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#Post#: 37006--------------------------------------------------
IS This really Hypocritical?
By: ZekailleTasker Date: August 19, 2019, 4:59 pm
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I don't know where to put this since it overlaps work and
outside work.
Eve Harrington finally quit and took a new job in another state.
Good luck to the other state. While I am still removing the
knives she stabbed into my back, I had no idea about the depth
of her perfidy until AFTER she was gone and AFTER we had a party
for her. She had an endgame and a plan and had been bragging to
her buds that she was going to get me fired so she could take my
job.
I had been giving her the benefit of the doubt: my notion was
she was 25, very ambitious and thought she knew everything. I
knew everything when I was 25, too, though I was not looking to
knock off my boss.
Well, a party was held to say goodbye. I had been asked to put
the party together since I had been her supervisor the longest.
I said "No" and suggested some of her work friends could do it.
Which they did.
I was asked to attend and I did. My department put together a
gift for her and we delivered it at the party.
I only stayed until she arrived, I gave her a hug, told her I
was proud of her and said I was sorry that I had made other
plans long before her party was planned. (True.)
At the other event I was attending, one of my retired coworker
friends said she was shocked that I went to the party as it made
me look like a hypocrite. I was peeved more by that statement
than by anything else that happened. I took a deep breath and
said "Well, I think it makes me look like the bigger person."
My friend laughed, but the comment left a bad taste in my mouth.
Don't get me wrong: I am peeved more than I can say with Miss
Eve, but why make me feel worse with that comment?
#Post#: 37007--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: August 19, 2019, 5:26 pm
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I would note the comment, and move that person a few pegs down
in rank of friendship. Not cut completely, unless it is part of
a pattern. Insensitive, yes. Unneeded? yes. But part of being a
bigger person is to not let that kind of remark live rent-free
in your head.
#Post#: 37009--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: August 19, 2019, 6:11 pm
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What you did was called business etiquette. You were polite, and
set a great example to the other staff (and to Eve as well) what
professionalism and workplace courtesy look like.
The friend who criticized you is lacking in this regard.
#Post#: 37013--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: lakey Date: August 19, 2019, 6:58 pm
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[quote]
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
« Reply #2 on: Today at 06:11:33 pm »
Quote
What you did was called business etiquette. You were polite, and
set a great example to the other staff (and to Eve as well) what
professionalism and workplace courtesy look like.
The friend who criticized you is lacking in this regard.[/quote]
I agree with this. Your professional behavior is different from
your behavior in your social/personal life. In your professional
life you often need to set aside your personal feelings and do
what is expected of you. If you worked with Eve, then your
completely skipping out on her going away party would have had
the effect of telling everyone at work that you disliked her so
much that you couldn't be bothered to show up at all. You are
always going to have to work with people you don't really like,
but you behave toward them with courtesy because that's how the
workplace functions.
Not only were you the bigger person, but you acted like a
professional. Your "friend" needs to think before she speaks.
#Post#: 37018--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: NFPwife Date: August 19, 2019, 10:15 pm
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I agree that this was a the correct professional response. On
the projects I work on, we occasionally have a hire who isn't
right for the position. When that person moves on, I advise the
supervisor to attend these functions, sign the card, and wish
the person well. Even if the final paperwork is being marked
"not eligible for re-hire." We want to maintain as much goodwill
as the person is going out the door as possible and, hopefully,
it's an opportunity for the person to reflect on their behavior.
Your friend was completely off base. I'm guessing the comment
was particularly annoying because you worked to craft a polished
and professional demeanor and response only to be told you
lacked integrity. (Which is wrong!)
#Post#: 37028--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: Hanna Date: August 20, 2019, 6:55 am
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No, not one bit. It was kind and polite.
#Post#: 37029--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: Aleko Date: August 20, 2019, 7:07 am
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Of course you were right to go, say some polite things and wish
her well! It would have looked petty and spiteful not to.
I have to say that I would feel hypocritical if I hugged someone
I detested and who I knew hated me; maybe that, rather than your
simply showing up, that prompted your friend's comment. But
then, I've never worked anywhere that hugging colleagues was the
done thing at all. If it is the normal and expected thing at
leaving parties in your workplace, and it would have looked
unfriendly not to do it, then fair enough.
#Post#: 37038--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: Chez Miriam Date: August 20, 2019, 8:02 am
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[quote author=lakey link=topic=1286.msg37013#msg37013
date=1566259131]
[quote]
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
« Reply #2 on: Today at 06:11:33 pm »
Quote
What you did was called business etiquette. You were polite, and
set a great example to the other staff (and to Eve as well) what
professionalism and workplace courtesy look like.
The friend who criticized you is lacking in this regard.[/quote]
I agree with this. Your professional behavior is different from
your behavior in your social/personal life. In your professional
life you often need to set aside your personal feelings and do
what is expected of you. If you worked with Eve, then your
completely skipping out on her going away party would have had
the effect of telling everyone at work that you disliked her so
much that you couldn't be bothered to show up at all. You are
always going to have to work with people you don't really like,
but you behave toward them with courtesy because that's how the
workplace functions.
Not only were you the bigger person, but you acted like a
professional. Your "friend" needs to think before she speaks.
[/quote]
I have left two workplaces* where my immediate boss told
everyone "we're not having a Leaving Do for Miriam", and yet
everyone else scurried around quietly in the background to do a
card/present, and take me quietly out for a drink afterwards.
I had to field many mystified comments about "why is she being
like this?", but all I could do was say "I'm going to miss
you!". Even though I'd left the company earlier that day, I
couldn't bring myself to say "I could no longer tolerate being
screamed at on a daily basis for doing my job (so well that
higher management compliment me)".
I promise, not showing up and being polite will have told a much
greater [and much worse] story that putting in a brief,
well-worded appearance.
Your friend is wrong; you are not a hyocrite, just a good boss.
It's harder to be a good boss to the bad employee, but doing so
sends a message to all employees, colleagues, and people 'higher
up the food chain'.
I think you did well; please disregard this woman's comments -
she is not making a good assessment of the situation.
* I left both workplaces despite loving the job and my
colleagues because of problem bosses. :'(
#Post#: 37050--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: Hmmm Date: August 20, 2019, 9:32 am
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1286.msg37009#msg37009
date=1566256293]
What you did was called business etiquette. You were polite, and
set a great example to the other staff (and to Eve as well) what
professionalism and workplace courtesy look like.
The friend who criticized you is lacking in this regard.
[/quote]
I agree with this. My only caveat would be that I probably
wouldn't have hugged her.
#Post#: 37057--------------------------------------------------
Re: IS This really Hypocritical?
By: TootsNYC Date: August 20, 2019, 10:38 am
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Etiquette requires hypocrisy all the time--so does kindness.
I agree that part of "being the bigger person" hopefully will
lead you to not letting that snarky person live rent-free in
your head.
That was a crappy comment.
I'm going to agree w/ Hmmm--I probably wouldn't have hugged her.
But then, I don't hug many people at work.
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