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#Post#: 37595--------------------------------------------------
The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Raintree Date: August 28, 2019, 12:00 am
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Small office - 3-4 people working at a time, maximum, including
the ranting woman. Ranting woman (RW) works the front end,
answering phone calls and dealing with our clients. I am not her
boss; she has been there 20 years, I came along just over a year
ago, and although it's her job to greet people who come in the
door to consult with me and others in the office, I didn't hire
her, nor do I have any authority over her.
I don't dare engage her in any more conversation than is
necessary, because she will pick up on whatever you say and
RANT. Example:
Me: "Oh, traffic was bad, didn't get a chance to come in early
and do that thing, but I'm here now."
RW: IT'S SO BAD OUT THERE!!!! I GOT STUCK BEHIND A LINE OF
PEOPLE AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD, AT X INTERSECTION AND Y
CROSSROAD, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MERGE ALTERNATELY BUT ALL THESE
PEOPLE FROM THE LEFT LANE JUMP RIGHT UP THE EDGE AND BLOCK
EVERYONE TRYING TO EXIT AND EVERY MORNING I SIT FOR 15 MINUTES
TRYING TO EXIT WHILE PEOPLE ARE LINING UP THE SIDE AND TRYING TO
MERGE WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T, IT'S CRAZY AND WHERE I COME FROM
PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DRIVE AND WHY DON'T THEY TICKET THESE PEOPLE
IT'S MAYHEM EVERY MORNING AND YESTERDAY I HAD THIS GUY HONKING
AT ME AND I SAID WHY ARE YOU HONKING, I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY AND
IT'S AWFUL AND TERRIBLE AND PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE
AND......"
And there I am trying to back away and interject with "yes,
that's horrible, I have to do my work now." But if she catches
me in the lunchroom she'll do the same thing and there seems to
be no out. I've tried, "I have to shut the door now and make
some phone calls" which works, but again, sometimes I need to
door to be open. She will call out from the other room with her
rants and I've tuned her out and said, quite honestly, "Oh, were
you talking to me? I didn't realize."
Sometimes I can hear her ranting to clients who probably just
want to sit quietly in the waiting area while they wait. "I
DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE CITY DOESN'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT X
PROBLEM, IT'S BEEN AN ISSUE FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND ONE TIME I
WAS DOING X AND THIS HAPPENED AND IT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED
BECAUSE THE CITY HAS REFUSED TO DO ANYTHING AND I'VE TRIED
CALLING AND THERE'S NO ANSWER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE PAY TAXES
FOR AND WHERE I COME FROM THEY GO AROUND AND CLEAR THIS HAZARD
AND AND AND...."
One time she was upset about something and ranted to me, and a
client walked in looking a little gobsmacked; RW's loud voice
must have carried down the hall and it had to have sounded as
though we were having an argument. I wonder if we are losing
clients.
I have learned to tell her NOTHING about what's going on in my
life because she will ask about it and then rant and rant about
it. (Example, taking family members to the doctor, will get a
rant about how doctors never run on time and have a God complex
and if only we could bill them for our time etc etc.)
In fact, I have learned to dread going to work because these
rants just stress me out. But I also think she is highly
insecure, because if you interject with "I have to get to work
now" she bends over backwards apologizing for talking too much,
which is almost worse than the rants.
How to deal, besides quitting my job?
#Post#: 37599--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: August 28, 2019, 6:33 am
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I think you are handling it in the only way you can, being a
grey rock.
Are the Powers That Be (HR, management, whatever) in the same
location and aware of her behavior? If so, you are stuck with
her, they know her and are satisfied with her work. If not, how
do the others in the office handle it? You can take your cue
from them. If it bugs everyone, but they don't want to rock the
boat, you may be stuck. Or, they are oblivious to the rants, or
welcome them, and you are also stuck. Since there is such a
disparity in your seniority at the company, tread carefully.
