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#Post#: 32808--------------------------------------------------
Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Victoria Date: June 13, 2019, 12:54 pm
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I volunteer at a small church. My friend Tammy is on staff and
responsible for a Wednesday night Bible study for young adults.
I have helped out in a variety of ways and one of those ways is
with young adult outreach activities, though I am not officially
on staff and can't spend church money. We have a tiny group of
regulars on Wednesday nights and every now and then someone new
will stop by.
Unfortunately, Wednesday nights have become a pattern of Tammy
bringing out leftover food (though she has a church budget) and
serving it to people who are occasionally getting their first
impression of the church from these dinners. We often have a
mishmash of items like half-eaten cakes and occasionally
vegetables, starches, and meat that don't "go" together because
they were prepared for different church functions. She's also
comfortable putting out things like wilted lettuce past its
best-by date and adding it to 1-2 other ingredients to make a
"salad." There's no thought to presentation (I have seen more
than my fair share of crusty salad dressing bottles), to serving
the meal on time, or to placing it all out at the same time.
Last week I watched a couple of guests who were visibly taken
aback at what was being served. They were handed a
vegetable/condiment tray that didn't have enough vegetables for
their burgers, and was obviously left over from another event.
They declined to try and ration what was left amongst themselves
and ate almost nothing. Tammy also said things like "There's
cookies left over from the Senior Ladies' Sunday!" and "The
youth still have some toppings left over from their
make-your-own-taco bar if you want other stuff!"
I think Tammy has fallen into the comfort trap of "It doesn't
matter, it's just us" because the "core" group of people are all
friends with each other and there's a tendency to relax
standards around people you know. But I do know that there has
been a heightened level of enthusiasm and appreciation when I've
stepped in and brought things (fresh, neatly packed, decent
variety, unopened) to the dinners. I just can't afford to do it
every week and I don't have the time, but I am growing concerned
because I helped out with outreach to this age group and I think
the dinners are going to be a turnoff.
I know that this may read like I'm stuck up or uptight in some
way about looks and presentation, but I genuinely see this as an
issue of hospitality. I'm concerned that the people who attend
these dinners will feel like an afterthought, or like it's one
more thing Tammy has to deal with, instead of feeling
comfortable and welcomed as guests. I also know that I'm too
close to the situation, and I resent Tammy for not making this
thing (which rolls around every single week) more of a priority.
I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. Maybe
I'm searching for The Magic Words when I really need to just rip
the bandaid off (in positive terms, like "Let's do X, Y, Z for
this" and not "Don't put out crusty/old salad dressing bottles,
of course).
#Post#: 32809--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: bopper Date: June 13, 2019, 1:01 pm
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If you attend this church, I would bring it up to the
pastor/mission leader/worship leader because yes, this is
reflecting on your church.
Tammy sees it as saving money, but the participants see it as
them not being worthy of "new" food...
#Post#: 32815--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Rose Red Date: June 13, 2019, 1:24 pm
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Yes, she needs to be made aware of how it comes across. Even if
the budget is small, it's better to serve fresh cheaper food
(pasta? cookies and punch? cheese and crackers?) than what she's
doing now. It's insulting. Especially if the group are young
adults who may already feel they are not given the respect older
people are given.
Also, and this may be just me, but I find it gross when
leftovers from community events are pulled out. Who knows how
many hands have sifted through it?
Hopefully someone can find the right words that you can say to
her.
#Post#: 32816--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Jem Date: June 13, 2019, 1:25 pm
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It might be better to just not have the expectation that dinner
be served. Have the Bible study, maybe have coffee and cookies.
But I think it would be better to not serve any dinner than to
serve leftovers.
#Post#: 32817--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: sandisadie Date: June 13, 2019, 1:40 pm
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EEEW!! Speaking for myself - I'm not going to a public function
and eat what are obviously leftovers from another event. To me
that is gross with a capital "G". Your church family is not
your personal family IMO. I don't even serve leftovers to any
of my guests, even visiting family. Maybe if I had part of a
cake or pie I would let it be known that it was available if
anyone wanted to try it; but I'd have other desserts available
just for the current meal. Hey = but that's just me. I agree
with others who say this activity makes it seem that the people
being served food are not really important.
