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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 34258--------------------------------------------------
In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: July 10, 2019, 2:24 pm
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Background: I have been with my hairstylist for a long time. The
first time I met her, she was pregnant with her son, who just
turned 17. So, a long time. I like Darlene a lot as a person,
and she does do a very good haircut (that's all I ever have
done). Plus, I try to be an easy customer: she has even told me
that my appointments are a good way for her to wind down,
because I take 30 minutes at the most, and no drama.
But the last few years have been a little hectic for Darlene.
Her husband has had some trouble holding down a job (he has both
physical ailments and at least one bipolar episode that required
hospitalization). Darlene's 95 year old grandfather lived with
them for the past 10 years, and died earlier this year after
deteriorating quickly this spring. Darlene's son had a tumor in
his upper left arm which had to be surgically removed. And this
is just a sampling! The last time she cut my hair in May, she
said she would call me within a few weeks to set up my next
appointment. This was very unusual - she always sets the next
appointment at the end of the last one. However, I figured she
had a lot on her mind what with her son still recovering from
his surgery.
Also, these last 6 months, I have never had my appointment as
originally set. I would get a call either the day before or the
day of that she needed to reschedule me (she had a migraine, her
son's arm was popping stitches, her husband had fallen asleep
driving and had a minor accident, etc.).
End BG
Now, Darlene is not blowing me off. She and her family just are
not the healthiest, I truly believe that. But it has become a
joke for my sister that something is going to happen to
reschedule my appointment. And I take full responsibility! If I
had been even just a little firm and pushed back, this would not
have gone on as long as it has.
So, I had no appointment, and it was only last week that I
realized my hair was starting to look shaggy, and it has been
more than 9 weeks (I tend to go 6 or 7 weeks between cuts).
Darlene and I are Facebook friends, and so on the weekend, I
went onto her FB page to send her a message that I needed to
schedule an appointment. That's when I saw the post that she
needed prayers (a not unusual post from her) because she needed
blood transfusions. Then on Monday, her husband logged onto her
FB page and reported that Darlene had just been diagnosed with
Congestive Heart Failure (at 40!), double pneumonia, and anemia
so bad that that was why she was getting transfusions.
To my utter shame, my first thought was, "What about my hair?"
Eventually, I ended asking my sister where she got her hair
done. Since I wasn't sure what her diagnosis meant in terms of
her working, I decided to find another place.
I just got home from my sister's salon, with a very good haircut
that I am very happy with, and I have set up another appointment
for 7 weeks from today. I logged onto FB to see that Darlene had
posted that she was back at work today, hoping to make it
through the day.
Oh, boy. My quandry is that my first reaction is I don't want to
go back to Darlene, and I feel so guilty. But the new place is
so drama free, and there are no health crises, and it is a great
haircut at the same price (maybe 5 minutes longer to get to).
Darlene is a sweet person, but I feel wrung out. How do I let
her know?
#Post#: 34260--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: July 10, 2019, 2:36 pm
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Pierrotlunaire0, I think you could "temporarily" 'ease Darlene's
burden' and get your haircut elsewhere...
I.e. Should Darlene contact you to schedule an appointment
say/text/FB/PM her "I know you're really under the pump at the
moment, and I needed to get a haircut whilst you were really
ill, so I went to my sister's salon, which I'm likely to do
whilst you are struggling to keep appointments. I hope your
back to full health soon. All my best wishes, PL0". Don't
forget: bean dip is your friend!
You needed a cut, you got a cut, you didn't blow her off
[because she never made that appointment you needed], you
shouldn't feel any guilt, and it is/could be a kindness by being
'one fewer thing' for her to juggle.
{{Hugs}}, because knowing you're not guilty is not the same as
not feeling guilty is it?
I'm guessing her life is hectic enough that it may be a few
months before she thinks "Oh, I wonder what happened to PL0?"
That gives you some grace period. And the longer you've been
going to the other hairdresser, the easier it becomes to go to
the other hairdresser.
Who knows? Her life may become easier, and you go back to
getting her to cut your hair. I wouldn't hold your breath,
though.
#Post#: 34261--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 10, 2019, 3:09 pm
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I don't think you need to say anything unless she bring it up.
Your hair is probably the last thing on her mind unless she
needs the money. Just send her good wishes (if you want) without
mentioning business.
#Post#: 34284--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: Raintree
Date: July 10, 2019, 10:53 pm
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I think Darlene is very unwise to post about how hard it is to
get through her work day when she has clients as friends on FB.
My hairstylist is a FB friend of mine too, and I've been getting
my hair cut by her for longer than that, but I've never seen her
post about her work. (It's possible she makes use of the FB
lists feature so that her clients won't see her woes on FB).
I don't think you need to feel any guilt. Just carry on as
normal.
#Post#: 34299--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: July 11, 2019, 7:37 am
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I think you continue with the new place for as long as you want.
You can reevaluate the situation with each cut. Is the new place
still doing a great job? Is it still convenient? Is the process
still drama free? What does Darlene's life look like? If at any
point you want to return to Darlene, then go for it, but if you
continue to be happy with this new place, then I think that is
fine.
My heart breaks for Darlene and I do hope that life stops
throwing her curve balls, but it's ok that she may need to focus
on her personal life... even if that means that some clients may
move on. I would tell her to not worry about work and that when
she is back on solid ground, the clients may return or she can
go back to building a following. But none of this is your
responsibility.
I would not say anything to Darlene. If she reaches out to you,
you can explain that you have gone else where and that if you
need her services, you will be sure to be in touch. But I agree
that your hair is not on the top of her list right now (as it
shouldn't be) and it's ok that it IS on the top of yours!
I struggle with getting a haircut that I like (it must be me!)
This results in me staying with someone for a period of time and
then hopping to someone else. There is tremendous guilt for
doing this. I think that the personal contact that a hair cut
brings causes us to blur the lines between this being a business
transaction and a personal one. But I know that this site would
remind me that it is business. It is ok to be concerned about
Darlene's personal life, but to still take your business
elsewhere.
#Post#: 34333--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: malfoyfan13
Date: July 11, 2019, 12:49 pm
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I've changed haircutters twice in the last few years. One was
because of her political views, which she aired extensively on
FB and I found very offensive, another because of high price and
my inability to afford her. I didn't feel guilty either time.
It's a business transaction. Both women are good at their job
and if things were different I'd probably still be going to the
second one, mostly because the one with the offensive views is
30 min. away from me and this one is 5 min. away. But...I asked
around for a recommendation to a less expensive local
alternative, found one and I'm very happy with her.
Darlene has a lot going on in her life and I think you are
entirely fine with going elsewhere. Like I said, it's a business
transaction. You need a service and you found a way to get it
on a consistent basis. You can always go back to Darlene in the
future if things get to a place where she's more available.
#Post#: 34338--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: bopper
Date: July 11, 2019, 1:48 pm
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I wouldn't say anything to Darlene at the moment. Let her
recover.
See if she gets back to working on a regular basis and then
consider going back (or not).
#Post#: 34385--------------------------------------------------
Re: In a Quandry, and Not Sure What to do
DIR By: Effie
Date: July 12, 2019, 6:05 am
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The last time you saw her, she said she would contact you. And
so far, she hasn't.
In your shoes, I would do nothing unless she calls. If she
calls, you tell her the truth: she was ill, you needed a cut,
you got one and you're happy with the new place.
But so far, no need to do anything.
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