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#Post#: 35516--------------------------------------------------
Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: LadyRexall
Date: July 29, 2019, 5:03 pm
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This is a really low stakes question but I need quick answers
from you lovelies as it’s happening In two hours.
Bg: hubby and I host a weekly game night. Us, another couple and
a single guy who is the leader. Couple group texted us yesterday
to cancel because they were surprised with out of province
family flying in for a visit. Usually I’d be a bit bummed but I
wasn’t. In fact, I breathed a sigh of relief. End bg.
So, single guy texted us asking whether we wanted to cancel or
if we wanted him to come over and teach us to be leaders. We
host a second group where hubby is leader but he’d love pointers
as he’s so new. Hubby has inferred (and privately and publicly
pushed me) to be a leader at one point as I’m a pretty good
writer and leader writes a story for players to play out. I
didn’t see the offer but hubby did and jumped to say yes. I have
no desire to lead. It would cause me anxiety and I don’t want to
hate the game because of leader anxiety. I’m never ever in a
million years going to lead.
Etiquette: usually if One half of a couple invites someone over,
it’s polite for the other to also host that person and take
part. Here’s the thing: just today I realized that I had
breathed that sigh of relief because I’ve been overly anxious
lately and do not want to people. I have to people twice more
this week and I am over people-ing right now. How can I excuse
myself and do my own thing without being rude? Would it be rude
if I thought of this as a tutoring session in a subject I don’t
need tutoring in? I really don’t fit this into a social
category. The set up of my main floor is open, so if I’m in the
living room and they’re in the dining room, they can still see
me. Does that make it ruder for me to stay in the living room
playing xbox/watching tv?
Thanks so much in advance you lovely people!!
#Post#: 35519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: July 29, 2019, 5:47 pm
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Dear Lady Rexall,
You sound really stressed out about this. We’re talking about a
game. It isn’t your financial future at stake or even your
social life. Relax and do what you want to do.
If your husband wants to host this guy and learn a bit more
about leading a game, it’s fine for him to do so but you don’t
have to provide food and drink for this meeting or even be
there.
Is there any reason why your husband can’t meet this person at
your friend’s home or in a place where he and your husband can
talk without you?
People marry and they are a couple but that doesn’t mean they’re
joined at the hip and each partner must do whatever the other
partner wants.
You are your own person and, if you don’t wish to participate in
this meeting, you have a perfect right not to do so.
#Post#: 35522--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: Bada
Date: July 29, 2019, 5:54 pm
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I think you'd be OK if you sent a message ahead of time
clarifying to Man that your husband is interested and that
you're going to bow out for today (if it's not too late). That
would allow him to not come if he was hoping for a bigger
audience than just your husband.
I, personally, wouldn't stay where I was visible if I was bowing
out in a situation like this. I would hide in the
bedroom/upstairs where the man won't know that you declined his
kind offer just to watch TV. Because if I was him, I would be a
little miffed at what looks like you're passing up his help to
watch TV (since he doesn't know the background you've given us,
that's what it will look like).
#Post#: 35524--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: LadyRexall
Date: July 29, 2019, 6:42 pm
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Thanks for your replies. Single guy has actually cancelled as
he’s had a crazy day. My anxiety said he saw this post lol, but
even if he did, it’s ok. I didn’t say anything bad about him. I
just said I’d like to not people. I think I need to go see a dr
and get this anxiety under control as I am just a little ball of
stress lately. Thanks again!
#Post#: 35525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: silversurfer
Date: July 29, 2019, 7:28 pm
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I know your low stakes hosting question has been solved Lady
Rexall, but I'd like to offer my own perspective as well.
My husband and I had a group of friends over for games every
week. I would play probably half the time they came over.
Sometimes I would make the call to play or not on the night
(depending on what game they decided to play) and sometimes I
would tell my husband if I didn't want to play the day of.
We also have open plan and sometimes I would use the time to
catch up on work or watch shows on the ipad (with headphones).
Sometime I would sit with them and chat but not play.
What I am trying to say is its fine for people to come over and
engage with one person in the family. This doesn't mean the
other person has to pretend they don't exist.
#Post#: 35542--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: July 29, 2019, 11:20 pm
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--- Quote from: silversurfer link ---
>
> I know your low stakes hosting question has been solved Lady
Rexall, but I'd like to offer my own perspective as well.
>
> My husband and I had a group of friends over for games every
week. I would play probably half the time they came over.
Sometimes I would make the call to play or not on the night
(depending on what game they decided to play) and sometimes I
would tell my husband if I didn't want to play the day of.
>
> We also have open plan and sometimes I would use the time to
catch up on work or watch shows on the ipad (with headphones).
Sometime I would sit with them and chat but not play.
>
> What I am trying to say is its fine for people to come over
and engage with one person in the family. This doesn't mean the
other person has to pretend they don't exist.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with all above, and I am glad it worked out for you but
I will also say that I have headed out to the library, or a
coffee shop with a book or computer.
#Post#: 35545--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: July 30, 2019, 7:33 am
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I, too, know the problem is solved, but wanted to give some
thoughts for the future. I am the Single Guy (err... Lady). ;D
I often socialize at the homes of couples. Typically, there is
one person who I am closer to, although sometimes I feel equally
close to both parts. I take no offense if half the couple does
his/her own thing. One husband is often at his computer playing
games or doing work with head phones on and sometimes he is at
the table playing a board game with us. Another husband is
sometimes in the bedroom studying for school and sometimes he is
drinking wine and sharing his wisdom of the world. One wife
describes herself as introverted and is often in her garden
working, but sometimes she will join us for a chat or movie. And
the husband of the same couple will sometimes disappear and I
find myself chatting alone with the wife. I need no advance
warning as to whether or not the spouse will be joining us, I am
happy either way. My guess is that Single Guy or really anyone
who your husband sets plans with would feel the same way.
#Post#: 35564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: bopper
Date: July 30, 2019, 9:56 am
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If he had come I might have said "Since you are going to talk
about leading and I am not planning to be a leader, I will let
you two use the Living Room. I will be in the kitchen."
#Post#: 35587--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: lowspark
Date: July 30, 2019, 1:24 pm
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> If he had come I might have said "Since you are going to talk
about leading and I am not planning to be a leader, I will let
you two use the Living Room. I will be in the kitchen."
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah. Something like this is what I would do as well.
Maybe greet him when he arrives. Have a two-minute 'What's new?'
conversation. Offer a drink or snack or whatever might be
appropriate. And then excuse yourself.
"I'll leave you two to your conference. I'll be in the other
room binge watching Gilligan's Island. Have fun!"
#Post#: 35657--------------------------------------------------
Re: Low stakes hosting question, quick answers needed
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: July 31, 2019, 7:48 am
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I'm glad it was sorted out satisfactorily.
I do think it worth having the conversation with your husband in
case such a thing ever happens again; that way he can say to the
leader: "do come over and teach me; Lady Rexall really doesn't
want to be a leader, so it will just be me. Is that OK with
you?" - then the leader is prepared, and you are already
excluded from plans.
You can always chat/snack with them if you feel like it, and if
not it doesn't feel like you are shunning/ignoring a guest.
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