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#Post#: 33005--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: Twik Date: June 17, 2019, 3:51 pm
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1186.msg32831#msg32831
date=1560459763]
Hi everyone, we were working on neighborhood administrative
things at the meeting, so wveryone’s Glass was on the coffee
table and we were knee to knee. No one did ask for a refill,
and the host preeempted it by asking to top up their glasses
when they were low. Since no one else asked for more, I felt
weird being the only one needing to ask and kept quiet because
really it’s just a drink and I can have that at home if I want
more. There might be something to the gender thing because the
other woman got up to get a napkin and he made her sit down
because “ladies don’t get up to get their own napkins in this
house” which I thought was a little weird though I think he
meant it gallantly?
[/quote]
Oh, that is indeed weird. Perhaps he believes that ladies only
taste demon liquor, not imbibe?
#Post#: 33020--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: hovlane Date: June 17, 2019, 8:20 pm
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It's not just weird, it's sexist. Unless he said to one of the
men "gentlemen don't get up to get their own napkins in this
house" and 20$ says he wouldn't have.
As for the wine, I'd have spoken up.
#Post#: 33043--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: jpcher Date: June 18, 2019, 4:00 pm
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It is odd behavior . . .
Was your glass ever completely empty?
How did the beer drinker get his (bottle, can, glass)
replenished?
You said that this meeting was for "neighborhood administrative
things" has the group met before? Are you new to the group?
Not that these questions have any real bearing on his behavior
(rude, IMO), but these minor details might help us give you more
grounded answers.
Me? I would have had no problem with saying "Oh, that was
delicious. May I please have another glass?" while he was
pouring out.
#Post#: 33299--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: NyaChan Date: June 23, 2019, 2:00 pm
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[quote author=jpcher link=topic=1186.msg33043#msg33043
date=1560891644]
It is odd behavior . . .
Was your glass ever completely empty?
How did the beer drinker get his (bottle, can, glass)
replenished?
You said that this meeting was for "neighborhood administrative
things" has the group met before? Are you new to the group?
Not that these questions have any real bearing on his behavior
(rude, IMO), but these minor details might help us give you more
grounded answers.
Me? I would have had no problem with saying "Oh, that was
delicious. May I please have another glass?" while he was
pouring out.
[/quote]
Sorry for taking so long to respond but we had a huge dustup
about ethics and reimbursements with my HOA and I forgot about
this. I might actually post a generic hypo of it to see what
people think because right now I feel like I’m in the twilight
zone with no one else agreeing that this is problem.
Back to the wine thing - It was an informal ( read non compliant
with our bylaws) HOA meeting. My glass did go empty and I also
remembered that at one point the host poured some schnapps and
had all the guys smell it and taste it but didn’t offer it to
the women. At the time I thought he was trying not to interrupt
us because we were in the middle of drafting language for a rule
change. I actually had to meet with one of the men present
who is from Eastern Europe to talk about the problem that came
up and brought scotch with me because someone had told me that
is a thing to do to bond. He started laughing when I poured us
a couple fingers and said, “Hahaha! and Neighbor gave you wine!”
After the problems, I don’t think I’ll be invited back for that
sort of meeting again, but I do like the wording that was
suggested here and will keep it in mind.
#Post#: 33378--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: jpcher Date: June 24, 2019, 5:35 pm
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Sorry things didn't work out with you being on the committee,
please let us know what the kerfuffle was. Maybe we can help you
get things back in order.
My MIL was Chair on her HOA committee and the stories she told
me about conflicts, people not understanding why the rules are
in place, residents wanting to change things just because (then
why did you move into an HOA with specific rules?) She did it
for about 5 year then said "enough." She still attends the
meetings when there's something important to her on the agenda,
but doesn't want to get back on the committee.
Maybe you don't want to go back as well?
Funny story about the scotch. That's the way to schmooze! LOL!
;D
#Post#: 33625--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: LifeOnPluto Date: June 29, 2019, 12:35 am
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That is really strange. My first thought was that perhaps the
host was a bit sexist (eg "men are bigger, and handle their
liquor! Poor dainty ladies can't - it just goes straight to
their heads!") but then I remembered you said he gave the other
woman a full serving of white wine.
Normally I think it's perfectly fine to speak up and say "Hey
Bob, could I get a top-up too?" But I totally get how you might
not have felt comfortable doing that - especially since he
wasn't asking who wanted a top-up, just pre-emptively filling
the other guests' glasses.
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