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#Post#: 36714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Jem Date: August 15, 2019, 2:18 pm
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[quote author=Soop link=topic=1266.msg36684#msg36684
date=1565872060]
Like some others here, I call my MIL by her first name. she's
not my Mom, so I'm not going to call her that. Same with my
parents and DH.
But when thinking about it more, I realized that it so rarely
comes up that I call her by anything at all. If I am referring
to her in conversation with someone unrelated, I say 'DH's mom',
when I'm talking with DH or his sisters, it's 'your mom'. When
I'm with MIL, I don't really call her by anything, cause she's
right there.
[/quote]
This is pretty close to my experience also. I have always called
my parents "Mama" and "Daddy" when talking to them, or when
talking about them with my siblings. But aside from that I refer
to them as "my mom and dad." My daughter refers to me as "Mama"
when she is addressing me, but refers to me as "my mom" when
talking about me. Same with her dad - he is "Daddy" when she is
talking to him, but "my dad" when talking about him.
I go out of my way to not have to come up with a way to refer to
my in laws by name in their presence - I just talk to them
directly I guess? I certainly would not feel comfortable calling
them Mom or Dad.
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
#Post#: 36774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: oogyda Date: August 16, 2019, 12:59 pm
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OOOPS. There's rules. ::)
#Post#: 36808--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: LifeOnPluto Date: August 17, 2019, 1:39 am
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=1266.msg36714#msg36714
date=1565896682]
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
[/quote]
I read somewhere that when spouses start calling each other
"mom" and "dad", it's a clear sign the romance has left the
relationship!
#Post#: 36809--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Jem Date: August 17, 2019, 2:26 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1266.msg36808#msg36808
date=1566023963]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1266.msg36714#msg36714
date=1565896682]
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
[/quote]
I read somewhere that when spouses start calling each other
"mom" and "dad", it's a clear sign the romance has left the
relationship!
[/quote]
Hah! I wouldn’t say that is the case for us. I think my DH just
thinks it is funny while I don’t!
#Post#: 36836--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Bada Date: August 17, 2019, 10:27 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1266.msg36808#msg36808
date=1566023963]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1266.msg36714#msg36714
date=1565896682]
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
[/quote]
I read somewhere that when spouses start calling each other
"mom" and "dad", it's a clear sign the romance has left the
relationship!
[/quote]
It's pretty much a necessity at the mimicry stage of
childraising, though. The child calls the parent what you do. If
you call them by their first name, so will the kids.
However, I'm on a committee chaired by a married couple whose
youngest kid is rather old (and is not present at the meeting).
The husband calls the wife "Mom" at the meetings and it squicks
me out.
#Post#: 36843--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: iolaus Date: August 17, 2019, 12:19 pm
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[quote author=gmatoy link=topic=1266.msg36358#msg36358
date=1565408495]
Vorfemme, I have never known anyone, other than me, who had a
mother and a MIL with the same name! How amazing!
[/quote]
My grandmother may have you beat - not only did she marry a man
with the same Surname as her - both their mothers had the same
first name. So her mother and her mother in law both had the
exact same name
My dad and my husband's biological father both have the same
first name - but his father goes by a completely different name
(part of his half brothers' surname)
To the original question I think it's completely up to you and
what you feel comfortable with
I'm not sure what my mum called my dad's mother (she died when I
was 7 or 8 and I never remember hearing her call her another
other than 'your gran'), I call my in laws by their first names,
DH calls my parents by their first names - however my dad did
call my mother's parents mum and dad - but in all honesty as he
was best friend's with her brother I'm not even sure if he did
that before they got together - but he called his own mother Mom
#Post#: 36849--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: VorFemme Date: August 17, 2019, 5:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My brother is a junior, so he and Dad had the same name (Dad is
no deceased, so brother could drop the junior, if he chooses
to). His second wife had a father & brother who also had the
same first name (another senior & junior pair) - so four
relatives by marriage with different names only for the women in
the family...her name was the same as another of my
Sisters-in-law - and both last names started with the same
initial - so it got confusing referring to her, her father, or
her brother...
