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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 37099--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: ZekailleTasker
Date: August 20, 2019, 5:50 pm
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To clarify, when she first started working with me and then for
me, Eve was a hugger and so am I. Libraries tend to be a lot
looser about those things. We all hug each other all the time.
After my Dad passed away, people who are scared of physical
contact were coming up to me at meetings and tossing their arms
about me. It's what we do and it would have been strange if I
didn't hug her at that moment.
Here's the thing: as hurt as I am by what Eve tried to do and as
GLAD as I am that she is gone, there is a part of me that mourns
for what I thought was a pretty solid friendship. But I
understand she is like this with everyone, including people she
calls friends. So I also feel rather awful that I am annoyed
with my true friends' reactions than I am with Eve for her
betrayals.
#Post#: 37214--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: August 22, 2019, 8:13 am
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--- Quote from: ZekailleTasker link ---
>
> To clarify, when she first started working with me and then
for me, Eve was a hugger and so am I. Libraries tend to be a
lot looser about those things. We all hug each other all the
time. After my Dad passed away, people who are scared of
physical contact were coming up to me at meetings and tossing
their arms about me. It's what we do and it would have been
strange if I didn't hug her at that moment.
>
> Here's the thing: as hurt as I am by what Eve tried to do and
as GLAD as I am that she is gone, there is a part of me that
mourns for what I thought was a pretty solid friendship. But I
understand she is like this with everyone, including people she
calls friends. So I also feel rather awful that I am annoyed
with my true friends' reactions than I am with Eve for her
betrayals.
>
--- End Quote ---
One of the jobs I left [screaming boss], part of the hurt was
that it had all started so well: we got on great, I got a pay
rise [because of how quickly I moved up the 'ladder'], we used
to go out for coffee/lunch/drinks, I was invited to her
wedding...
And then she changed. ??? Had I been the only person to leave
her team [I wasn't; she 'lost' about 1 person a month in the 18
months I was there], I would have thought it was me. Everyone
assured me "it's not you, it's her". She told everyone how well
she was coping with being a manager, buying a house, planning a
wedding. But her behaviour 'told' a different story. A bit
like: 'if someone tells they love you, believe their actions'.
For me, it was the loss of what was, and what could have been.
Please don't feel awful for being cross with your friends [I'm
fairly sure you're not ranting at them about it!]: they are the
ones who are supposed to 'have your back'; Eve, clearly, only
cares about #1 - that sort of person cannot (by their very
nature) have anyone's back. I'm guessing you'd already made the
disconnect from feeling friendship with her?
A bit like if a stranger insults you in some way: you know it's
not personal, but down to a flaw in that stranger. If a person
you care about says the same thing, it hurts; it feels personal
[and meant], even if they're just having a cr@p day and need to
"share the love".
I don't think I explained that well, but I hope you understand
what I was trying to say.
{{Hugs}}
#Post#: 37222--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: August 22, 2019, 9:28 am
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What did your friend want you to do? Throw a drink in her face?
Start a fist fight? What could possibly be gained by the airing
of grievances? Even a simple refusal to attend the party could
have been made into gossip fodder.
You were polite to Eve. By being polite, you were considerate to
the other party goers. You made an excuse, and you left. I think
you did exactly the right thing. At the end of the day, you left
a positive impression with people you will continue to work
with.
#Post#: 37261--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: August 22, 2019, 3:12 pm
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ZekailleTasker, I'm sorry to read about your father's passing.
Please accept my condolences.
#Post#: 37269--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: Dazi
Date: August 22, 2019, 4:36 pm
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I think your retired friend had forgotten what business
etiquette and professionalism is... especially when you're the
boss. Sometimes you just have to suck up your grievances against
a person and truly wish them well in their future endeavors
(bonus: when those future endeavors are really far away from
you!)
#Post#: 37270--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: Dazi
Date: August 22, 2019, 4:37 pm
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--- Quote from: Dazi link ---
>
> I think your retired friend has forgotten what business
etiquette and professionalism are... especially when you're the
boss. Sometimes you just have to suck up your grievances against
a person and truly wish them well in their future endeavors
(bonus: when those future endeavors are really far away from
you!)
>
--- End Quote ---
#Post#: 37324--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: Girlie
Date: August 23, 2019, 10:58 am
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I think your behavior was professional, and you have no cause to
worry. You did exactly what I would expect someone's
supervisor/manager to do. In fact, if a supervisor was unable to
put their personal feelings aside in order to attend a farewell
gathering, I would be concerned about what might happen in the
future should they have conflict with other employees.
Your coworker may need to reevaluate the definition of
hypocrisy.
#Post#: 37331--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: lisastitch
Date: August 23, 2019, 12:37 pm
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--- Quote from: Dazi link ---
>
> I think your retired friend had forgotten what business
etiquette and professionalism is... especially when you're the
boss. Sometimes you just have to suck up your grievances against
a person and truly wish them well in their future endeavors
(bonus: when those future endeavors are really far away from
you!)
>
--- End Quote ---
This is what I've been thinking--that she's been retired long
enough to have forgotten some of the accomodations we make. I
also wondered if she had been in a supervisory/managerial
position. i have avoided that path (for many reasons) but I am
aware that I can "get away with" some things that a
manager/supervisor could not. There is less asked of me in
certain ways.
It may also have been a joke that fell flat. I could see your
friend, knowing you dislike Eve, saying, in a light-hearted,
teasing way, "I'm shocked! Didn't you feel hypocritical?",
acknowledging that this would be uncomfortable for you, and you
responding, "Yes, but you gotta do what you gotta do".
#Post#: 37610--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
DIR By: bopper
Date: August 28, 2019, 9:36 am
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The answer is: "No, I came to the party to make sure she is
actually leaving."
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