DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 34532--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Hanna Date: July 15, 2019, 5:46 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think her taking issue with the nuts thing is ridiculous. She
should have had refreshments there for the volunteers if she was
going to be a control freak. There’s no guarantee at any time
in public that someone we have to deal with hasn’t been eating
nuts. ::)
Also guilting you into donating since you didn’t test drive. You
should have told her to make up the difference herself.
The Facebook post.. well, she has a right but it really does
sound like she’s just going to be mad no matter what you do.
#Post#: 34534--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: NewHomeowner Date: July 15, 2019, 6:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Well, I'll just dogpile on here. I'm on your side for nearly
everything. (Yeah, I don't like pictures of me posted anywhere
without permission, and you figured that out already). But
about the nuts. What the actual heck??? I'm also a diabetic
(25 years now), and nuts are the perfect snack for carrying!
Your sister was just being a butthead. You can do anything you
want. You're a grown-up. NEVER let anyone talk you into doing
something you don't want to do, especially when it comes to
money!
Remember, we all learned it here: NO is a complete sentence.
#Post#: 34537--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Chez Miriam Date: July 15, 2019, 7:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm another one who says "you've reached the time to find a new
cause to help"!
Volunteering for another organisation will also give you a 'get
out'* if you need one for your family charity.
I'm calling it that, because any charity set up by family to
honour family/prevent similar tragedies is a 'family charity' in
many/most people's books; it is not weird/odd for such an
organisation to be run entirely by surviving family members; the
fact that you have been replaced as PR because of not wanting it
to be 'too much a family' thing is a load of rubbish. It may be
that you weren't great at PR [and so needed replacing], but it
sounds more like B is a control freak, and you weren't doing it
as she would have done.
I hope you find a cause that appreciates you, and where you get
to feel part of the organisation.
And gratuitous {{hugs}}, because I know what it's like to be the
one person who family is allowed to criticise [with or without
cause], and that sucks.
* "So sorry I can't do X, I'm busy doing/prepping for/planning Y
for my current cause."
#Post#: 34543--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: katiekat2009 Date: July 15, 2019, 8:21 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like this sister's problems with you go beyond just the
charity. Sometimes, that is just the dynamics in the family.
Consider other ways to earn money and donate it to your late
sister's charity. If your family insists on your participation
with them, then it is time for a "come to Jesus" meeting about
how you are treated. My condolences on your loss.
#Post#: 34546--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Bada Date: July 15, 2019, 9:08 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=prock929 link=topic=1228.msg34528#msg34528
date=1563175418]
OP here
Yeah, I get it. I was a complete idiot to do those things. (In
my defense over the nut issue, I was trying to think of
something that wasn’t too high in carbs that could sit out
unrefrigerated for several hours). And I’ll never post anything
without permission again. And B was perfectly fine with making
me feel like s***.
[/quote]
I think you're being far harsher on yourself than anyone here
has been. No one has gone even close to calling you a "complete
idiot"! But you did ask if you made some missteps. People
suggested you may have, but have also overwhelmingly said they
wouldn't stick around if they were being treated the way you are
because that's not how a person should react to the minor
missteps you made.
#Post#: 34550--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: TootsNYC Date: July 15, 2019, 9:33 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=prock929 link=topic=1228.msg34528#msg34528
date=1563175418]
OP here
Yeah, I get it. I was a complete idiot to do those things. (In
my defense over the nut issue, I was trying to think of
something that wasn’t too high in carbs that could sit out
unrefrigerated for several hours). And I’ll never post anything
without permission again. And B was perfectly fine with making
me feel like s***.
[/quote]
This is why I think you should fade out. You don't have to make
it a thing; just fade.
I sometimes want to say to my big brother, "How about if you
treat me the way you treat people you don't even know? Let's
just pretend we've never met before, and you can be polite to me
the way you're polite to the other person in line at the 7/11."
Because to be honest--that's the way I treat him.
If you'd been any other volunteer, she'd have brought up the
nuts thing nicely.
I suppose be prepared for lots of guilt, since the charity
honors your late sister, but just be Teflon--"Sorry, I'm busy
that day, gotta get off the phone."
#Post#: 34555--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Aleko Date: July 15, 2019, 12:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Whyever your sisters did what they did, and even if they are
totally convinced it was the right thing to do, they will still
feel guilty as well as worried how you will respond, and it's
inevitable that the sight of you still volunteering in the
charity will stress the h*** out of them, and angry unreasonable
behaviour is exactly what one would expect to get from stressed
people. Unless you plan to fight their action in pushing you off
the board and out of the PR job, much the best thing is simply
to withdraw from the whole charity. Less aggravation and
unhappiness for everyone.
#Post#: 34559--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Chez Miriam Date: July 15, 2019, 1:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1228.msg34550#msg34550
date=1563201182]
[quote author=prock929 link=topic=1228.msg34528#msg34528
date=1563175418]
OP here
Yeah, I get it. I was a complete idiot to do those things. (In
my defense over the nut issue, I was trying to think of
something that wasn’t too high in carbs that could sit out
unrefrigerated for several hours). And I’ll never post anything
without permission again. And B was perfectly fine with making
me feel like s***.
[/quote]
This is why I think you should fade out. You don't have to make
it a thing; just fade.
I sometimes want to say to my big brother, "How about if you
treat me the way you treat people you don't even know? Let's
just pretend we've never met before, and you can be polite to me
the way you're polite to the other person in line at the 7/11."
Because to be honest--that's the way I treat him.
If you'd been any other volunteer, she'd have brought up the
nuts thing nicely.
I suppose be prepared for lots of guilt, since the charity
honors your late sister, but just be Teflon--"Sorry, I'm busy
that day, gotta get off the phone."
[/quote]
I have said to my mother: "why can't you be as nice to me as you
would be to a stranger?" - I'm not sure it made a difference to
her treatment of me, but having had to repeat it a few times it
has given me the illusion that I'm standing up for myself, so I
think you could say: "do you treat all the volunteers this
rudely? Or is it just me that gets singled out for this cr@p?".
Don't expect it to make the situation any better, though; but it
might help you to feel better about the situation.
#Post#: 34570--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: Sycorax Date: July 15, 2019, 2:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It kinda sounds like you and your sisters are at BEC-level
(bitch eating crackers) with each other. Stepping away from
involvement with each other would probably help a lot.
#Post#: 34573--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've just about had it.
By: bopper Date: July 15, 2019, 2:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I think I would back away.
If they ask you to help out in the future, I would say "I am not
available to help out in person...but I am happy to share links
to my friends about the event."
"Don't you love your sister?"
"You have a clear vision on how this charity is to work and I
wish you the best."
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page