If she really cuts into your productivity, or creates a hostile
work environment, you may have to document how it affects you
and bring it up to those Powers That Be, as a last resort. I am
sorry you have this going on, but small offices give you very
little retreat room.
#Post#: 37601--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 28, 2019, 7:03 am
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Her apologies make me think that she doesn't want to be a
bother. I wonder if you (or anyone) has pointed the behavior out
to her and how she has reacted and if it helped any? Would
something like "RW, I appreciate your camaraderie, so I am
hoping that you can help me with something. I am trying to focus
on the positive while in the office and let the negative slide.
Would you be willing to help me do this?" This has really gone
untested by me, but I imagine that she would either rant about
negative people... ::) or, she might cut herself off sooner,
at least around you.
If a client should ever provide evidence that her behavior is
causing issues, I think you should definitely consider acting on
that.
Either way, this sounds tiring!
#Post#: 37602--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: vintagegal Date: August 28, 2019, 7:36 am
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[quote author=Copper Horsewoman
link=topic=1300.msg37599#msg37599 date=1566992033]
I think you are handling it in the only way you can, being a
grey rock.
Are the Powers That Be (HR, management, whatever) in the same
location and aware of her behavior? If so, you are stuck with
her, they know her and are satisfied with her work. If not, how
do the others in the office handle it? You can take your cue
from them. If it bugs everyone, but they don't want to rock the
boat, you may be stuck. Or, they are oblivious to the rants, or
welcome them, and you are also stuck. Since there is such a
disparity in your seniority at the company, tread carefully.
If she really cuts into your productivity, or creates a hostile
work environment, you may have to document how it affects you
and bring it up to those Powers That Be, as a last resort. I am
sorry you have this going on, but small offices give you very
little retreat room.
[/quote]
Maybe when she starts, hold up a finger and say "(name), you're
doing it again" with a smile.
#Post#: 37605--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Bada Date: August 28, 2019, 7:56 am
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I'm very curious if her boss is on site to witness this. Does
s/he know about her ranting to clients?
#Post#: 37608--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Hmmm Date: August 28, 2019, 8:39 am
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I think you are doing all you can at the moment unless you want
to actively try and retrain her. But after 20 years of this
behavior you might not have much luck.
Some retraining actions is for you to always stay happy and to
cut her off when she starts her complaining.
Come into the office very happy with a "Good morning! It's a
beautiful day isn't?" If she starts a complaint cut her off with
"hey, I'm in a good mood today, let's not try to solve the
worlds issues today." but do it with a big smile.
If after a day of complaining, maybe bring her a small single
flower with a "you seemed to have such a bad day yesterday, I
thought this flower might cheer you up. I hope today is better."
Ask about her evening, but if she starts complaining, cut her
off with a "I'm sorry to hear that but I think I heard my phone
ringing." She'll know it's a white lie but will also get the
point your not interested in listening to long complaints.
If she goes on about the city not fixing potholes (or poorly
timed lights) or other annoyance, come in the next day with a
"Here, I found the agency you can call to report pot holes. I
always fine taking action about annoyances or problems makes me
feel better." If she brings up the same annoyance again, ask if
she reported it and when she says no say with a laugh "oh, I get
it, you really don't want to get it fixed, you just want to
complain about it."
If you hear her going on to a client, step out and say "is there
something wrong? No, oh, it sounded like you were upset about
something." It helps to bring it to their attention that they
are going on and on.
#Post#: 37619--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Hanna Date: August 28, 2019, 10:40 am
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Perhaps...hold up a hand and say "I have to interrupt you, Ann,
I am sorry. That's is a no-go topic for me. I have decided
that I am not going to focus on or complain about things outside
of my control in the world. It's an effort sometimes for me to
stay positive, and dwelling on these frustrating aspects of life
really makes it hard for me to do that. Now I do want to tell
you about my garden!"
Or something like that. Honesty, then beandip.
