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#Post#: 37668--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Chez Miriam Date: August 29, 2019, 7:45 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1266.msg37512#msg37512
date=1566838103]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1266.msg37452#msg37452
date=1566770080]
I’d like to request again that relate our own practices and
preferences in a way that does not imply that other people are
wrong to make other choices. Others do not have to be wrong for
us to be right. T Someone could write, in a string about whether
to change your name when you marry, “I kept my last name because
I am not subsuming my identity to my husband’s,“ and they
haven’t explicitly said that they think anyone who does change
their name has done so. But it’s pretty hard not to hear the
tacit implication, isn’t it? Sometimes just adding something
like “to me, it feels funny because …” can go a long way.
[/quote]
I think it's fair to ask the reader to be the one to add that
qualifier.
People are typing quickly, and I think it's good if we all just
decide to not be offended because someone thinks differently
from us.
[/quote]
I also think we can ask for clarification from a poster, too -
for the most part, we're a pretty great bunch, who are happy to
clarify what we meant!
I may read something one way [the way my mind works], but if it
seems harsh/unfair, I will ask: "do you mean <harsh thing>, or
have I misunderstood?". I've received clarifications that have
allowed me to then post "oh, thanks for explaining I was totally
missing your point".
When a poster hasn't responded, I've tended more towards
assuming they meant <harsh thing>, but I still wouldn't be sure
until I've seen a LOT of posts from that person that 'inform' me
"yup, this person often says <inflammatory> things; it's not me,
it's them".
#Post#: 39647--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Girlie Date: October 1, 2019, 3:54 pm
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If my children are around, or I'm speaking of them in context,
then I refer to my own mother as "Grandma," my in-laws by their
respective nicknames, and to my DH as "Daddy." They also refer
to me as "Mommy." We do this because my toddler started calling
us all by our first names.
When the kids are not around, I call my in-laws by their first
names, even though my MIL had invited me to call her "Mom" when
my DH and I first married. I feel more comfortable that way.
#Post#: 39711--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: violinp Date: October 2, 2019, 2:11 pm
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This...kinda gets complicated with my family and Double Bass'
family.
Double Bass' mom's husband is Double Bass' father legally - he
adopted him when Double Bass was 9. Obviously, he calls them
both Mom and Dad. If he ever has to refer to his mom's husband
before my FIL, he calls him by his first name, and he almost
never refers to his biological father, and never has by name in
my presence (Biofather abandoned him and MIL because he was born
sickly and 3 months premature).
My mom passed away 5 years ago, and Double Bass never met her.
My dad married a woman this year, and Wendy, his wife, is a year
younger than I am. So, there's no way I'm calling her Mom, never
mind Double Bass.
I call my PIL by their first names, and Double Bass calls my dad
and his wife by their first names. When we have kids, I'll
probably go the route of my parents - calling myself Momma or
saying "Where's Daddy?" "There's Granddad!" to my kids, but when
talking about each other, saying, "Your father" or, if talking
about extended family "Your grandfather" "Your grandmother."
Yeah, we got...weirdly formal at times.
#Post#: 39725--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: whiterose Date: October 2, 2019, 4:05 pm
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I call mine by their first names. Same as I did before marrying
my DH.
I sometimes may refer to them with the nicknames their
granddaughters (DH's nieces) use for them- but that is unusual.
Especially since the nickname they use for my MIL also happened
to be my childhood nickname!!!
#Post#: 39737--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Chez Miriam Date: October 3, 2019, 3:28 am
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[quote author=violinp link=topic=1266.msg39711#msg39711
date=1570043515]
This...kinda gets complicated with my family and Double Bass'
family.
Double Bass' mom's husband is Double Bass' father legally - he
adopted him when Double Bass was 9. Obviously, he calls them
both Mom and Dad. If he ever has to refer to his mom's husband
before my FIL, he calls him by his first name, and he almost
never refers to his biological father, and never has by name in
my presence (Biofather abandoned him and MIL because he was born
sickly and 3 months premature).
My mom passed away 5 years ago, and Double Bass never met her.
My dad married a woman this year, and Wendy, his wife, is a year
younger than I am. So, there's no way I'm calling her Mom, never
mind Double Bass.
I call my PIL by their first names, and Double Bass calls my dad
and his wife by their first names. When we have kids, I'll
probably go the route of my parents - calling myself Momma or
saying "Where's Daddy?" "There's Granddad!" to my kids, but when
talking about each other, saying, "Your father" or, if talking
about extended family "Your grandfather" "Your grandmother."
Yeah, we got...weirdly formal at times.
[/quote]
"Weirdly formal" is how almost all the females on the distaff
side of my family refer to each other: "my cousin, or my other
cousin", "my aunt", "your mother". As I'm the only one with two
female cousins, I'm the one referring to "my cousin" and "my
other cousin". Everyone knows whom is meant, so it 'weirdly'
works. ;D
I know when "my cousin" is not talking to her mum, as she goes
from "my mum" to "your aunt"!
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