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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 37031--------------------------------------------------
Asked for career advice
By: Hanna Date: August 20, 2019, 7:11 am
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In my role I interact frequently with a 30 something man who is
good at his job but often has emotional outbursts and issues. He
refers frequently to his psychiatrist. He has alienated himself
from much of my team including my VP through years of crossing
boundaries and inappropriate emails. As an example, he will
complain if not invited to meetings where his thinks he belongs,
call people at home on weekends to apologize for his bad
behavior, scour personal calendars for info then use it to seem
in-the-know. He once emailed a VP that he hardly knows and
wrote that he knew he may not be invited to an important meeting
but that *I* really should be in there. This would have been
very embarrassing had the VP not immediately realized I had
nothing to do with this.
I strive to stay patient and kind, remind him to be professional
and use his help where I see fit. If he gets into doing these
things with respect to my staff I step in.
Now he’s asking me for 5 minutes for advice about a posted job.
No one on our team would touch him with a ten foot pole, and I
don’t want to get myself involved in giving him advice because
my advice would be thank the heavens you haven’t been fired and
keep your head down. He’s likely to create drama if I don’t word
it the right way when I tell him no, I don’t want to speak about
career path for him.
Ideas? Something personal would be my best bet.
Do you work with anyone like this? It is a bit like Siocat’s
situation; I’m not ever going to HR about this guy unless he
causes issues for my staff.
#Post#: 37032--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: DaDancingPsych Date: August 20, 2019, 7:22 am
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I cannot determine whether you are a manager or a co-worker to
this guy. If a manager, I think you need to give him something.
I would probably tell him to remain focused on his current goals
of remaining professional... the things that I assume that you
have already discussed in an effort to keep him employed. If a
co-worker, I would probably tell him that I did not feel
qualified to advise him in this situation.
He sounds like a picnic to work with.
#Post#: 37036--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Chez Miriam Date: August 20, 2019, 7:46 am
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Is the job he's applying for the same as what he does now/you
do?
There's always the "I don't really know much/anything about
<that field>, and I would hate to give you bad advice" option if
the job isn't similar.
If it is in the same field, do you know when the deadline is?
CowardlyMiriam would most definitely be "too busy right now"
until after that time had passed...
{{Hugs}} and good luck, because I suspect you're going to need
them, Hanna. :(
#Post#: 37043--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Hanna Date: August 20, 2019, 9:07 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1287.msg37032#msg37032
date=1566303769]
I cannot determine whether you are a manager or a co-worker to
this guy. If a manager, I think you need to give him something.
I would probably tell him to remain focused on his current goals
of remaining professional... the things that I assume that you
have already discussed in an effort to keep him employed. If a
co-worker, I would probably tell him that I did not feel
qualified to advise him in this situation.
He sounds like a picnic to work with.
[/quote]
I’m a manager but not his manager.
Total picnic. I vacillate between compassion and irritation.
#Post#: 37045--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: katiekat2009 Date: August 20, 2019, 9:08 am
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I would send this in to "Ask A Manager" and get their advice.
It's usually good.
#Post#: 37046--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Hanna Date: August 20, 2019, 9:13 am
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[quote author=Chez Miriam link=topic=1287.msg37036#msg37036
date=1566305189]
Is the job he's applying for the same as what he does now/you
do?
There's always the "I don't really know much/anything about
<that field>, and I would hate to give you bad advice" option if
the job isn't similar.
If it is in the same field, do you know when the deadline is?
CowardlyMiriam would most definitely be "too busy right now"
until after that time had passed...
{{Hugs}} and good luck, because I suspect you're going to need
them, Hanna. :(
[/quote]
I’m not even sure of the position. He digs into everything so
must have found something posted internally. Yesterday he was
asking me about a new role that he thought reported to me and I
said nope and I know little to nothing about it.
He can be a bit like a vendor when he talks to people, dropping
names and info to get more info. It’s tough. And when I tick him
off I’ll get a series of emails. First being mad, second a few
minutes later apologizing and telling me he’s making a Dr. Appt.
I’ve learned to ignore both.
I’ll try the “I’m really busy” tactic for now. Might add the
“I’m not in any position to give anyone advice and don’t feel
qualified.” This is hard because I’m usually very happy to help
or just be a sounding board for anyone that asks. Feels weird to
turn someone away.
#Post#: 37047--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Hanna Date: August 20, 2019, 9:14 am
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[quote author=katiekat2009 link=topic=1287.msg37045#msg37045
date=1566310130]
I would send this in to "Ask A Manager" and get their advice.
It's usually good.
[/quote]
I love that site! I’m always just wanting instant advice so I’ve
never asked any questions. Also worried that someone might
recognize me because a few coworkers know I read it.
#Post#: 37052--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Chez Miriam Date: August 20, 2019, 9:40 am
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Another tack could be: "I'm sure you will figure it out". That
demonstrates a degree of faith in the person's ability to run
their own life without external input...
And if he can't figure it out, he's probably not right for the
job anyway?!
Have you tried asking what his therapist suggests? Part of any
counselling process is helping the patient to work out what they
think about the process, so that could be a first port of call:
"have you discussed this with your psychiatrist? (S)he is
trained to help you through these kinds of difficulties". Just
an idea.
#Post#: 37054--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: Runningstar Date: August 20, 2019, 10:23 am
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How about you advising him to go to ask a manager! Or even
better - his manager. Keep repeating that he needs to ask his
own manager, and walk away (or pick up the phone and make an
important call, like to your own voicemail).
#Post#: 37064--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asked for career advice
By: MiriamCatriona Date: August 20, 2019, 11:36 am
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Hi Coworker,
I'm not able to help you with that at this time. Best of luck.
Hanna
Any excuse you give is an opportunity for him to refute your
reasoning. If he does push the issue, reply with "That will not
be possible" and offer the bean dip.
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