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#Post#: 37924--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Aleko Date: September 2, 2019, 1:37 am
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[quote]It's as if she cannot fathom being left out when we are
so close[/quote]
She almost certainly can't. A person who routinely,
instinctively tells lies to everyone else is almost invariably
telling them to themself as well.
You surely realise now how unwise it was to tolerate and enable
her lying for so long. As everybody else is saying, you're clear
of her now, so just drop the rope and leave it dropped.
#Post#: 37949--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Star Wars Fan Date: September 2, 2019, 9:41 pm
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I think you should just cut Eve out of your life, I'm sorry if
you might think that's harsh but it's what I'd do. I don't think
she can be trusted and I don't think anybody needs to deal with
a person like that in their life.
Ed.
#Post#: 37950--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: September 2, 2019, 10:02 pm
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I realized I had not talked to her in 3 years before this. Have
not seen her since 2011 and then only for a few hours because I
was in her city for work. I visited her city a few years later
with DH and we happened to pass her on the street, but were able
to slip past without her noticing.
I doubt I’ll ever see her again. That’s a hard thing to realize
but it is for the best. I do worry about her, but from a
distance. Her work history is also terrible and I’m sure she’s
never saved anything or prepared for retirement. I find that
terrifying.
#Post#: 37957--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: lakey Date: September 2, 2019, 11:10 pm
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[quote]Her work history is also terrible and I’m sure she’s
never saved anything or prepared for retirement. I find that
terrifying.[/quote]
I understand your feeling bad for her, but she's an adult and it
is all her choice. None of us are perfect, but most of us learn
from our mistakes. Some people just don't learn from their
mistakes. Maybe it's because well meaning people in their lives
shield them from the consequences of their behavior, maybe for
other reasons. There isn't much you can do about another adult's
behavior, but you can limit what affect they have on yourself by
limiting contact.
#Post#: 37963--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Aleko Date: September 3, 2019, 5:08 am
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[quote] I do worry about her[/quote]
Of course you do. But there are some people who not only can't
be saved from drowning, but will throw their arms around the
neck of anyone who tries to save them and drown them too. When
you realise someone is like that, you just have to keep well
clear of their desperate clutching hands and leave them to it.
It feels rotten, but you must.
#Post#: 37986--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: bopper Date: September 3, 2019, 10:26 am
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If you don't want to have a relationship with someone...don't
have a relationship with them.
THat is, don't communicate with them. Why not block her on
social media?
If you run into her in person, just say "Huh...I don't know what
happened. Excuse me, I need to get a Mai Tai."
#Post#: 37987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Twik Date: September 3, 2019, 10:27 am
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[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1306.msg37906#msg37906
date=1567362247]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1306.msg37899#msg37899
date=1567356124]
Speaking as someone who once worked (years and years ago) in the
field of mental health, Eve has consequences for her behavior.
She doesn't like the consequences? Fine, get help and work on
it.
[/quote]
I so agree. Her last message to me makes me wonder if she think
*I* don’t remember why we stopped getting together. It’s as if
she cannot fathom being left out because we are so close, and I
didn’t actually have to give her $200 gas money and kick her out
after her overstaying, and telling bizarre crazy lies to and
about me.
I’d let her stay 1 month to save money, I helped her get a temp
job. The agreement was you can stay one month as long as you
work. She lost her job for lying, then stayed an extra two
months doing absolutely nothing except reading and teaching my
cat to play fetch.
She told her mom this crazy twisted story about how she was
working for my company, totally untrue. She said the CEO was
sleeping with the receptionist so she had to leave and that’s
how I got her the job. She’d never stepped foot in my company or
laid eyes on these people. It terrified me that she would lie
about the man that signed my paycheck.
She finally told me she didn’t see why she should have to work
and basically that she thought I should support her.
[/quote]
It's called gaslighting. It works because in many cases people
will actually begin to doubt their own memories of events.
When I first started working, I lived in shared accommodations
with a gaslighter/mooch. Fortunately I caught on almost from day
1, but our landlord ended up being out about 3 months rent from
her. One time he actually drove her to the bank to get the
money, only to have her slip out the side and return hours later
with a wild tale of meeting someone who needed her help so badly
she had to leave without making the withdrawal.
#Post#: 38014--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: chigger Date: September 3, 2019, 1:55 pm
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[quote author=bopper link=topic=1306.msg37986#msg37986
date=1567524363]
If you don't want to have a relationship with someone...don't
have a relationship with them.
THat is, don't communicate with them. Why not block her on
social media?
If you run into her in person, just say "Huh...I don't know what
happened. Excuse me, I need to get a Mai Tai."
[/quote]
Now I really want a Mai Tai!
#Post#: 38017--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: September 3, 2019, 2:06 pm
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[quote author=chigger link=topic=1306.msg38014#msg38014
date=1567536936]
[quote author=bopper link=topic=1306.msg37986#msg37986
date=1567524363]
If you don't want to have a relationship with someone...don't
have a relationship with them.
THat is, don't communicate with them. Why not block her on
social media?
If you run into her in person, just say "Huh...I don't know what
happened. Excuse me, I need to get a Mai Tai."
[/quote]
Now I really want a Mai Tai!
[/quote]
I think “Excuse me, I need to get a Mai Tai” is going to be my
new go-to line!
I’m not going to change my level of interaction with her. It’s
already down to bare minimum and exactly where I’ve wanted it
for 10 years.
I feel so sorry and scared for her honestly. She’s 47, has run
through friends and jobs like you cannot imagine. I’m sure she
has never saved for retirement. I’m not going to ever give in to
her or probably will never even see her again. We lived 800+
miles apart, but 1-2 texts every few years is ok for me.
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