, 2019, 3:18 pm
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or if you want to leave the door open, then maybe "It's not
compatible with my business plan right now."
#Post#: 38105--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: Gellchom Date: September 4, 2019, 3:31 pm
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I wouldn't say anything that sounds like stating a rule that she
will never partner or subcontract or whatever, let alone any
reasons that she doesn't want to do so. She may want to do so
at some point when it is advantageous for her. And there is no
need to do so, anyway.
I would just handle it as a plain old business communication.
Polite and not hostile -- i.e., professional. No statements or
hints about competition or about how seriously or not anyone
else is taking the business.
Just decline politely without any reason or subtext at all.
"Sorry, I'm not interested in going in on that. Good luck!"
Exactly the same as if this were a complete stranger: you
wouldn't feel the need to discuss your schedule or capacity, let
alone comment on their business. Just a professional, polite,
"no, thank you."
If, because they do know one another personally, the other
person asks why or persists, she can then give a non-explanatory
explanation (which really goes no farther than the above), like,
"Sorry, it's just not something I want to take on right now."
"Sounds good, but we're going to have to take a pass." At most,
something like, "Just too busy with other things right now.
Good luck." ("Too busy" is too subjective to mean anything.)
#Post#: 38112--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: chigger Date: September 4, 2019, 5:05 pm
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#2 can't fulfill the order,so she basically wants your DD to
bail her out! I think your DD handled it perfect, and if #2
wants to take offense, then that is on her.
#Post#: 38131--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: Aleko Date: September 5, 2019, 1:43 am
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It sounds to me as though this lady is doing her best, rather
clumsily, to make nice. There's really no way to make 'I'm
setting up in competition with you' good news, but saying 'I
need something to do', however annoying it comes out as, was
surely meant to imply 'I'm not trying to set up against your Big
Serious business! it's just a little part-time enterprise!'.
Similarly, all those likes and comments are placatory 'strokes'.
She is anxious not to lose her friendship with OP and DD over
this.
Second everybody advising that DD deal with this in a pleasant,
noncommittal, 100% businesslike way. But at the same time, OP
and DD might consider reaching out to her on a purely social
basis, nothing special but the kind of interaction that they're
used to having with her, to make clear that while the friendship
is what it always was, business is quite separate.
#Post#: 38136--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do I stay friendly in competition?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 5, 2019, 8:24 am
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Many have addressed the professional side of things. It sounds
like DD handled it well. But I wanted to chime in the
personal/social side of things, as it sounds like that is were
the real concern is. I would advise the OP and DD to make it a
point of extending some friendliness the next time you cross
paths with hobby/sport. I wouldn't do or say anything out of
character and I would not bring up this partnership offer, but I
think that if she sees no change on the social front that it may
help to heal any disappointment that occurred with this decline.
I would also steer conversation away from DD's business as you
do not want a conflict of interest to occur. If she is a
reasonable person any "ding" that may have happened to the
friendship will fade away.
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