DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 33569--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: June 27, 2019, 6:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> I recently joined a newly formed crafting group; there are 7
or 8 of us, all women over 40. I've been to two meetings and
noticed that two of the women are "monologue" style
conversationalists - they tend to start talking and just don't
stop for perhaps 20 minutes, on whatever tangent they take off
of the original conversation. One of the women complains
endlessly, the other brags endlessly. At the last meeting we
were talking about some aspect of our craft and both (one after
the other) launched into their monologues. Eventually we moved
on to other topics, but I found it really annoying. I don't
know how the other group members felt but they kind of looked
the way I felt, like they didn't know what to do either.
--- End Quote ---
I'm trying to picture how this group works. Are you all sitting
around somewhere, working on your knitting (or whatever the
craft is) and having a discussion at the same time, or are you
sitting there with someone running the group and bringing up a
topic for everyone to discuss? In the first instance, it seems
like it would be fairly easy to sit next to another crafter and
talk about your respective projects. In the second instance,
after one or two minutes of Sally talking about how the world
doesn't appreciate her, the group leader could break in and
say,"Sally, that's interesting, but not the topic we're
discussing, so we need to bring this back to the original topic
of left-handed needle sharpeners - Barbara, can you explain the
way you use yours?"
My time is valuable, and if these two women are monologing about
non-relevant things or preventing others from speaking, I
wouldn't want to waste my time listening to them.
#Post#: 33576--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: Raintree
Date: June 28, 2019, 2:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Ugh, that doesn't sound very enjoyable. I work with a
monologuer. I've learned to engage her as little as possible and
not share too much about my life, because then questions will
start and then a rant about a related topic. Then if you break
in at all and say, "that's great, well I have to do this now"
she will get all apologetic and start saying "Oh, sorry, I talk
too much." And then be all insecure about it. It's exhausting.
Also, what do I say to that? "Yes, you do." I'd never say that.
I'm stuck with her in my work life, so if I had someone like
that in my personal life as well I would probably avoid them.
#Post#: 33578--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: syfygeek
Date: June 28, 2019, 7:50 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: malfoyfan13 link ---
>
> I recently joined a newly formed crafting group; there are 7
or 8 of us, all women over 40. I've been to two meetings and
noticed that two of the women are "monologue" style
conversationalists - they tend to start talking and just don't
stop for perhaps 20 minutes, on whatever tangent they take off
of the original conversation. One of the women complains
endlessly, the other brags endlessly. At the last meeting we
were talking about some aspect of our craft and both (one after
the other) launched into their monologues. Eventually we moved
on to other topics, but I found it really annoying. I don't
know how the other group members felt but they kind of looked
the way I felt, like they didn't know what to do either.
>
> So my question is, what do you do in this situation? I barely
know these people, so I'm not going to be rude and interrupt
them (even though I want to yell "shut the &^% up!"). Do you
just grin and bear it and wait for them to finish so you can
bean dip? I used to run into people like this when I was
teaching craft classes and as the teacher, I'd gently redirect
them to focus on the task, but I can't do that here. I'm going
to stay with the group to see how it goes for a while, since I
like the other people and it's fun to hang out with people who
do my craft. My husband says to just let them talk, but it
seems rude to me when people act like this.
>
> Any advice would be appreciated.
>
--- End Quote ---
I feel like I know this group, or at least a similar group that
crafts and visits together. But it's not really visiting,
because of the monologues! One of my "monologuers" has no idea
that anyone else wanted to talk, and that everyone isn't waiting
to hear about her latest whatever.
People started having the smaller conversations like NyaChan
suggested. The trick is not to be sitting next to the talker.
Good luck!
#Post#: 33581--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: June 28, 2019, 8:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I hate that. I want to tell them "Set it to music, why don't
ya?" Depending on how big the segue to Chapter 12 of "The Saga"
is, I'd say "Oh my! I thought we were talking about basket
weaving?"
Since this seems to be a newly formed group, it would be good to
break the habit before it sets in too deep. Members could take
turns chairing the meetings. The chair person could set the
tone of the conversation and steer braggy and mopey back towards
the topic.
#Post#: 33590--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: Andi_3k
Date: June 28, 2019, 11:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I hate this type of thing! I've left groups because of it. I
would have left this group the first time I tried to speak and
got shut down. I don't have time for listening to this type of
stuff anymore.
I have an aquaintance of 35 years or so that does this and
I've gotten to the point I just look at her and say "Sue, just
shut up and let other people talk now" -- works til she gets
over the sulks and then someone else tells her something
similar. She has complained about how selfish and rude people
have gotten with her over the years...she is that self absorbed
that she thinks she has an absolute right to talk constantly and
no one should mind. Everyone who I know who knows Sue has a
policy of avoidence first and if we can't avoid her we refuse to
tolerate her.
#Post#: 33592--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: bopper
Date: June 28, 2019, 12:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Maybe you could interrupt..."Hey...you mentioned yarn...Betsy
weren't you just telling me what you thought the best yarn type
for baby blankets?"
Over time you could privately say to the others..."Does Anne
always lecture like that? If you ever want to start another
group where everyone can chat just let me know."
#Post#: 33595--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: malfoyfan13
Date: June 28, 2019, 1:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The group is supposed to be a crafting group, (no leader or
moderator) but what I've noticed with other groups of all women
is that it usually becomes more of a social thing and less of a
craft thing over time. I was hoping for a mix of both social
and crafting because it can be hard to find a congenial group
that likes what I like to do and wants to discuss it and learn
from each other.
I'm going to try some of these suggestions next time and see how
it goes. I'm willing to give it a certain amount of time to get
to know the people and if it doesn't work out, hopefully I'll
find another group to try elsewhere.
#Post#: 33597--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: Victoria
Date: June 28, 2019, 2:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: malfoyfan13 link ---
>
> The group is supposed to be a crafting group, (no leader or
moderator) but what I've noticed with other groups of all women
is that it usually becomes more of a social thing and less of a
craft thing over time. I was hoping for a mix of both social
and crafting because it can be hard to find a congenial group
that likes what I like to do and wants to discuss it and learn
from each other.
>
> I'm going to try some of these suggestions next time and see
how it goes. I'm willing to give it a certain amount of time to
get to know the people and if it doesn't work out, hopefully
I'll find another group to try elsewhere.
>
--- End Quote ---
I'm struggling with this same issue with a church group that has
a specific task we're all working to accomplish. It's not all
women, but we have a serial monologuer and things tend to get
off topic. I think off-topic socializing is just a function of
people becoming familiar with each other, especially with no
moderator. Our group tends to get derailed talking about other
church projects until I drag us back on topic.
#Post#: 33605--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: chigger
Date: June 28, 2019, 5:19 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I have one of these at work, it is so aggravating. He has
actually put his hand over the elevator door, while he traps
you. His topic? How hard he works! Yesterday, on the elevator,
there were 7 of us, and he started with his "Oh I have worked so
hard today, and I told him flat out, everyone here has been
working hard all day". He is now avoiding me.
#Post#: 33615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Monologue conversationalists - what would you do?
DIR By: oogyda
Date: June 28, 2019, 7:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: chigger link ---
>
> I have one of these at work, it is so aggravating. He has
actually put his hand over the elevator door, while he traps
you. His topic? How hard he works! Yesterday, on the elevator,
there were 7 of us, and he started with his "Oh I have worked so
hard today, and I told him flat out, everyone here has been
working hard all day". He is now avoiding me.
>
--- End Quote ---
Lucky you!
*****************************************************
Page 2 of 3
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page