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#Post#: 37539--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host's resolving our objection to attendance - Miss Manners
By: Hmmm Date: August 26, 2019, 5:16 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1293.msg37514#msg37514
date=1566838470]
[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=1293.msg37334#msg37334
date=1566584195]
I think this is a perfect example of why we should not JADE: the
guest stated the reason she could no longer attend [too long
drive; after dark], and the host 'fixed' the problem.
[/quote]
Ah, but the guest wasn't talking to the host. The guest was
talking to her friend.
The friend/sister-of-the-host should NOT have carried that
message, and if she forgot and did, then any message about a
POSSIBLE ride should have traveled back along the same way.
[/quote]
I don't think the friend/sister is wrong at all. But this is how
I imagine the conversation with LW to F/S (friend/sister).
LW: I'm really sorry I won't be at the wedding since DH has to
work.
F/S: You should come without him. I'll be there and it will be
fun.
LW: Oh, I wish I could but the 3 hour round trip is just too
much for me and I can't drive after dark either.
I can imagine where F/S would even think LW was bringing up the
problem hoping that she could offer a fix. Had she been fully
honest with F/S by saying "I don't want to attend without my
DH", none of this would have happened.
So I can see where F/S and bride were talking and bride said
'Well, we are planning to invite Joel and he leaves near them.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving LW a ride. Do you want me to
ask him?"
#Post#: 37573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host's resolving our objection to attendance - Miss Manners
By: Gellchom Date: August 27, 2019, 2:00 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1293.msg37539#msg37539
date=1566857796]So I can see where F/S and bride were talking
and bride said 'Well, we are planning to invite Joel and he
leaves near them. I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving LW a ride. Do
you want me to ask him?"
[/quote]
And then, possibly, even if she intended to check with the LW
first, F/S, Bride, or Groom might have happened to talk with
Joel before they reached the LW and asked him, and he said yes.
And I'm sure Joel would not be shocked to get a call from
whoever asked him saying, "LW won't be coming after all, so you
don't need to drive her." It just isn't all that different from
them having checked with her first.
In other words, it might have just been the way it worked out,
on the part of people who were taking her at her word and trying
to be helpful (or even think they were taking a hint from LW to
solve her problem), not some busybody presumptuously making
plans for others.
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