#Post#: 32823--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Luci Date: June 13, 2019, 2:58 pm
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Definitely unsanitary and unsafe and inhospitable and yuk!
I hate to see food wasted, too, but this is really extreme!
Offer the leftovers to the attendees and dump the rest. Clean
off the condiment bottles and toss ones that have very little in
them. (I wipe the screw part of the bottles and generally wipe
down the bottles with a Clorox wipe, always. That includes sides
of salt and pepper shakers.) If she won’t do this, just serve
cookies and coffee.
How to tell her, I don’t know beyond starting to help with the
clean up setting an example. Or is that Passive Aggression?
#Post#: 32825--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: lowspark Date: June 13, 2019, 3:03 pm
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Something like this maybe?
Tammy, I've noticed that the food we're offering at the young
adult Bible study isn't really going over so well. Do you think
it might be better to go ahead and splurge on some fresh food
since we have a budget we can spend and skip the leftovers?
One strategy might be to buy certain things fresh and go ahead
and use some specific leftovers but without announcing that they
are old. Cookies would probably be ok if arranged nicely on a
tray. A trick for leftover cake is to go ahead and slice it up
and arrange it in a dish as opposed to just putting out a whole
cake with a missing section.
[quote] there's a tendency to relax standards around people you
know.[/quote]
If that is where she is coming from you might say something
like, "I'm ok with serving leftovers to my family but when
guests come over, I try to put my best foot forward and serve
fresh and I'm thinking of the new people as guests."
Thing is, if she's going to take offense, there's almost no way
to approach it. If she'd be ok with the feedback, then asking
"do you think it might be better" or putting in terms of how you
like to do things is better than saying that what she's doing is
bad.
#Post#: 32826--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Jem Date: June 13, 2019, 3:03 pm
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I reread the OP and it is not clear to me whether this event is
"marketed" as a dinner or whether Tammy simply tries to get rid
of leftovers at this event. I still think it is best to just
have it be a Bible Study and not a dinner, and to tell Tammy to
not bring out leftovers, but another option might be to turn it
into a potluck or rotating "host" dinner, especially if it is
the same group of regulars.
I would probably just be direct:
1) Tammy, I don't think we need to provide an actual dinner.
Let's just have the Bible study and maybe have coffee and
cookies.
or
2) Tammy, trying to cobble together a dinner from leftovers
isn't working. Let's see how the group feels about making this
into a potluck.
#Post#: 32829--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: Lilac Date: June 13, 2019, 3:14 pm
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Who is Tammy's manager? That person needs to be made aware of
the situation and to address it with Tammy, STAT.
It's disrepectful and a hygiene issue, not to mention a public
relations disaster. As others have said, better to serve
nothing than days-old scraps and leavings that have been handled
by other groups.
Scale back to cheese, crackers and carrot sticks if necessary or
implement a "no homemade food" policy for these meetings; is
there someone who can supervise a standing order for pizza or a
weekly supermarket snack tray?
#Post#: 32834--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wednesday night church dinner concerns
By: mime Date: June 13, 2019, 4:14 pm
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I get that she's going for "let's raid the fridge" thing, which
is fine in a casual environment for some people, but not so much
for others. I like what a PP said about serving leftovers to
your family but putting your best foot forward for guests. Tammy
just may have lost sight of the impression she's making outside
of her small familiar group. It would be good to remind her of
that.
I think you can suggest she stick to providing things that she
can do well: leftover cookies will look and taste just fine when
presented on a plate that doesn't show that half of them were
already eaten, for example. She doesn't have to provide dinner;
snacks are great!
Do you know if she really wants to serve dinner, or just has an
uncontrollable urge to get rid of leftovers?
If she wants to provide dinner, then she needs to use some of
her budget to do it in a way that is actually hospitable,
because what she's doing is not meeting the intention.
If she just wants to get rid of leftovers, then suggest she take
them home, or offer them as a doggie bag at the end of the night
to anyone who isn't grossed out by the idea. Depending on the
age of these young adults, that could be a welcome offering
(thinking back to my starving student days, where leftovers from
my small church community would have been very appreciated!)
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