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#Post#: 36613--------------------------------------------------
Do I have to play along?
By: SioCat Date: August 14, 2019, 10:43 am
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This question is because of work situations, but it’s not
specific to work. That’s just where it happened.
There is an associate in my building, but not my department, who
has started calling two of my associates her children. This
person is in their early 20’s and the “children” are 19 and 33.
Over a week ago, Edna came into my department and asked where
Alex and a Cindy were. I said that Alex has gone home and Cindy
is on a break. Edna tells me that they are her kids. I probably
looked very confused and Edna tells me that they are a self
chosen family. I say I’m busy.
Yesterday, Edna rushes into my department and asks “Where are
they?!?”. I was actually in the middle of coaching my team, so I
just ask who? Her tone indicated that it was urgent and she says
her kids. Now I’m annoyed and so is my team.
There is a lot of backstory, but I don’t think relevant for the
question. And the question is... I don’t have to play along, do
I? There has to be a polite way of saying that “this is weird
and I don’t want to play along”, but I haven’t been able to
figure it out.
#Post#: 36614--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: NewHomeowner Date: August 14, 2019, 10:46 am
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Someone else will have a more polite way of saying it, but I
agree that no, you do not have to play along.
She's being ridiculous.
#Post#: 36615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: Thitpualso Date: August 14, 2019, 10:55 am
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Oh, the Deity! No, you certainly don’t have to play along with
this idiocy.
Self chosen families are fine but usually, people identify as
siblings or cousins. It’s decidedly weird for a a person in her
20s to decide that a person in her 30s is a ‘child’. This sort
of thing has no place in a work situation.
Just treat the people with whom you work as themselves and
ignore any reference to ‘the kids’.
#Post#: 36616--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: Jayhawk Date: August 14, 2019, 11:05 am
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that is just creepy/weird.
#Post#: 36617--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: Jem Date: August 14, 2019, 11:21 am
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You do not need to play along. Assuming it is not your job to
monitor Alex and Cindy I would just tell Edna you don’t know
where they are and to stop asking you because it is not your job
to keep tabs on them. Maybe suggest she contact them on their
personal cell phones.
Edited: I see Alex and Cindy May report to you so I would just
tell Edna that you will ask them to contact her, if business
related, when they are able. If not business related, I would
just tell Edna to contact them on their personal phones outside
work.
#Post#: 36618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: lowspark Date: August 14, 2019, 11:31 am
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Do Alex and Cindy report to you? I'm not clear on that. If they
do, then I would tell THEM to tell Edna to stop it.
#Post#: 36619--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: Bada Date: August 14, 2019, 11:33 am
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How do Alex and Cindy feel about it? I might be more willing to
go along with it if they eagerly embraced it...which I doubt
they did, but just in case...
#Post#: 36620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: Jem Date: August 14, 2019, 11:35 am
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[quote author=Bada link=topic=1275.msg36619#msg36619
date=1565800421]
How do Alex and Cindy feel about it? I might be more willing to
go along with it if they eagerly embraced it...which I doubt
they did, but just in case...
[/quote]
I don’t think I would go along with this even if all three were
on board. Even if these people were biologically related parent
and children, Edna’s behavior at work is not appropriate.
#Post#: 36624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: oogyda Date: August 14, 2019, 12:01 pm
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Others have given you some great advice on how to deal with it
without "playing along".
However, in the current culture of self identifying, I would
advise against calling it weird and refusing to *play* along
with something that may be very real to them.
#Post#: 36628--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to play along?
By: TootsNYC Date: August 14, 2019, 12:44 pm
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This reminds me of the Ask A Manager question about the woman
who wanted people at work to refer to her boyfriend as her
"master" (they were in a dominant/submissive relationship).
I don't think you have to play along, or use their terms.
I'd start saying to Edna, "It's not appropriate for you to keep
track of them at work as though you were their mother. If you
WERE their mother, it would be inappropriate."
And "don't interrupt me looking for them; if you need them for
work, use the normal ways people find each other, like email or
a phone call."
and if she calls them "my kids," I'd say, "use their names,
please."
i wouldn't bother talking about how weird it is, or saying "I'm
not going to play along"; I'd address the behavior specifically
and just refuse to play their game.
(I also wonder how the other two feel about it. Even if they
kind of like it, they are going to be tired of it really soon,
is my bet. Especially if this is the way "mother" behaves!
They'll go through adolescence really quick is my prediction.
I also think it's notable that she is the one who announced it
to you, and not them; she's claiming an authority and ownership,
they're not establishing it.)
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