#Post#: 37620--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Kimberami Date: August 28, 2019, 11:56 am
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[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1300.msg37619#msg37619
date=1567006848]
Perhaps...hold up a hand and say "I have to interrupt you, Ann,
I am sorry. That's is a no-go topic for me. I have decided
that I am not going to focus on or complain about things outside
of my control in the world. It's an effort sometimes for me to
stay positive, and dwelling on these frustrating aspects of life
really makes it hard for me to do that. Now I do want to tell
you about my garden!"
Or something like that. Honesty, then beandip.
[/quote]
I agree. Negativity is a habit. I would talk to your coworker.
It won't be a pleasant conversation, but it sounds like your
office isn't very pleasant anyway.
#Post#: 37621--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: Hanna Date: August 28, 2019, 12:10 pm
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[quote author=Kimpossible link=topic=1300.msg37620#msg37620
date=1567011365]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1300.msg37619#msg37619
date=1567006848]
Perhaps...hold up a hand and say "I have to interrupt you, Ann,
I am sorry. That's is a no-go topic for me. I have decided
that I am not going to focus on or complain about things outside
of my control in the world. It's an effort sometimes for me to
stay positive, and dwelling on these frustrating aspects of life
really makes it hard for me to do that. Now I do want to tell
you about my garden!"
Or something like that. Honesty, then beandip.
[/quote]
I agree. Negativity is a habit. I would talk to your coworker.
It won't be a pleasant conversation, but it sounds like your
office isn't very pleasant anyway.
[/quote]
Totally - and to be honest, I am guilty of being negative at
times. I would be a little flummoxed but actually appreciate
someone calling it to my attention if they did it in a kind way.
#Post#: 37635--------------------------------------------------
Re: The ranting co-worker. Stop talking. Please.
By: NFPwife Date: August 28, 2019, 3:41 pm
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[quote author=Lexophile link=topic=1300.msg37626#msg37626
date=1567018843]
[quote author=Bada link=topic=1300.msg37605#msg37605
date=1566996984]
I'm very curious if her boss is on site to witness this. Does
s/he know about her ranting to clients?
[/quote]
Eh. This might not matter. If she's been there a long time, it's
likely her boss is deliberately hiding from the responsibility
of addressing it.
I worked in an office where the receptionist threw an all-out
hissy fit, complete with throwing her purse into the wall, when
her boyfriend called to say that their car was broken and they
couldn't go to the company holiday party that night. We had
hired a temp to cover the phones while we had our annual meeting
that day, and the temp was watching the whole thing. She
actually looked scared. Receptionist's boss was there too, but
she just turned around and went into her own office when it
happened. Didn't say a word. She just didn't feel like dealing
with it.
[/quote]
I've witnessed these things, like the temp in the example, and
it can be downright scary. I rep at a car rental place was going
off on the phone to someone. Yelling, swearing, animated
gestures. They were in a booth, that was mostly glass, in the
parking lot of the airport. I needed to walk in to do a final
step to return the car. My husband was still getting the luggage
out and doing a couple things with the rep in the lot. (I think
I was supposed to get a print out or hand in paperwork.) I
looked at all the other employees there. No one looked scared or
concerned. They were the epitome of non-plussed. That made me
comfortable enough to go in, but it was still distressing. He
didn't stop when I entered. I called Enterprise headquarters
afterwards to tell them. The District Manager called me back and
said that he knew exactly who and what I was talking about and
thanked me for the call so it could finally be addressed
appropriately. Apparently, the direct supervisor wasn't handling
this employee.
So, all that to say, if it's happening to customers you might
want to see if there's evidence to support that they are
uncomfortable or you're losing business. Is there anything on
online review sites mentioning it? I know a lot of ppl won't say
anything in the moment, but they'll post online about it and
take their business elsewhere. If you can demonstrate that it's
hurting business, I would take that to higher ups. With a "I'm
not sure if you're aware, we have a climate that is harming
customer comfort and satisfaction." I'd also take the
opportunity to add that it's my experience of the climate as
well.
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