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#Post#: 32769--------------------------------------------------
Host pouring wine
By: NyaChan Date: June 12, 2019, 10:54 pm
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Had kind of a weird social situation I wanted to run by you
guys. It wasn’t a big deal, just odd and I wondered if anyone
has an idea of what might really be happening.
I was invited for wine and cheese at a neighbor’s home along
with 4 other neighbors. One person opted for beer, but the host
and the rest of us picked wine. The host opened a bottle of
white and poured a lady a healthy sized glass. He then opened a
red which he particularly liked (easily available, not rare).
He poured a little taste out for one of the men and then poured
him a full serving once he confirmed he liked it. The host then
poured some in a glass for me, about two fingers. I also
confirmed that it was very good but the host didn’t pour me a
full serving. He moved to the next guest and after giving him a
taste, poured him a full glass too. After pouring himself a
full glass also, he guided us all to the sitting room. Later,
he poured the remainder of the bottle into his own glass and
refilled the two other guests’ glasses from a new bottle of the
wine after asking them if they’d like another glass. While he
again asked them if they needed a refill, he never poured me any
more wine. The beer drinker had three beers, the white wine
drinker finished her glass and got a sparkling water and I was
just kind of confused why the host skipped me. Does this seem
odd to anyone else? I don’t know this neighbor all that well in
a social capacity, but he sold me my home, often drops by to pet
my cats and even gave me a gift from his last overseas trip at
this event so I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t like me.
#Post#: 32775--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: HenrysMom Date: June 13, 2019, 1:37 am
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The only thing I can (charitably) think of is that he thinks
you’re not a big drinker? The other (uncharitable) reason I can
think of is that he didn’t want to share his wine with you for
some dumb reason (like male privilege, he thinks you’re a lush,
or something equally stupid).
I’d give his hospitality one more try and see what he does. If
he overlooks you again, then I’d stop accepting invitations from
him.
#Post#: 32780--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: Aleko Date: June 13, 2019, 2:17 am
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That is weird, and indeed downright rude, whichever way you look
at it.
If he somehow got the impression you didn't really like the red
wine and had only said so to be polite (and some people do have
a dumb notion that red wine is a man's drink and it should be
'white for the ladies'), when you finished it he should have
asked if you wanted more or would rather switch to the white or
the water? Similarly, if he believed you didn't - or shouldn't -
drink more than a token amount of alcohol, he could have offered
you the water or other soft drinks. There really is no excuse
for leaving one guest with an empty glass while topping up
everybody else. (Even if, heaven forbid, you don't like them. A
guest is a guest, and must be treated with courtesy as long as
they are under your roof, regardless.)
Maybe it was just a brain-f*rt. Let's hope so. And, for future
reference, if the host is pouring another round and accidentally
leaves you out, it is perfectly legit to say 'May I have a
top-up, please?'
#Post#: 32789--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: Jem Date: June 13, 2019, 7:30 am
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It’s strange for sure. I would have assumed it was an oversight
and asked for more (if I wanted more) personally. Was your glass
just empty for most of the night?
#Post#: 32790--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: Hmmm Date: June 13, 2019, 7:59 am
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That is odd. Did you finish the the glass he poured you? I think
I would have asked for a refill once I finished.
#Post#: 32798--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: lowspark Date: June 13, 2019, 9:26 am
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Yeah. I would have absolutely asked for more if he didn't pour
it. It happens all the time in my circle. Someone is pouring
wine for Alice and Barbara and just doesn't notice that Carol's
glass is empty so Carol speaks up! Or maybe Carol's glass isn't
completely empty but getting there, so while you're pouring....
I don't see it as a big deal to ask. Particularly when you're
hosting, it can be easy to get distracted in conversation +
hosting duties so I wouldn't necessarily read anything nefarious
into this.
#Post#: 32799--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: iolaus Date: June 13, 2019, 9:45 am
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Does seem weird, could it be that the others made some
non-verbal clue that you didn't? Such as as they said it was
nice they held their glasses out, prompting a top up, whereas
you just said it was nice
#Post#: 32800--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: Hmmm Date: June 13, 2019, 10:14 am
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[quote author=iolaus link=topic=1186.msg32799#msg32799
date=1560437138]
Does seem weird, could it be that the others made some
non-verbal clue that you didn't? Such as as they said it was
nice they held their glasses out, prompting a top up, whereas
you just said it was nice
[/quote]
I didn't think about nonverbal cues but iolaus makes a good
point. I know if a good friend of mine is pouring someone else a
glass and I tilt my glass she'll refill mine without asking or a
slight shake of the head means I don't need anymore.
Also, I know the drinking habits of a lot of my close friends
and family. So for instance, my MIL will get a smallish 4oz pour
while my SIL will get about an 8 oz pour. If pouring for a new
friend, I'll probably do a standard 5oz pour.
But really, I can't imagine being a host for a wine and cheese
gathering and not offering everyone at least a second glass.
#Post#: 32831--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: NyaChan Date: June 13, 2019, 4:02 pm
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Hi everyone, we were working on neighborhood administrative
things at the meeting, so wveryone’s Glass was on the coffee
table and we were knee to knee. No one did ask for a refill,
and the host preeempted it by asking to top up their glasses
when they were low. Since no one else asked for more, I felt
weird being the only one needing to ask and kept quiet because
really it’s just a drink and I can have that at home if I want
more. There might be something to the gender thing because the
other woman got up to get a napkin and he made her sit down
because “ladies don’t get up to get their own napkins in this
house” which I thought was a little weird though I think he
meant it gallantly?
#Post#: 32846--------------------------------------------------
Re: Host pouring wine
By: lakey Date: June 13, 2019, 5:30 pm
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Maybe, socially, he just doesn't notice things. I can be like
that.
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