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#Post#: 33390--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: HenrysMom Date: June 24, 2019, 10:57 pm
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I think you should clear this up by simply telling Mary “Mary,
you are invited, Susan is not invited, and we cannot accommodate
her. If Susan does come, she’ll have to stay at a hotel.”
#Post#: 33471--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: GardenGal Date: June 25, 2019, 8:51 pm
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1202.msg33390#msg33390
date=1561435071]
I think you should clear this up by simply telling Mary “Mary,
you are invited, Susan is not invited, and we cannot accommodate
her. If Susan does come, she’ll have to stay at a hotel.”
[/quote]
Yeah, I think you definitely need to have a conversation with
Mary to make sure Susan doesn't just show up on your doorstep,
bf in tow, expecting you to put them up.
#Post#: 33573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: doodlemor Date: June 27, 2019, 10:27 pm
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[quote author=GardenGal link=topic=1202.msg33471#msg33471
date=1561513917]
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1202.msg33390#msg33390
date=1561435071]
I think you should clear this up by simply telling Mary “Mary,
you are invited, Susan is not invited, and we cannot accommodate
her. If Susan does come, she’ll have to stay at a hotel.”
[/quote]
Yeah, I think you definitely need to have a conversation with
Mary to make sure Susan doesn't just show up on your doorstep,
bf in tow, expecting you to put them up.
[/quote]
Absolutely, you need to contact Mary. Otherwise, Susan may call
her last minute and tell her that she changed her mind, and that
she is coming. Susan probably realizes that she isn't invited,
but may be very manipulative in her efforts to be your house
guest. Pushy people like Susan can be very sneaky.
Tell Mary that Susan isn't invited, and ask her to call you and
let you know if she "decides" to come, so that you can call
Susan and tell her that you are only having Mary, this won't
work for you, or whatever.
#Post#: 33617--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: HenrysMom Date: June 28, 2019, 8:21 pm
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[quote author=doodlemor link=topic=1202.msg33573#msg33573
date=1561692478]
[quote author=GardenGal link=topic=1202.msg33471#msg33471
date=1561513917]
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1202.msg33390#msg33390
date=1561435071]
I think you should clear this up by simply telling Mary “Mary,
you are invited, Susan is not invited, and we cannot accommodate
her. If Susan does come, she’ll have to stay at a hotel.”
[/quote]
Yeah, I think you definitely need to have a conversation with
Mary to make sure Susan doesn't just show up on your doorstep,
bf in tow, expecting you to put them up.
[/quote]
Absolutely, you need to contact Mary. Otherwise, Susan may call
her last minute and tell her that she changed her mind, and that
she is coming. Susan probably realizes that she isn't invited,
but may be very manipulative in her efforts to be your house
guest. Pushy people like Susan can be very sneaky.
Tell Mary that Susan isn't invited, and ask her to call you and
let you know if she "decides" to come, so that you can call
Susan and tell her that you are only having Mary, this won't
work for you, or whatever.
[/quote]
I don’t think it’s necessary for OP to ask Mary to have Susan
call her, because OP knows Susan isn’t invited, Mary would know
that Susan isn’t invited, and Susan knows she isn’t invited. OP
can tell Mary to relay the message.
If Susan shows up on the doorstep, OP is well within her rights
not to let Susan in her house.
#Post#: 33627--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: Aleko Date: June 29, 2019, 2:38 am
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[quote]I don't think it's necessary for OP to ask Mary to have
Susan call her[/quote]
Maybe not: but it is necessary for Mary to be quite clear that
if she gets any intimation from Susan that she is planning to
show up, she must not only discourage this idea herself but let
OP know, pronto. Yes, OP can just refuse to let her in if she
shows up on the doorstep: but it will save a whole pile of
stress and drama to stop her showing up in the first place.
[quote]Susan knows she isn't invited.[/quote]
I don't think we can be sure of that, at all. The original
interaction between Mary and her sounds ambiguous enough for her
to have got the idea that she is; and if she's that kind of
person, once that idea is suggested and implanted in her mind,
it may take an unequivocal 'No, I just invited Mary, on her own.
When I'm ready for a visit from you, I'll let you know' to
dislodge it.
#Post#: 33707--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: katiekat2009 Date: July 1, 2019, 8:24 am
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First of all, I would be insulted that Mary felt she needed to
bring a friend along, that our company wasn't enough. (Really
ticks me off when people do that, even for a restaurant invite.)
Second, I would definitely call Mary and tell her NOT to take it
upon herself to invite others to your home and, possibly, based
on her response, uninvite her.
Hopefully, if Susan was planning to come she would contact you
about dates. You could then say, "We won't be able to host you,
not sure where you got your information".
Alternatively, respond to Susan's FB post and say,
"Unfortunately, it is just not going to be possible to host you
at this time."
#Post#: 33710--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: Aleko Date: July 1, 2019, 9:25 am
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[quote]First of all, I would be insulted that Mary felt she
needed to bring a friend along[/quote]
We don't know that she did. As I said, that part of the story is
very ambiguous, leaving it possible that either she understood
that the invitation was for both of them and spoke to Susan on
that basis, or that she mentioned to Susan that she (i.e. Mary)
had had an invitation, and Susan took it into her head that she
was invited also.
#Post#: 33720--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: lowspark Date: July 1, 2019, 11:08 am
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1202.msg33617#msg33617
date=1561771291]
If Susan shows up on the doorstep, OP is well within her rights
not to let Susan in her house.
[/quote]
This is much easier said than done. I wouldn't want to be in
that awkward position. No matter how strong my resolve, if
indeed I really felt the need to refuse someone entry to my
house, I'm not sure that in the moment, I'd actually be able to
do it.
I vote for clarifying with Mary that Susan is definitely not
invited and for her to please not mention it to Susan again in
any context.
#Post#: 33721--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: gramma dishes Date: July 1, 2019, 11:23 am
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Call Mary. Ask her if she has a clue as to how Susan may have
gotten the idea that she (and her boyfriend!) were invited to
your home. Tell Mary it had never at any time been your
intention to invite Susan. Clarify clearly for once and for all
that you and only you issue invitations to people you'd like to
have visit. Make sure she understands that Susan is not invited
this time and that if any future invitations are issued to Mary
they should not be mentioned in any way to Susan.
Just tell her!
#Post#: 33723--------------------------------------------------
Re: Uninvited houseguest - how to avoid
By: Rose Red Date: July 1, 2019, 11:45 am
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It doesn't sound like Susan is going this time anyway since Mary
says "Susan decided not to come."
When Mary shows up for this visit, tell her you won't be issuing
invitations to Susan so please don't invite her in the future.
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