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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 33380--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: June 24, 2019, 6:38 pm
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Lilac, I do apologize. I really thought I had made it clear
that I was not doubting your take on the situation, just saying
what might be possible for any of us in a similar situation. But
I’m sure you are 100% right about what happened.
I’m interested in your response to my main point, though. Do you
think you would have felt different if your friend had spoken to
you about it differently, even with the identical underlying
circumstances?
#Post#: 33397--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: June 25, 2019, 5:51 am
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Given that Betty knew that you were bringing her some plants,
and the dinner with her friends was a casual event, I definitely
think it was rude of her to cancel at the last minute - or
alternatively, it was rude not to invite you along to the
dinner.
#Post#: 33409--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Lilac
Date: June 25, 2019, 9:21 am
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Gellchom,
No. I am not a special snowflake who needs to be tiptoed around
with pretty language. It was the fact that Betty knew I was
bringing the plants, had been exhorting me strongly to come and
view her home renovations and knew I would have put in a long
slog at the cottage on yard work. (In the past, before her late
husband got sick, she used to come over and help me with the
yard work/annual maintenance at this cottage, which belongs to
an elderly relative of mine -- she knows exactly the kind of
rigorous outdoor day I would have been putting in.) I was
really looking forward to getting off my feet and relaxing a bit
by catching up with her before driving home -- it's not a
freeway drive so the 35 miles takes more than the 30 minutes or
so a highway excursion would. Instead I got to drive home cold,
dirty, hungry, (and grocery shop for something for dinner that
night) while the three of them plopped down to their meal in a
cozy diner a couple of miles away. I certainly felt put in my
place.
#Post#: 33423--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Hanna
Date: June 25, 2019, 11:17 am
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I think this was really rude and thoughtless of her. I'd be
very hurt, also.
I also think someone that recently lost a spouse is not quite
themselves, and any rude behavior outside of how they normally
behaved should be given a pass for at least a year.
#Post#: 33431--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Effie
Date: June 25, 2019, 12:10 pm
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--- Quote from: Hanna link ---
>
>
> I also think someone that recently lost a spouse is not quite
themselves, and any rude behavior outside of how they normally
behaved should be given a pass for at least a year.
>
--- End Quote ---
Sorry, but I don't believe losing a spouse or other loved one
gets a pass to act like a jerk for a year.
#Post#: 33442--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: LadyX
Date: June 25, 2019, 1:44 pm
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--- Quote from: Lilac link ---
>
> Gellchom,
>
> No. I am not a special snowflake who needs to be tiptoed
around with pretty language. It was the fact that Betty knew I
was bringing the plants, had been exhorting me strongly to come
and view her home renovations and knew I would have put in a
long slog at the cottage on yard work. (In the past, before her
late husband got sick, she used to come over and help me with
the yard work/annual maintenance at this cottage, which belongs
to an elderly relative of mine -- she knows exactly the kind of
rigorous outdoor day I would have been putting in.) I was
really looking forward to getting off my feet and relaxing a bit
by catching up with her before driving home -- it's not a
freeway drive so the 35 miles takes more than the 30 minutes or
so a highway excursion would. Instead I got to drive home cold,
dirty, hungry, (and grocery shop for something for dinner that
night) while the three of them plopped down to their meal in a
cozy diner a couple of miles away. I certainly felt put in my
place.
>
--- End Quote ---
Gellchom apologized to you and you didn't even acknowledge it.
While venting is not prohibited, going after fellow posters like
you are doing with Gellchom will not be tolerated. She was one
of the best posters on Ehell and has been nothing but an asset
here.
We get that your friend hurt your feelings and we sympathize.
But, you can't take that hurt out on your fellow posters here.
You might remember Scritzy's coke rule on the Ehell boards.
Please use it.
#Post#: 33443--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Lilac
Date: June 25, 2019, 1:54 pm
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My apologies.
#Post#: 33444--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: LadyX
Date: June 25, 2019, 1:59 pm
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--- Quote from: Lilac link ---
>
> My apologies.
>
--- End Quote ---
Thank-you. I appreciate that. Most everyone here was at Ehell
and we know how things can get in the heat of the moment. And
we also know it can be frustrating when posters don't seem to be
responding in quite the way we need or expect. But that's the
internet for ya!
#Post#: 33455--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: lisastitch
Date: June 25, 2019, 4:23 pm
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--- Quote from: Effie link ---
>
> [quote author=Hanna link=topic=1192.msg33423#msg33423
date=1561479420]
>
> I also think someone that recently lost a spouse is not quite
themselves, and any rude behavior outside of how they normally
behaved should be given a pass for at least a year.
>
--- End Quote ---
Sorry, but I don't believe losing a spouse or other loved one
gets a pass to act like a jerk for a year.
[/quote]
No, it doesn't give you a pass to act like a jerk, but if a dear
friend is going through a hard time (having lost a spouse, being
diagnosed with cancer, losing a job, caring for an aging
parent), then I'm willing to give that person more leeway and
more forgiveness, knowing that people in those positions are not
themselves, that things fall through the cracks, that stuff gets
forgotten, that energy just isn't there.
#Post#: 33480--------------------------------------------------
Re: S/O of Derailing Reservation: Cancel on me for others....
DIR By: Raintree
Date: June 26, 2019, 12:52 am
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--- Quote from: Lilac link ---
>
>
> I sort of resent the implication that I am "making
assumptions" when I laid out the facts in my OP, including that
we are very frequent communicators and up to speed on what is
going on in one another's circle. The dinner they were headed
to was a routine meal at a local diner, one of several meals a
week they eat together just because.
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Well, sorry. That wasn't my intent. Just putting out another
possibility and can only go on what is written. I wasn't there.
I have lots of people that I keep in touch with regularly and
still might not know they are heading out for a different type
of dinner THAT night. I also have friends whose friends I know
to talk over the fence with or say hello to at BBQ's and still
might not know them well enough to be invited to whatever they
happen to be doing. So I'm just reaching to try to find out
other explanations besides "OP was snubbed." If you say you are
certain that is not the case, I believe you. And it was still
rude to cancel last minute. Who the hell forgets they are going
out for something else important 15 minutes beforehand?
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