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#Post#: 37033--------------------------------------------------
Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Aleko Date: August 20, 2019, 7:31 am
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A few days ago most of the UK newpapers reported on a recent
survey of UK wedding trends which apparently shows that modern
British brides tailor their wedding arrangements to optimise
Instagrammable moments (no surprise there) but also that the
proportion having page boys in the wedding party has dropped to
38 per cent and that only 48 per cent even have child
bridesmaids. There was a good deal of online comment on these
articles, and one Times reader innocently contributed a real
doozy:
[quote]How sad that people are designing their day for Instagram
.....
We also did away with a wedding breakfast - had a lovely canapes
reception and then "went away" about 6pm. We reconvened in a
private room in a restaurant with a handful of close
friends...much more economical and also more intimate. And
meant we had some meaningful and memorable
conversations![/quote]
Now I think most of us would agree that you just don't invite
people, for any reason, to give up a day and travel
long-distance to celebrate any life event without feeding them
decently. 'Economy' doesn't come into it: if you can't afford to
feed a large crowd a high-end meal, you either trim the guest
list or go for a less ostentatious menu. What you don't do is
give them a few cocktail blinis and things-on-sticks and leave
them to get themselves a burger on the way home. Even less
should you do so with the clearly implied message; 'You lot can
go home now; we want to spend the rest of the evening with the
people we really like'. And she clearly hasn't a clue about any
of this.
#Post#: 37034--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Chez Miriam Date: August 20, 2019, 7:41 am
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I've known of three couples who did the 'handful of close
friends in a restaurant' thing - but that was the entire
wedding, not a 'select' few after other people had been sent
home (once their contribution had been made to the photographs
and gift haul, presumably?).
They can't realise how much bad feeling that must store up for
them in the future, can they?
#Post#: 37049--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Hmmm Date: August 20, 2019, 9:28 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1288.msg37033#msg37033
date=1566304288]
A few days ago most of the UK newpapers reported on a recent
survey of UK wedding trends which apparently shows that modern
British brides tailor their wedding arrangements to optimise
Instagrammable moments (no surprise there) but also that the
proportion having page boys in the wedding party has dropped to
38 per cent and that only 48 per cent even have child
bridesmaids. There was a good deal of online comment on these
articles, and one Times reader innocently contributed a real
doozy:
[quote]How sad that people are designing their day for Instagram
.....
We also did away with a wedding breakfast - had a lovely canapes
reception and then "went away" about 6pm. We reconvened in a
private room in a restaurant with a handful of close
friends...much more economical and also more intimate. And
meant we had some meaningful and memorable
conversations![/quote]
Now I think most of us would agree that you just don't invite
people, for any reason, to give up a day and travel
long-distance to celebrate any life event without feeding them
decently. 'Economy' doesn't come into it: if you can't afford to
feed a large crowd a high-end meal, you either trim the guest
list or go for a less ostentatious menu. What you don't do is
give them a few cocktail blinis and things-on-sticks and leave
them to get themselves a burger on the way home. Even less
should you do so with the clearly implied message; 'You lot can
go home now; we want to spend the rest of the evening with the
people we really like'. And she clearly hasn't a clue about any
of this.
[/quote]
I agree that if you expect people to travel to your wedding you
should host them afterward properly. Was there another part of
the story where the commenter stated the differential between
the number of guests who attended the wedding and canape event
versus the numbers who were invited to dinner? I had always
thought the custom in the UK was for a smaller group at the
morning wedding anyway.
But then I also grew up in the South where a "cake and punch"
reception was perfectly acceptable. But we also didn't have lots
of out of town guests. If you did,they were usually family and
being hosted anyway.
#Post#: 37063--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: lakey Date: August 20, 2019, 11:20 am
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I'm all for simplifying weddings and being financially
responsible. Some of the loveliest weddings I attended were
simple and held in the home of the bride's or groom's parents.
I think that having two tiers of guests in order to save money
is a problem. I'm not that familiar with Instagram, but I find
it interesting that the commenter thought it was terrible that
other couples took Instagram into account, but the commenter
thought it was okay to have less important and more important
guests. Wanting to have an intimate celebration with the family
members and friends who are closest to the couple is great, but
that should be their guest list.
#Post#: 37065--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 20, 2019, 11:44 am
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You know I agree... fiscally wise weddings = AWESOME!!! Only
feeding the favorites = tacky. :(
I read an article (maybe it was posted here or the old site)
about a couple that wanted to do the more intimate sit down
dinner thing with guests, so they flew to various cities
throughout the year and had mini-receptions with various family
and friends. It was super cool! Not a money saving idea, though.
#Post#: 37066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Aleko Date: August 20, 2019, 11:50 am
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[quote]I agree that if you expect people to travel to your
wedding you should host them afterward properly. Was there
another part of the story where the commenter stated the
differential between the number of guests who attended the
wedding and canape event versus the numbers who were invited to
dinner? [/quote]
No: the bit I left out was simply about their having bucked the
apparent trend by having child attendants, and how lovely that
had been.
