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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 37840--------------------------------------------------
Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: August 31, 2019, 5:31 pm
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I was friends with a woman, Eve, for years. Eve lied
compulsively. I caught on to the lying early on, told her I knew
and she admitted that she does lie and has tried to work on it.
I told her I understood it was an issue and as long as she
didn’t lie to me or about me, our friendship would survive. I
only saw her a few times a year, on vacations usually. I
considered this a mental health issue and otherwise really
enjoyed being around her. She is intelligent, witty and really
fun most of the time.
Then I learned she told a whopper about my boyfriend after she
came for a visit and I distanced myself from her after that,
that was around 2003. Ten years ago I let her stay with me for a
few months while she was in a really tough spot, and that ended
in disaster. Lots of lying about me, to anyone that would
listen. I occasionally check on her via phone or text, but
that’s the extent of our contact these days.
She just found out I got married, and that her sister Anne was
invited. She sent me a message on FB that started off “Well, I
just found out you got married so congratulations” then went on
to lay on the guilt for not inviting her and for inviting her
sister. She ended with “I hope you and your husband have a nice
life.” Or similar.
I wrote back immediately without thinking “you’ve got to be
kidding me with this”. Because she’s well aware of everything
that’s transpired between us.
Anne texted today and let me know Eve told her she sent me a
congratulations and that I told her off. I just checked and had
a new message from Eve saying “I’m completely lost! We were
friends! I don’t know what I did!” Blah blah blah.
Any advice? I sincerely hate that things are like this, and I
feel so sad and worried when I think of her. But no way can I
ever have her in my life again.
#Post#: 37842--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: August 31, 2019, 5:40 pm
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Oops! Trying to edit on my phone!
#Post#: 37843--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: sandisadie Date: August 31, 2019, 5:59 pm
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You sound like you have treated her with kindness and that you
understand her mental problems. It looks like you will have to
just keep her at a distance from now on and remember the good
times the two of you had.
#Post#: 37844--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Rose Red Date: August 31, 2019, 6:11 pm
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Don't respond to Eve's last message. Just drop it because you
know she won't.
You can explain to Anne that you didn't tell Eve off but you
also don't want her caught in the middle so you're not getting
into it further. If she knows any of the backstory, she'll
understand.
#Post#: 37847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: RubyCat Date: August 31, 2019, 6:28 pm
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I would just drop the rope. It sounds like Eve thrives on the
drama and she's trying to stir up more. It's just not worth
engaging.
I would explain the situation to Anne. Being Eve's sister, I'm
sure she has a pretty good idea of how she operates.
You're not wrong for wanting to bring Eve and all of her issues
back into your life. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with
this.
#Post#: 37853--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: August 31, 2019, 7:24 pm
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Thanks all. Anne unfortunately knows from a lifetime of
experience that her sister was just trying to get attention. She
said we both know her sister would have caused a scene at the
wedding.
Anne has just messaged now and told me that she had replied
saying it was a lovely wedding and she’d only been invited
because she lived there in town, and that people just grow
apart.
I think that was wonderful and kind of her.
#Post#: 37874--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Raintree Date: September 1, 2019, 1:21 am
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Yeah, drama llama. Don't feed it. Ignore.
#Post#: 37899--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: September 1, 2019, 11:42 am
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Speaking as someone who once worked (years and years ago) in the
field of mental health, Eve has consequences for her behavior.
She doesn't like the consequences? Fine, get help and work on
it.
#Post#: 37906--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: Hanna Date: September 1, 2019, 1:24 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1306.msg37899#msg37899
date=1567356124]
Speaking as someone who once worked (years and years ago) in the
field of mental health, Eve has consequences for her behavior.
She doesn't like the consequences? Fine, get help and work on
it.
[/quote]
I so agree. Her last message to me makes me wonder if she think
*I* don’t remember why we stopped getting together. It’s as if
she cannot fathom being left out because we are so close, and I
didn’t actually have to give her $200 gas money and kick her out
after her overstaying, and telling bizarre crazy lies to and
about me.
I’d let her stay 1 month to save money, I helped her get a temp
job. The agreement was you can stay one month as long as you
work. She lost her job for lying, then stayed an extra two
months doing absolutely nothing except reading and teaching my
cat to play fetch.
She told her mom this crazy twisted story about how she was
working for my company, totally untrue. She said the CEO was
sleeping with the receptionist so she had to leave and that’s
how I got her the job. She’d never stepped foot in my company or
laid eyes on these people. It terrified me that she would lie
about the man that signed my paycheck.
She finally told me she didn’t see why she should have to work
and basically that she thought I should support her.
#Post#: 37920--------------------------------------------------
Re: Complaining about not being invited to my wedding
By: lakey Date: September 1, 2019, 10:19 pm
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I've known people who lie and exaggerate details in order to
make themselves look interesting and to get attention. What Eve
is doing, telling damaging lies about you and other people, is
much worse. Telling lies that destroy peoples' reputations is
serious. I don't think you can have any kind of relationship
with someone who does this to you.
The only way that she will change will be if the people in her
life stop tolerating her behavior. I think you would be doing
her a favor by not responding to her. What Anne told her was
kind toward you, but it helps Eve to avoid taking any
responsibility for her previous unacceptable behavior toward
you. She lied about your boyfriend, she told lies about you, she
told lies about your CEO, and she sponged off you for months.
She had no businesses expecting you to invite her to your
wedding after the way she's treated you. She needs to face up to
that or she will continue to lose jobs and relationships.
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