DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 36391--------------------------------------------------
Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Runningstar Date: August 10, 2019, 2:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I am planning a memorial service for my brother, he died last
week very unexpectedly. I wondered if anyone that has held one
(or been to one) has any advice. It will be held in a church,
with a light lunch for everyone afterwards.
I specifically want to know things like did you set up a picture
display, did you have a guest book, any precautionary tales for
dealing with drama, etc.
Did you have food afterwards, what did you have, would you do
something differently next time? Any advice would be
appreciated, I am meeting with the Pastor next week and I know
that he will be very helpful also.
#Post#: 36393--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Gellchom Date: August 10, 2019, 2:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I hope you are all
doing OK.
The only advice I have is that if there will be multiple people
speaking, remind them that they will not each be the only one
speaking (or give them a time limit), and suggest people
coordinate so that they are not all telling the same stories,
which I’ve seen happen for too many times.
#Post#: 36401--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Jem Date: August 10, 2019, 6:32 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I am so sorry for your loss. At various memorial services for
young people my family does displays of photos, artwork, things
important to the deceased, etc for people to see and reminisce
over. It was important to me to see the people I love as they
were vibrant and alive rather than only in the casket.
#Post#: 36404--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Tea Drinker Date: August 10, 2019, 7:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry for your loss.
When I organized a memorial service for my best friend, it was
just people getting up and talking about her, and then talking
to each other, mostly about her.
One thing that helped a lot was that another friend volunteered
as a sort of MC. So I told people "if you'd like to get up and
talk, please tell Jeanne so she can organize it." Everyone who
wanted to talk got a chance; having a list meant that we weren't
sitting there waiting for someone to get up next, and also that
we didn't have two or three people trying to talk at the same
time. The MC told me afterwards that she had told one
long-winded person before we started that he should talk about
our friend, not about himself or our friend group as a whole. So
it would be fine to say something like "she introduced me to
Gilbert and Sullivan" but not to then launch into a long
anecdote about his involvement with the local Gilbert and
Sullivan Society. That's all I (we) did to deal with possible
drama, and it was sufficient.
My friend's sister brought photos of her, and displayed them on
a table. That was a good thing that I hadn't been expecting (for
reasons of geography).
We had food afterwards, things that would have made up a light
lunch if it hadn't been mid-afternoon.
#Post#: 36408--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: AnnNottingham Date: August 10, 2019, 9:38 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
There seems to be "church ladies" in every church who
materialize and organize these things. Are they doing the lunch?
The pastor will also have advice and guidance, for instance, do
you want to book the organist? If you want your own music,
you'll find out what music is allowed, etc.
My parents and my brother had memorial services. For my mother,
we made a collage of her pictures and put it in the foyer of the
church. There was also a guest book. The "church ladies"
arranged platters of cookies and other sweets, and punch. In
every service I've been to (my one brother's was very casual but
organized by the cemetery), the eulogies were arranged in
advance so the people could sit in the front row.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
#Post#: 36415--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Raintree Date: August 11, 2019, 1:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for your loss.
When organizing my dad's, it was not in a church as we are not a
religious family, but we went around to various venues for a
celebration of life and chose the one that seemed nicest and had
the most stuff included. So, the projector for our pictures, a
lectern, catering on site. My sister said, "I'll do the music,
and you do the pictures." Seemed like a deal to me. She went
through and found all his favourite music, and I went through my
collection to put together a variety of pictures. A few days in
advance, we went there for a test run to make sure the equipment
worked how we wanted it to. We had an emcee, some speeches, some
time for others who wanted to get up and speak about him, and
then time to mingle and eat finger foods. Wine, beer, and
non-alcoholic beverages were served. It was a lovely time and I
just wish he could have been there.
#Post#: 36419--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Runningstar Date: August 11, 2019, 7:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=guihong link=topic=1270.msg36408#msg36408
date=1565491092]
There seems to be "church ladies" in every church who
materialize and organize these things. Are they doing the lunch?
[/quote]
I have been one of those "church ladies" myself - many times!
Most likely there will be volunteers to come and help, the food
will be part catered, part made by me (definitely cookies, and a
pasta salad, and a green salad). I'm going to order a large
cake - and any leftovers will be sent home with whoever comes.
There might be only 20, or there could be 50, who knows! If we
don't have enough food - then I'll order a few pizzas (maybe
have a friend doing that duty - if it looks like the numbers
attending are unexpected, then she can slip out and order the
pizzas, pay by credit card, and leave tip money with the church
ladies).
#Post#: 36422--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: gramma dishes Date: August 11, 2019, 8:26 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1270.msg36415#msg36415
date=1565504269]
... It was a lovely time and I just wish he could have been
there.
[/quote]
He was. You just couldn't see him. ;)
#Post#: 36424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: Thitpualso Date: August 11, 2019, 8:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My condolences on your loss.
When we were planning MIL’s memorial service SIL’s husband came
up with a good idea. Those in the family who wanted to speak
emailed what we planned on saying to him. He coordinated our
remarks, and arranged an order of speakers. We were
congratulated on how smoothly everything went.
#Post#: 36442--------------------------------------------------
Re: Planning a Memorial Service - advice?
By: GardenGal Date: August 11, 2019, 1:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm so sorry for you loss. I agree with PP about limiting the
amount of time each friend or family member can speak. DH and I
went to a memorial service about 4 years ago for the husband of
a friend (we weren't very close). There was a nice buffet
beforehand, which we hadn't expected, and that lasted about an
hour from the start time for the service. His family came from
out of state to attend. There were brief remarks by a pastor,
and then the family got up, one by one, and started to speak.
They were still going strong over 90 minutes later when we left;
we hadn't expected this to last well over 2 hours (with no end
in sight), and we had previously made other plans. I hope they
didn't think us disrespectful. It was easily twice as long as
any similar service I've attended.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page