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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 36629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: August 14, 2019, 12:49 pm
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"When you are inquiring about an employee, please refer to them
by name so we know who you are talking about."
This is unprofessional and too cutesy for work. At my workplace,
many employees (including me) are related to each other. We call
everyone by their names at work, even when the person is your
actual mother or father.
#Post#: 36631--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: Codewoman
Date: August 14, 2019, 12:54 pm
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--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
> "When you are inquiring about an employee, please refer to
them by name so we know who you are talking about."
>
> This is unprofessional and too cutesy for work. At my
workplace, many employees (including me) are related to each
other. We call everyone by their names at work, even when the
person is your actual mother or father.
>
--- End Quote ---
This. I am also related to someone I work with and this is how I
handle it.
#Post#: 36634--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: lakey
Date: August 14, 2019, 1:43 pm
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This is the type of thing that I find really annoying. As
another commenter said, it's too unprofessional and cutesy for
work. If I were "the children" I would find it patronizing. If a
man did this to women employees, it could get him into a lot of
trouble. If "the children" are bothered by it, they need to
decide how to deal with it.
What you are concerned with is how you deal with it when she
includes you in her silliness and unprofessionalism. Personally,
when she came to me and started chirping about where her
"children" were, I would raise my eyebrows and say, "A and B are
....." Then I'd throw something at her. Just kidding. Kind of.
Just be thankful that she isn't using baby talk when she talks
to them.
I knew someone who talked baby talk to her 50 year old
boyfriend. Yeah, that's right, stuck in a car with a middle aged
woman talking baby talk to her boyfriend and you can't vomit
because it's a closed in space.
#Post#: 36635--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: myfamily
Date: August 14, 2019, 1:48 pm
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I think the parent-child faux relationship is a red herring. If
they want to do this, it is up to them. The real issue is how
Edna interrupted a meeting in a dramatic and non-professional
manner. Unless this was a family emergency (and I don't mean
the type that happens when you run out of ice cream), she had no
call to interrupt a meeting. That needs to be addressed (and
maybe make sure your team members are onboard with this family
thing - she may be pushing something on them that they don't
want or appreciate, and if she is doing it while being so
unprofessional, this could be an opportunity to help them end
this).
#Post#: 36638--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: August 14, 2019, 2:15 pm
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Could someone explain what a "self chosen family" is. I've
never heard of this. Thank you. I agree, however, with others
who say that regardless of what it means to someone, this is not
professional behavior and should not be allowed in the
workplace.
#Post#: 36639--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: lisastitch
Date: August 14, 2019, 2:21 pm
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=Bada link=topic=1275.msg36619#msg36619
date=1565800421]
> How do Alex and Cindy feel about it? I might be more willing
to go along with it if they eagerly embraced it...which I doubt
they did, but just in case...
>
--- End Quote ---
I don’t think I would go along with this even if all three were
on board. Even if these people were biologically related parent
and children, Edna’s behavior at work is not appropriate.
[/quote]
But I am more willing to accept it if the "children" are happy
with it.
However, I would comment that our "son of the heart" works in a
family business with his parents. He calls both of them by
their first names because it's better to take family
relationships out of a business as much as possible, and I think
I'd be telling her to call them by their names and contact them
as she would any other co-workers.
#Post#: 36648--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: August 14, 2019, 4:14 pm
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That is just odd. I think her running to you like that is border
line edging into completely inappropriate. In my opinion, I
wouldn't play along.
"Have you seen my kids"
Either, "No, I havent" or "If they wanted you to know, I'm sure
they would have told you."
Would be appropriate. I think you should also find out how the
"kids" feel about this. They may be avoiding her.
#Post#: 36650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: August 14, 2019, 4:42 pm
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Sorry. To me this is just weird and icky. If I were one of
the people she has pronounced to be her "children" I think I
might be considering bringing it to the attention of HR. It
seems demeaning to them and at least a potential form of
harassment.
If all three are okay with this 'family' game, then tell all
three that they need to conduct their 'family' business outside
working hours. Professionally they will all be expected to be
addressed by their actual names.
#Post#: 36651--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: August 14, 2019, 4:43 pm
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As I’ve always understood it, a ‘self-chosen family’ is very
much like the characters on ‘Friends’. Blood family members are
too far away either by physical distance or mentality to be much
use to these people. The self-chosen family consists of the
people with whom you want to spend a holiday dinner or a
vacation. Such families are often constructed by LGBTQ+ people
and can be quite positive. Everybody is considered an equal in
the family and the members form a support group for each other.
We don’t know how Alec and Cindy feel about this but Edna comes
across as a classic bully. She assigns others subsidiary roles
while she will be the star of the show. There is no place at
work for this sort of relationship.
#Post#: 36653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
DIR By: Tea Drinker
Date: August 14, 2019, 4:57 pm
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"Chosen family" (which is the way I usually see it written) is
two or more people who have agreed to treat each other as
family, even though they aren't related by birth, formal
adoption, or marriage. It's more common among people who don't
have generally recognized family, or don't feel close to their
families of origin. This is more common in the LGBT community
than among cisgender heterosexuals, because more of us feel the
need of a family that loves and accepts us, without a "but..."
attached.
Some people will say "we're sisters" or "I'm your mom now,"
others just say "s/he's family." You may well know someone who
has that sort of chosen family: if I say "I'm going to Montreal
because I have family there," few people ask exactly what the
relationship is, and almost nobody is going to ask which side of
the family when I say "my nephew." (The first time I went to
England, I told the immigration person "I'm going to be staying
with my cousin in Guilford," and he didn't ask for proof of the
relationship. He was my second cousin once removed, and how many
of us can easily prove our relationships to our second and third
cousins.)
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