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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 37796--------------------------------------------------
Stop bothering me!
DIR By: shadowfox79
Date: August 31, 2019, 5:24 am
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I posted about this man on the old board and was wondering what
people thought about this.
I belong to a particular society which is primarily a social
club but has rules for entry - as a result we had a slightly
negative reputation which we were trying to overcome publicly.
When this incident happened I was a regional officer in the
society, as was "Jack", although Jack was of higher rank than
me. I knew him to be an extremely abrasive and blunt man so I
was a little surprised to hear that he had been chosen to do
some promotion on a breakfast TV show. He wouldn't have been my
choice, but who cares what I think.
I won't go into details because the incident was in all the
press at the time and wouldn't be hard to Google. Let's just say
Jack made a comment which he obviously thought was funny but was
in fact extremely offensive. The presenters apologised and the
society also made a public apology but it basically ruined all
the work we had been doing on our public image.
A year later regional elections were held and Jack was voted out
of his position, I strongly suspect because of this incident.
Cut to today, and Jack has managed to claw himself back to
regional officer, but only at the level I was at (I'm not any
more - took up too much time). He's put himself up for election
again and is aggressively canvassing for votes. He emailed me
last week trying to get my vote and I told him I hadn't looked
at the candidates yet, which was true, although the fact is I
wouldn't vote for Jack regardless. He has since sent me three
further emails badgering me to say I'll vote for him, which I
have so far ignored.
Is there a polite way to tell him to push off, or should I just
continue to ignore him? (Or tell him I'll vote for him? He'd
never know.)
#Post#: 37800--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: August 31, 2019, 8:00 am
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You could tell him that your vote is private and to not ask you
about it again. If he continues to bother you, say "Well, I'll
tell you for whom I won't vote - people who badger me."
#Post#: 37801--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 31, 2019, 8:09 am
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Have you considered saying, 'TBH, Jack, after the catastrophe of
your appearance on the X Show - which will certainly recur to
the public's mind if you are elected, and be replayed and
re-posted ad nauseam - I'm afraid that not all your talents,
hard work and goodwill, which I fully acknowledge and
appreciate, could counterbalance the harm that re-electing you
to your old post would do to the society's reputation. So,
sorry, no' ?
That's not derogatory to him, and people who are 'abrasive and
blunt ' d*mn well ought to be - and quite often are - able to
take frank speaking from others. However, if you don't feel able
to do that, just continue to ignore his demands; which will be
an answer of a sort.
But whatever you do, don't lie. Not only because you will (with
reason) feel bad about it, but because if you tell him - in
writing, too - that you will vote for him, you will have
declared yourself one of his supporters and given him a claim on
your loyalty.
#Post#: 37802--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: shadowfox79
Date: August 31, 2019, 8:13 am
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> Have you considered saying, 'TBH, Jack, after the catastrophe
of your appearance on the X Show - which will certainly recur to
the public's mind if you are elected, and be replayed and
re-posted ad nauseam - I'm afraid that not all your talents,
hard work and goodwill, which I fully acknowledge and
appreciate, could counterbalance the harm that re-electing you
to your old post would do to the society's reputation. So,
sorry, no' ?
>
> That's not derogatory to him, and people who are 'abrasive and
blunt ' d*mn well ought to be - and quite often are - able to
take frank speaking from others. However, if you don't feel able
to do that, just continue to ignore his demands; which will be
an answer of a sort.
>
> But whatever you do, don't lie. Not only because you will
(with reason) feel bad about it, but because if you tell him -
in writing, too - that you will vote for him, you will have
declared yourself one of his supporters and given him a claim on
your loyalty.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah, I don't really want to lie to him. He's just driving me up
the wall. He sent a fourth email while I was making the original
post.
Whenever people have been blunt with him he tends to just carry
on as though they never spoke, so I'm not convinced he'd listen
to anything I said.
#Post#: 37806--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: August 31, 2019, 8:45 am
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Aleko's response could be the way to stop Jack from carrying on
like you never said anything. He may not like being reminded of
how he pretty much ruined the organization in the public eye.
And if he still asks for your vote, repeat how he harmed the
organization (with the same wording every time). No one likes
hearing "you screwed up" over and over.
Though I'd stop short of telling him he has "goodwill". From
your description of his comment ("he obviously thought was funny
but was in fact extremely offensive"), it sounds like he doesn't
have goodwill. (Though I appreciate Aleko's diplomacy.)
#Post#: 37810--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Hanna
Date: August 31, 2019, 8:56 am
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I’d also just flat tell him you do not intend to vote for him
and that you will not change your mind. Then I’d ignore any
further emails.
#Post#: 37812--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 31, 2019, 9:04 am
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--- Quote ---
> I'm not convinced he'd listen to anything I said.
--- End Quote ---
Well, maybe not listen: but he must have a reason for repeatedly
trying to get an answer from you (and presumably others - you
surely aren't the only person he is asking).
It's just possible that he genuinely wants to know how much
backing he has, and that if he gets the message from enough
people that they don't want him for that post and will not vote
for him, he will withdraw his candidacy rather than face a
humiliating rejection. In which case, anyone who bottles out
from telling him so is actually encouraging him to go forward.
Another possibility is that he wants to use and parade his
'supporters' to undermine anyone who does have the nerve to tell
him openly that he would be a PR disaster for the society, by
throwing his arm around your shoulders (literally or
metaphorically) and saying 'Nonsense! Here's Isisnin who doesn't
agree with you; she's voting for me!'
#Post#: 37820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: lakey
Date: August 31, 2019, 11:50 am
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shadowfox79,
It would be great if you would update us on the results of the
election.
I'm curious about whether he manages to browbeat people into
voting for him.
#Post#: 37822--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: GreenBird
Date: August 31, 2019, 12:31 pm
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How frustrating! I'd reply with either, "Jack, I'm not
discussing my vote with you. Please stop contacting me about
it." or "Jack, I'm not voting for you. Please stop contacting me
about it." and then ignore all subsequent messages on the
subject. This way you've clearly told him to knock it off. If
he keeps sending messages anyway, then filter future messages to
a Junk/Jack/Trash folder, or just block him.
#Post#: 37838--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stop bothering me!
DIR By: Amara
Date: August 31, 2019, 5:20 pm
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I don't understand why you just won't be honest with him and say
"No! I will not vote for you, not now, not ever. What you did on
that show was not only offensive to a lot of people but it
harmed our organization badly." Until he is told this he
believes he can win whatever he wants and thus do whatever he
wants. And if that happens, you might just as well kiss your
organization goodbye.
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