One of Mom's cousins (from West Texas) married a man with the
same, common last name (related to an ancestor's job - so
something like "farmer" - not as common as "smith" but not so
unusual that you had to be close relatives to have the same last
name). The birth of their first child caused all kinds of
issues, as the nurse filling out the paperwork apparently
decided that they were too closely related to be married - never
mind that none of his parents, grandparents, or
great-grandparents were from the same state - if they were
possibly related, it was great-great-great grandparents "in the
auld country" or some such thing - not at all a genetic risk to
the infant. But to hear the story, I got the impression that
the nurse was sure she had found a case of half-siblings getting
married or some such scandal.
#Post#: 36860--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: TootsNYC Date: August 17, 2019, 8:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Bada link=topic=1266.msg36836#msg36836
date=1566055652]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1266.msg36808#msg36808
date=1566023963]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1266.msg36714#msg36714
date=1565896682]
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
[/quote]
I read somewhere that when spouses start calling each other
"mom" and "dad", it's a clear sign the romance has left the
relationship!
[/quote]
It's pretty much a necessity at the mimicry stage of
childraising, though. The child calls the parent what you do. If
you call them by their first name, so will the kids.
However, I'm on a committee chaired by a married couple whose
youngest kid is rather old (and is not present at the meeting).
The husband calls the wife "Mom" at the meetings and it squicks
me out.
[/quote]
I agree, I think during child-rearing stage, it's not uncommon
to refer to someone with their title when they are playing that
role.
Kid: can I have a cookie?
Me: Ask Dad when dinner will be ready.
Or,
me: Hey, Dad, where are Junior's jamamas?
But when I'm elsewhere, I would never use it. It would bother me
to hear someone use it when their role is absolutely not in
play.
I call my MIL "Noni," but now that my kids are growing up and
are not there when I'm there all the time, it feels weird, and
I'm going to go back to calling them by their names.
#Post#: 36884--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: AnnNottingham Date: August 18, 2019, 1:02 pm
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This is an interesting discussion.
When I married DH, his parents wanted me to call them "Mom" and
"Dad"-particularly his mother. But that was really
uncomfortable because my mother had passed less than a year
before I met DH. I'd had a Mom, and my Dad was still alive. DH
sat down with her and explained that. From then on, I addressed
them by their first names.
I hadn't thought of what I want (future) grandchildren to call
me. DD calls me "Momma", and her friends call me "Momma
FirstName". DS calls me "Momers". My future DIL and SIL could
call me FirstName; as for any children, "Momma FirstName" works.
#Post#: 36945--------------------------------------------------
Re: Agreeing on what to call your inlaws
By: Hmmm Date: August 19, 2019, 8:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Bada link=topic=1266.msg36836#msg36836
date=1566055652]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1266.msg36808#msg36808
date=1566023963]
[quote author=Jem link=topic=1266.msg36714#msg36714
date=1565896682]
My DH sometimes calls me "Mom" and it irritates me to no end.
First, I am not his Mom, and second, my actual child does not
call me "Mom" nor have I ever called my own mother "Mom!"
[/quote]
I read somewhere that when spouses start calling each other
"mom" and "dad", it's a clear sign the romance has left the
relationship!
[/quote]
It's pretty much a necessity at the mimicry stage of
childraising, though. The child calls the parent what you do. If
you call them by their first name, so will the kids.
However, I'm on a committee chaired by a married couple whose
youngest kid is rather old (and is not present at the meeting).
The husband calls the wife "Mom" at the meetings and it squicks
me out.
[/quote]
I disagree with that. My husband never addressed me as Mom nor I
him as Dad or any other term while my children were young. We
would refer to each other as "mom" or "dad" as in "there's your
mom" when playing pickaboo or "let's see if Daddy is ready for
dinner". But neither of my children tried to refer to me with my
first name.
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