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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 38020--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 3, 2019, 2:21 pm
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--- Quote from: chigger link ---
>
> I have to ask, as I am nosy! Is your husband going to buy them
back?
>
--- End Quote ---
I'll have to ask him when I get home tonight. Last night he was
kinda irked about the whole thing but would rather have the
drums "back" to give to someone else he cares about so I think
he was leaning toward just paying the $100. It just feels so
icky to me!
At the end of the day, I don't think it is worth tarnishing a
friendship over $100.....but I don't understand why Sam's mom
would ask for the $100 to begin with! Argh!
#Post#: 38022--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: September 3, 2019, 2:32 pm
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Why not just let them sell them to someone else.
Sometimes when you give a kid something, they don't value it as
much as if they don't save their own money to buy it. Could be
some kid out there just dying to play drums and $100 would be
within reach for them.
#Post#: 38023--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: wolfie
Date: September 3, 2019, 2:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> Thanks for the feedback! I completely understand that my DH
gave Sam the drum set as a gift and agree that "technically" Sam
can do with it as he wants, including using it as firewood. It
was intended as "I want YOU to be able to use this drum set" and
not "does anyone want a free drum set" thing though.
>
> I think I view this as more of an interpersonal and friendship
thing than a long-arm transaction pure etiquette thing maybe? I
think that is why it rubs me the wrong way. If it matters, Sam
and his mom most definitely do not need the money.
>
> At any rate, it looks like my DH is going to get the drums
back and will be giving them to the daughter of another friend
(the daughter is a new drummer and excited to have her own kit)!
>
--- End Quote ---
And they did use it. Until they lost interest. Would you have
preferred them to just get rid of them and not say anything to
you?
#Post#: 38024--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 3, 2019, 2:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: wolfie link ---
>
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1310.msg38013#msg38013
date=1567536773]
> Thanks for the feedback! I completely understand that my DH
gave Sam the drum set as a gift and agree that "technically" Sam
can do with it as he wants, including using it as firewood. It
was intended as "I want YOU to be able to use this drum set" and
not "does anyone want a free drum set" thing though.
>
> I think I view this as more of an interpersonal and friendship
thing than a long-arm transaction pure etiquette thing maybe? I
think that is why it rubs me the wrong way. If it matters, Sam
and his mom most definitely do not need the money.
>
> At any rate, it looks like my DH is going to get the drums
back and will be giving them to the daughter of another friend
(the daughter is a new drummer and excited to have her own kit)!
>
--- End Quote ---
And they did use it. Until they lost interest. Would you have
preferred them to just get rid of them and not say anything to
you?
[/quote]
I think it is the "you can have it back if you pay us $100" that
is bothering me. It's difficult to articulate, but the drums are
almost symbolic I guess of the friendship my DH had with this
kid's dad? It just seems really odd to want to be paid for
getting rid of a gift (a relatively valuable gift) someone gave
to you.
I totally "get" that Sam and his mom "can" do what they want
with the gift. It just rubs me the wrong way on a personal
level.
#Post#: 38025--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: wolfie
Date: September 3, 2019, 2:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=wolfie link=topic=1310.msg38023#msg38023
date=1567539423]
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1310.msg38013#msg38013
date=1567536773]
> Thanks for the feedback! I completely understand that my DH
gave Sam the drum set as a gift and agree that "technically" Sam
can do with it as he wants, including using it as firewood. It
was intended as "I want YOU to be able to use this drum set" and
not "does anyone want a free drum set" thing though.
>
> I think I view this as more of an interpersonal and friendship
thing than a long-arm transaction pure etiquette thing maybe? I
think that is why it rubs me the wrong way. If it matters, Sam
and his mom most definitely do not need the money.
>
> At any rate, it looks like my DH is going to get the drums
back and will be giving them to the daughter of another friend
(the daughter is a new drummer and excited to have her own kit)!
>
--- End Quote ---
And they did use it. Until they lost interest. Would you have
preferred them to just get rid of them and not say anything to
you?
[/quote]
I think it is the "you can have it back if you pay us $100" that
is bothering me. It's difficult to articulate, but the drums are
almost symbolic I guess of the friendship my DH had with this
kid's dad? It just seems really odd to want to be paid for
getting rid of a gift (a relatively valuable gift) someone gave
to you.
I totally "get" that Sam and his mom "can" do what they want
with the gift. It just rubs me the wrong way on a personal
level.
[/quote]
I understand. I would have just offered it back and if you
didn't want it then sold it. But it tells you something about
the mom and you can do what you want with that info.
