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#Post#: 32803--------------------------------------------------
Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Worked
beautifully
By: Babsie Date: June 13, 2019, 12:21 pm
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My pal, let's call him David, has sublet an apartment in the
pricy Bay Area for almost three years from a friend of mine who
moved to a nearby state when her boyfriend was transferred
there. This woman, "Danielle", kept the apartment as a kind of
safety net, and also because it's rent controlled. She makes a
few hundred bucks a month subletting it to David for more than
the rent is, which is fine.
Danielle and the boyfriend split up but remained friendly and
she stayed in nearby state, where she seems quite happy.
David called me for advice. Danielle texted him that her ex-bf
was coming to the Bay Area, and she wanted to know if he could
stay at David's for "a few days". David has never even met the
ex, was surprised she'd even ask such a thing, and didn't know
how to respond. I think she feels it's still "her" apartment
because it's in her name. (The landlord knows she's subletting,
btw and doesn't care so long as the rent is paid in a timely
manner, which it is.)
I was delighted to give David the advice I've gotten from this
site. "I'm sorry, that won't be possible." Nothing else, just
that. No explaining, no offering solutions, just No.
He texted her exactly those words; she didn't respond, and David
wasn't put in the awkward position of having a houseguest he
doesn't know. Win/Win!
#Post#: 32824--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Luci Date: June 13, 2019, 3:02 pm
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It works! 👏👏👏
#Post#: 32839--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Lilac Date: June 13, 2019, 4:33 pm
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Glad it worked but gee, not sure I would jeopardize an informal
sublease of a rent-controlled apartment by refusing to help out
Danielle's friend.
I mean, how bad could it be? Fix him some sheets on the sofa,
stock up on some snacks, maybe take him out for a beer? Might
meet a new friend but if not, you've kept Danielle happy and
comfortable with the rental arrangement.
#Post#: 32845--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: GardenGal Date: June 13, 2019, 5:25 pm
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[quote author=Lilac link=topic=1188.msg32839#msg32839
date=1560461604]
Glad it worked but gee, not sure I would jeopardize an informal
sublease of a rent-controlled apartment by refusing to help out
Danielle's friend.
I mean, how bad could it be? Fix him some sheets on the sofa,
stock up on some snacks, maybe take him out for a beer? Might
meet a new friend but if not, you've kept Danielle happy and
comfortable with the rental arrangement.
[/quote]
I get your point about wanting to keep Danielle happy, but I
would never allow a total stranger to stay in my apartment.
Period. Danielle isn't doing a favor for David - he's paying
her rent above and beyond what she is paying, so he doesn't owe
her anything, least of all having a strange guy stay with him.
I can see David letting this guy stay with him IF David wasn't
paying any rent at all and was relying on Danielle's charity for
his apartment, but that's not the case here. And what if next
month Danielle's cousin needs a place to crash for a few days,
or her best friend is getting married and wants to spend a
romantic weekend in the Bay Area and Danielle offers to loan her
apartment? Once David says yes he is opening the door for more
requests.
#Post#: 32847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Lilac Date: June 13, 2019, 5:32 pm
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I guess I don't approach things with such negativity. Danialle
is a longtime aquaintance and if she is vouching for bf, I
would be happy to host him. I would not consider him a total
stranger. And I'd cross the bridge about other requests when I
came to it, but see no reason that this will suddenly open the
floodgates if it's the first such ask in three years.
David is paying Danielle rent, yes, but he's also somewhat at
the mercy of her since they don't have a lease. She could raise
the rent, find another tenant, etc etc and there is not much
David could do about it. From what I understand, Bay Area
housing is very tight and expensive. If I had an affordable
place that I liked, I would stick my neck out a bit to hang onto
it.
#Post#: 32856--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Luci Date: June 13, 2019, 6:51 pm
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This is a business arrangement with privacy issues looming at
risk.
#Post#: 32889--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: lakey Date: June 14, 2019, 2:12 pm
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[quote]Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Worked
beautifully
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2019, 05:32:44 pm »
Quote
I guess I don't approach things with such negativity. Danialle
is a longtime aquaintance and if she is vouching for bf, I
would be happy to host him. I would not consider him a total
stranger. [/quote]
I think this is a matter of a person's personality and comfort
level. I would really dislike having someone I didn't know
staying over even for a couple of nights. I would do like David
and try to avoid it.
The housing situation in the Bay area is a good point. Providing
David with a place to stay at a reasonable rate is a benefit for
David. But there is the other side to that, Danielle has the
benefit of subletting to someone who, I'm assuming, can be
depended on to pay rent on time and take decent care of the
property. That isn't a small thing either. David is in a
precarious position anyway, because Danialle could decide to
move back at any time.
#Post#: 32892--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: NFPwife Date: June 14, 2019, 2:18 pm
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[quote author=lakey link=topic=1188.msg32889#msg32889
date=1560539523]
[quote]Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Worked
beautifully
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2019, 05:32:44 pm »
Quote
I guess I don't approach things with such negativity. Danialle
is a longtime aquaintance and if she is vouching for bf, I
would be happy to host him. I would not consider him a total
stranger. [/quote]
I think this is a matter of a person's personality and comfort
level. I would really dislike having someone I didn't know
staying over even for a couple of nights. I would do like David
and try to avoid it.
The housing situation in the Bay area is a good point. Providing
David with a place to stay at a reasonable rate is a benefit for
David. But there is the other side to that, Danielle has the
benefit of subletting to someone who, I'm assuming, can be
depended on to pay rent on time and take decent care of the
property. That isn't a small thing either. David is in a
precarious position anyway, because Danialle could decide to
move back at any time.
[/quote]
Agree! This is a sufficiently "win-win" setup that the playing
field, in my mind, is level and David isn't obligated to indulge
Danielle because of the agreement. If David wanted to host,
fine. It's also perfectly okay if he doesn't.
#Post#: 32894--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Lilac Date: June 14, 2019, 2:38 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I didn't mean David was etiquettle-ly wrong to decline, because
he's not. Just that as a practical matter, it may be in his
best interest to keep Danielle happy. I would imagine the Bay
Area supply of eagerly reliable and clean rent-payers far
outnumbers the supply of affordable rent-controlled appartments
with flexible, laid-back landlords.
#Post#: 32895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Told my friend about "that won't be possible". Wor
ked beautifully
By: Babsie Date: June 14, 2019, 2:42 pm
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OP here. David has allowed Danielle and her new bf to stay in
the living room when she's been in town. He did not feel
comfortable having a stranger camp out in his living room but
did feel pressure because, as some pointed out, Danielle does
rather have the upper hand on him since he's a subletter.
He hasn't heard back from Danielle after telling her it won't be
possible.
For all I know, she only asked because the ex asked her to and
now she can tell him she tried and it wasn't possible.
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