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#Post#: 38080--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: September 4, 2019, 9:14 am
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--- Quote from: Hanna link ---
>
> I don’t like when any friend looks at me as a source of
revenue. I don’t try to sell things to my friends.
>
--- End Quote ---
And I don't try to sell things given to me by my friends!
#Post#: 38095--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 4, 2019, 12:15 pm
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=lakey link=topic=1310.msg38037#msg38037
date=1567546479]
> [quote]
> Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
> « Reply #15 on: Today at 04:25:15 pm »
> QuoteModify
> There is a difference between what you can do and what you
should do. OP's husband gave the boy the drum kit out of the
goodness of his heart. For them to tell him he can have it back
if he pays for it seems mercenary and ungrateful.
>
> They want to make money off a generous gesture.
--- End Quote ---
I'm modifying my response after reading Jem's update. Knowing
that they spent over a hundred dollars improving the drum kit
feels more like they are getting back the money they invested in
improving it, rather than profiting from the gift. I hadn't
realized that the parts they added were so expensive.
[/quote]
I didn’t realize that either until my husband told me that this
afternoon. I still think it’s tacky and weird to ask DH to
essentially buy the stuff he didn’t give to them, but it’s at
least a little less icky to me.
Then again I wouldn’t sell most things I have used. Give them
away? Sure. But sell them? Nope. Just not something I would do
(I get lots of people would disagree). Here they are essentially
asking for 85% of the new purchase price for a used cymbal and
drum kick. It just would not occur to me to do that.
[/quote]
It's so much in the framing!
And maybe, since Jem is hearing it from DH, he's not relaying
all the nuances.
Here's what I would have done:
"We're ready to move on from the drum set. We thought of selling
it, but maybe you'd like it back? And we did buy a new cymbal
and kick set, so we're going to put that up for sale at $60
[used is normally sold at half price], but we can give you first
dibs on it, if you'd like."
So to offer to sell him the piece they bought is OK. But I would
want to separate them into two transactions.
#Post#: 38100--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: September 4, 2019, 1:21 pm
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--- Quote from: NFPwife link ---
>
> This is so transactional. My friend who I've posted about here
would do this. And she wouldn't think anything of it. It's not
about relationship, it's about covering her expenditures. At the
end of the day, she shouldn't be "out" anything. If your friend
is like mine, she thinks she's doing you a favor because you're
getting two pieces that weren't on the kit to begin with and
you're getting them at a discount. How nice of her! How lucky
for you! Nevermind that the pieces are used or that they've had
use of the original kit, at no cost, for years.
>
> With the type of person, you can bargain a bit. You could say,
"I have $50. How's that work for you?" and end up spitting the
difference at $75. Anything that is emotional or relational, is
unlikely to have any effect, 'I'm feeling used," or "I'm upset
to have to pay for a gift we originally gave you will likely
fall on deaf ears. It's about dollars and cents. Hers not yours.
>
--- End Quote ---
Is that the socks lady to whom you're referring?
#Post#: 38102--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: September 4, 2019, 1:28 pm
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--- Quote from: JeanFromBNA link ---
>
> [quote author=NFPwife link=topic=1310.msg38054#msg38054
date=1567558440]
> This is so transactional. My friend who I've posted about here
would do this. And she wouldn't think anything of it. It's not
about relationship, it's about covering her expenditures. At the
end of the day, she shouldn't be "out" anything. If your friend
is like mine, she thinks she's doing you a favor because you're
getting two pieces that weren't on the kit to begin with and
you're getting them at a discount. How nice of her! How lucky
for you! Nevermind that the pieces are used or that they've had
use of the original kit, at no cost, for years.
>
> With the type of person, you can bargain a bit. You could say,
"I have $50. How's that work for you?" and end up spitting the
difference at $75. Anything that is emotional or relational, is
unlikely to have any effect, 'I'm feeling used," or "I'm upset
to have to pay for a gift we originally gave you will likely
fall on deaf ears. It's about dollars and cents. Hers not yours.
>
--- End Quote ---
Is that the socks lady to whom you're referring?
[/quote]
You know it! :D Something interesting happened with her
recently. I should update or start a new thread.
#Post#: 38128--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: lakey
Date: September 4, 2019, 11:55 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Here's what I would have done:
> "We're ready to move on from the drum set. We thought of
selling it, but maybe you'd like it back? And we did buy a new
cymbal and kick set, so we're going to put that up for sale at
$60 [used is normally sold at half price], but we can give you
first dibs on it, if you'd like."
>
> So to offer to sell him the piece they bought is OK. But I
would want to separate them into two transactions.
> « Last Edit: Today at 12:19:39 pm by TootsNYC »
>
--- End Quote ---
This seems so much better.
The issue with the OP's incident isn't really about the money.
It's the feeling of ingratitude.
#Post#: 38134--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Hanna
Date: September 5, 2019, 7:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
>
> [quote author=Hanna link=topic=1310.msg38040#msg38040
date=1567547602]
> I don’t like when any friend looks at me as a source of
revenue. I don’t try to sell things to my friends.
>
--- End Quote ---
And I don't try to sell things given to me by my friends!
[/quote]
And especially not back to them again!
#Post#: 38151--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: September 5, 2019, 10:48 am
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I have no problem buying or selling to friends. It can be a
simple message like "I'm selling XYX for $$$ if anyone is
interested."
But the case in the OP leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Maybe
she could given you an option and asked if you'd like to buy the
upgrades, but the original product shouldn't be automatically
included in the bundle and just given back free and clear.
#Post#: 38200--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Star Wars Fan
Date: September 5, 2019, 10:34 pm
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I agree it's totally cr*ppy to tell somebody they can have
something back they gave you as a gift but only if they pay for
it. I'd be distancing myself from somebody who did that whether
I took back the gift or not.
Ed.
#Post#: 38378--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: jazzgirl205
Date: September 8, 2019, 7:36 pm
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I think I know how you feel. When dd's best friend lived 2 doors
down, she decided she wanted to learn flute and be in the middle
school band. I bought her a cute multicolored music stand as a
welcome-to-the-sisterhood-of-flautists gift. I told her that
when she gets to the point where she can play simple duets, I'd
love to play with her. Back then, I played the flute regularly
at church and sometimes city functions. Well, after about 3
months, she decided playing music wasn't for her. Her mother
sold the music stand and didn't tell me until much later. Sure,
she was free to do with it whatever she wanted because it was a
gift. Still, I wish she would've offered it to me. She knew I
played and I was only 2 doors away. :-\
#Post#: 38493--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: September 11, 2019, 7:41 am
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Yeah, I'd be put out by this too. It's a bit cheeky.
I am curious though. Did Sam express a strong desire to learn
the drums, or was it more a case of your DH simply trying to do
a nice thing for recently bereaved kid? If the latter, perhaps
Sam and his mum feel like the drum kit was foisted onto them
(with good intentions, obviously!) without them truly wanting
it, and it eventually became more trouble than worth?
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