#Post#: 38026--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 3, 2019, 3:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: wolfie link ---
>
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1310.msg38013#msg38013
date=1567536773]
> Thanks for the feedback! I completely understand that my DH
gave Sam the drum set as a gift and agree that "technically" Sam
can do with it as he wants, including using it as firewood. It
was intended as "I want YOU to be able to use this drum set" and
not "does anyone want a free drum set" thing though.
>
> I think I view this as more of an interpersonal and friendship
thing than a long-arm transaction pure etiquette thing maybe? I
think that is why it rubs me the wrong way. If it matters, Sam
and his mom most definitely do not need the money.
>
> At any rate, it looks like my DH is going to get the drums
back and will be giving them to the daughter of another friend
(the daughter is a new drummer and excited to have her own kit)!
>
--- End Quote ---
And they did use it. Until they lost interest. Would you have
preferred them to just get rid of them and not say anything to
you?
[/quote]
Actually, yes, if it were me.
Because in offering to sell it to him, they are saying, "we want
to benefit from you, personally, TWICE."
I get that the things are theirs and it's $100 they'd "lose" if
they'd called him and said, "We were going to list these drumbs
for $100, because we have plans for that money, but if you'd
like them back instead, let us know."
It just feels icky, somehow, for them to say, "That thing you
gave us? we'll sell it back to you."
Because he already passed up the monetary value of those drums
when he gave them to Sam. He could have offered to sell them to
Sam--but he didn't. He could have sold them to someone else, and
had the $100. But he didn't--he sacrificed the financial value
of those drums. For Sam.
And now they want to get DOUBLE the financial value of those
drums--from him.
It just makes them look greedy and grasping.
#Post#: 38029--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: chigger
Date: September 3, 2019, 3:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=wolfie link=topic=1310.msg38023#msg38023
date=1567539423]
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1310.msg38013#msg38013
date=1567536773]
> Thanks for the feedback! I completely understand that my DH
gave Sam the drum set as a gift and agree that "technically" Sam
can do with it as he wants, including using it as firewood. It
was intended as "I want YOU to be able to use this drum set" and
not "does anyone want a free drum set" thing though.
>
> I think I view this as more of an interpersonal and friendship
thing than a long-arm transaction pure etiquette thing maybe? I
think that is why it rubs me the wrong way. If it matters, Sam
and his mom most definitely do not need the money.
>
> At any rate, it looks like my DH is going to get the drums
back and will be giving them to the daughter of another friend
(the daughter is a new drummer and excited to have her own kit)!
>
--- End Quote ---
And they did use it. Until they lost interest. Would you have
preferred them to just get rid of them and not say anything to
you?
[/quote]
I think it is the "you can have it back if you pay us $100" that
is bothering me. It's difficult to articulate, but the drums are
almost symbolic I guess of the friendship my DH had with this
kid's dad? It just seems really odd to want to be paid for
getting rid of a gift (a relatively valuable gift) someone gave
to you.
I totally "get" that Sam and his mom "can" do what they want
with the gift. It just rubs me the wrong way on a personal
level.
[/quote]
Yes, it bothers me also! I think if the Mom had worded it as
"Hi, my son doesn't drum anymore, would you like it back?" as
opposed to "I will sell you your gift back", I would not be
bothered by it. I think your husband should have replied "Oh
just give it to Child, she wants to drum".
#Post#: 38032--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: lowspark
Date: September 3, 2019, 3:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yeah. I think she should have just asked if you wanted them back
now that son is no longer interested. And if you said no, then
ok, she's clear to sell them. But selling them back to the giver
is just icky. It would make me feel used.
#Post#: 38033--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 3, 2019, 3:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> Yeah. I think she should have just asked if you wanted them
back now that son is no longer interested. And if you said no,
then ok, she's clear to sell them. But selling them back to the
giver is just icky. It would make me feel used.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah, I think this is the crux of it. $100 is not a big deal to
my DH and me, or to Sam and his mom so it just seems so petty to
me that she asked to be paid! I did hear from my DH, who said
the value of the drum kick and cymbal they added to the drum set
would have been about $120 new (it is apparently a super high
quality cymbal and drum kick), and I think they purchased these
soon after DH gave Sam the drum set. So basically, DH is paying
$100 for his own drum set and a used drum kick and cymbal that
he did not previously own.
At the end of the day, not that big of a deal. It just rubs me
wrong.
#Post#: 38036--------------------------------------------------
Re: “Just Pay Me $100 And You Can Have Your Drums Back.”
DIR By: lakey
Date: September 3, 2019, 4:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
There is a difference between what you can do and what you
should do. OP's husband gave the boy the drum kit out of the
goodness of his heart. For them to tell him he can have it back
if he pays for it seems mercenary and ungrateful.
They want to make money off a generous gesture.
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