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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 34341--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: bopper
Date: July 11, 2019, 2:01 pm
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1) B is entitled to interact with her family how she wants
2) Did B say "she has two nieces she's never even met." or did
your Mom say that?
3) Your mother is triangulating the relationship. No need for
that.
4) Nothing wrong with saying "Mom, I have no problem with B
meeting the girls. But, I would like to hear that directly from
her. Either she can come here or I could take the girls out to
see her (OR whatever it is the OP wants).
I am suspecting your mom is the one orchestrating this.
If you are interested, you could text B and say "Mom says you
wanted to meet the girls. If so, let me know what days are good
and we can set something up."
If you don't really care, then just tell your mom that you would
like to hear from B to set something up.
#Post#: 34344--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: doodlemor
Date: July 11, 2019, 2:18 pm
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Apparently, B has flown in for about a month to visit. She told
mom that she wants to come because "she has two nieces she's
never even met."
Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps your mother made this up to promote
family unity. Cynical me thinks that you should take this with
a grain of salt.
Your mom's plan sounds bizarre. Is she in general a difficult
person?
In any event, the obvious answer is No to your mother. Invite
sister to your home in such a way that the shenanigans she will
pull won't be too much of an inconvenience.
#Post#: 34353--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 11, 2019, 4:42 pm
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--- Quote from: doodlemor link ---
>
> Apparently, B has flown in for about a month to visit. She
told mom that she wants to come because "she has two nieces
she's never even met."
>
> Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps your mother made this up to promote
family unity. Cynical me thinks that you should take this with
a grain of salt.
>
> Your mom's plan sounds bizarre.
>
--- End Quote ---
It really is bizarre. B sounds like a last minute type person
who isn't interested in connecting with family or people in
general. And that's ok and you seem ok with it. You even mention
the last get together was fostered by your mother.
And now this. Why didn't your mom just ask you over for lunch
while B is there visiting? Why take the children without you? If
B isn't interested in see you (or other family members), why on
earth would she be interested in meeting your children?
I suspect this is your mom fantasizing about family. I can just
imagine your mom asking B "Wouldn't you love to see your nieces
who you've never met?" and B answers "Uh. Sure. Whatever." and
your mom ran with it.
#Post#: 34359--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: July 11, 2019, 6:12 pm
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From the original post: "Apparently, B has flown in for about a
month to visit. "
Doesn't this strike anyone else as strange? Here is a person
who seems to want as little as possible to do with most if not
all of her family now coming for a month long visit?
Something is up. I'd be wary.
#Post#: 34362--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: July 11, 2019, 6:43 pm
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--- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
>
> From the original post: "Apparently, B has flown in for about
a month to visit. "
>
> Doesn't this strike anyone else as strange? Here is a person
who seems to want as little as possible to do with most if not
all of her family now coming for a month long visit?
>
> Something is up. I'd be wary.
>
--- End Quote ---
I dunno. My first thought was that B admitted that she will be
in the area for about a month, but what will that really
translate into? One afternoon at Starbucks, and B takes off
after less than an hour. To me, it sounds like Mom is trying to
create a family moment, but I doubt B will sit still long enough
for it to happen.
#Post#: 34377--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: Aleko
Date: July 12, 2019, 2:20 am
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--- Quote ---
> it sounds like Mom is trying to crate a family moment, but I
doubt B will sit still long enough for it to happen
--- End Quote ---
- which is another very good reason not to hand over your kids
to her while she chases around trying to get them and a
possibly-quite-indifferent B in the same room for half an hour.
That sounds as though it would be baffling, boring and stressful
for them, all at once.
#Post#: 34379--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: July 12, 2019, 2:57 am
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I’m trying to wrap my head around why your mother thinks it
would be a good idea to take a baby and a toddler to visit a
total stranger without their mother. Sounds like a recipe for
disaster to me.
If your sister really wants to meet your children, she can pick
up her phone and cal you herself. Her fingers aren’t broken.
#Post#: 34384--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: July 12, 2019, 5:37 am
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--- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
>
> From the original post: "Apparently, B has flown in for about
a month to visit. "
>
> Doesn't this strike anyone else as strange? Here is a person
who seems to want as little as possible to do with most if not
all of her family now coming for a month long visit?
>
> Something is up. I'd be wary.
>
--- End Quote ---
I'm not sure: my own family is weird and contrary enough that I
could imagine this happening without anything sinister going on,
or any ulterior motive.
But good point: now I want to know. ::)
#Post#: 34403--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: Girlie
Date: July 12, 2019, 9:27 am
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So - to answer a few questions -
Once in a while, B does this. She's been out of our home state
for almost two decades, and about once every 3-6 years, she'll
visit for about a month or so. She usually does not spend a
great deal of time with family, preferring the company of old
college friends(?). Not sure how much she sees any of them,
either, but that's what we've always been told.
No, B does not seem to form strong connections with anyone, and
while it did bother me when I was younger, I've come to terms
with it as being MY problem if I have an issue with it. I
decided a long time ago to let people be people, and that
includes B. How she lives her life in general is really none of
my business, though of course, I wish her well and want only the
very best for her.
I truly believe that B SAID that she's coming home partly
because she's got two nieces she's never met. I just lean more
on the side of those being WORDS rather than actual INTENTIONS.
My mom has never, in my life, tried to broker peace between us
kids (which makes this request even more unusual, IMO. My mom is
many things, but she has no illusions about having a perfect or
tight-knit family).
I appreciate the support in regards to my saying no. I do think
my mother was out-of-line. I also think she was a little
confused and a little hurt when I told her "no," which is why I
wanted to seek the opinions of my wise, neutral, third-party
friends here.
#Post#: 34417--------------------------------------------------
Re: Can I Get an "All-Clear?"
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: July 12, 2019, 12:59 pm
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If they were elementary school aged or older, I wouldn't have a
problem with letting them go. I wouldn't think it was wrong to
want them not to go without you, though.
But really little kids like that? They come with their Mom or
Dad. Or she can come visit you.
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