[quote]I had always thought the custom in the UK was for a
smaller group at the morning wedding anyway.[/quote]
No, it's not the custom. It's acceptable, to be sure, when
necessary. E.g:
- Especially in big conurbations, if the ceremony is at one
location, say in the town centre, and the reception at another,
e.g. a country house hotel just out of town, it can be simply
unfeasible for 100 or more guests to drive to the ceremony, park
and attend, then retrieve their cars and drive to the reception.
(Almost all British town centre layouts pre-date the internal
combustion engine; in many cases just navigating into or out of
them by car, let alone parking in them, requires local
knowledge, skill, and killer instinct.) Especially if it's a
registry office wedding, many couples opt out of sheer necessity
for having just their parents and best friends come with them to
the ceremony in a taxi or two, and meet their guests at the
reception.*
- If the actual venue chosen for the ceremony, e.g. some tiny
10th-century church or a private chapel, is simply too small for
all the guests, some people will have to be invited to the
reception only.
- If it's a religious wedding, and either the denomination
concerned doesn't care to have non-members at its ceremonies, or
it's felt that some of the guests wouldn't be comfortable
attending, for whatever reason.
But if no such practical reasons applied, people would be
surprised - I would be, anyway - to be invited to the reception
only.
*Though a year or so ago I was invited to the wedding of a
friend's daughter at her family's parish church in the outer
London suburbs, then their reception in the ancient hall of one
of the City of London livery companies. They made this feasible
by hiring two red London buses to take the guests from church to
reception, and one to ferry back again all those who had got to
church by car rather than public transport.
#Post#: 37085--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: TootsNYC Date: August 20, 2019, 3:19 pm
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[quote] especially in big conurbations[/quote]
[quote]
con·ur·ba·tion
/ˌkänərˈbāSH(ə)n/
noun
plural noun: conurbations
an extended urban area, typically consisting of several towns
merging with the suburbs of one or more cities.
"the major conurbations of London and Birmingham"[/quote]
#Post#: 37133--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Hmmm Date: August 21, 2019, 8:55 am
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I thought more about this.
I believe that as long as you host them in some way and make it
apparent what that hosting is, it is fine to limit the hosting.
As a guest, you can decide if you'd rather not attend if you
felt the time and cost commitment was too much for a simple
after wedding reception. Or you could think "Yeah, I only have
to give up my Saturday morning for the wedding and then we can
spend the afternoon visiting that museum in the area and try out
that great new bistro that has been getting so much press." Or
"yeah, we can spend the afternoon visiting your cousin George
since they only live an hour away."
I'm trying to make this sound mean because I know in many
cultures it is very much looked down upon to not host wedding
guests in a very lavish style. But I know I don't select which
weddings to attend based on how I will be hosted.
#Post#: 37140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Aleko Date: August 21, 2019, 10:21 am
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[quote]I believe that as long as you host them in some way and
make it apparent what that hosting is, it is fine to limit the
hosting. [/quote]
I absolutely agree. I'm all for moderation in wedding costs, and
if all they can afford by way of a meal for everyone they care
about enough to invite to their wedding is bangers and mash,
that's absolutely fine. But I think if people are coming from
all over - and weddings where the bulk of the guests live
locally are increasingly rare - it's only decent to spend the
budget on a simple but sustaining meal rather than 'lovely posh
canapes', which means they end up eating greasy lukewarm burgers
in a motorway service station on the way home.
Even so, if this bride had decided that canapes was all they
were going to serve, I'd forgive her. It's the decision that
only 'a handful' of her guests rated more than a a few canapes
and a couple of hours of her radiant presence, that is shocking.
#Post#: 37145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing away with the wedding breakfast
By: Hmmm Date: August 21, 2019, 11:52 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1288.msg37140#msg37140
date=1566400909]
[quote]I believe that as long as you host them in some way and
make it apparent what that hosting is, it is fine to limit the
hosting. [/quote]
I absolutely agree. I'm all for moderation in wedding costs, and
if all they can afford by way of a meal for everyone they care
about enough to invite to their wedding is bangers and mash,
that's absolutely fine. But I think if people are coming from
all over - and weddings where the bulk of the guests live
locally are increasingly rare - it's only decent to spend the
budget on a simple but sustaining meal rather than 'lovely posh
canapes', which means they end up eating greasy lukewarm burgers
in a motorway service station on the way home.
Even so, if this bride had decided that canapes was all they
were going to serve, I'd forgive her. It's the decision that
only 'a handful' of her guests rated more than a a few canapes
and a couple of hours of her radiant presence, that is shocking.
[/quote]
I see your point. Since I probably would have had breakfast
before attending a morning wedding having a selection of canapes
mid day would probably tied me over till my evening meal. But I
do understand that others would be looking for something more
substantial.
It's probably regional differences too. I don't see how having
20 of maybe 100 guests is having a A and B class guests
especially since the events are far apart in timing. It's like
having the rehearsal dinner with just family and close friends
the night before or having a morning after brunch with just a
few friends and close family. Usually not everyone invited to
the wedding is invited to those in my area. And most guests
wouldn't want to dedicate their time to attending those in
addition to the wedding.
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