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#Post#: 34376--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Hanna Date: July 12, 2019, 1:06 am
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[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad and I know at that age
I would not have enjoyed it. If you can’t take your kids to your
own sister’s house while on holiday and be allowed to bring
along a healthy green vegetable that they will actually eat,
then sister is a jerk.
Frozen Peas take about 3 minutes to microwave. Sister is just
trying to prove she’s a better parent with this “my children eat
what I tell them” nonsense. What they put in their mouths is
just about the only thing a child can control in their lives,
forcing them to eat things they don’t like is messed up, in my
opinion.
On a side note, Dr Laura told a woman to tell her parents they
could just visit in her home and she wouldn’t be bringing this
kids back there because they insist on serving complicated
gourmet food that her kids won’t eat.
#Post#: 34378--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Aleko Date: July 12, 2019, 2:38 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]If you can't take your kids to your own sister's house
while on holiday and be allowed to bring along a healthy green
vegetable that they will actually eat[/quote]
I'm all for gIving children healthy green vegetables, myself.
But - just as in the discussion of breaking kosher rules, above
- these kids weren't going to die if they had a single meal
without any. So long as their aunt wasn't actually going to
demand that they ate the salad, there was no actual need for
their mother to bring peas and insist that they be served so
that her kiddies got their vitamin C.
I agree that cooking frozen peas is almost no bother; but I
think we also all agree that this whole barney wasn't really
about these specific foods as such, but an underlying family
dynamic. Maybe the visiting sister so constantly adjusts the
meals in her sister's house with little 'improvements', and
additions for her little darlings because they won't eat what
their aunt is serving, that the hosting sister finally snapped
and smacked her down.
#Post#: 34407--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: peony Date: July 12, 2019, 10:32 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1185.msg34376#msg34376
date=1562911601]
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad
[/quote]
My mother always served healthy green salads at supper, and we
learned to like them when we were as young as 5.
#Post#: 34408--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Jem Date: July 12, 2019, 10:44 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=peony link=topic=1185.msg34407#msg34407
date=1562945532]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1185.msg34376#msg34376
date=1562911601]
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad
[/quote]
My mother always served healthy green salads at supper, and we
learned to like them when we were as young as 5.
[/quote]
I eat tons and tons of fruits and vegetables. They are always in
copious supply at my house and always offered. However, my DD
(now 10) has always preferred meat, cheese, dairy, and
bread/cracker foods. As a working mom I was not about to waste
the precious time I have with her each day arguing about what
she will and will not eat, especially when it is clear she
simply does not like fruits or vegetables at this point in her
life. She takes multivitamins and drinks the equivalent to
Ensure to be certain she is getting all of her nutrients, but if
I were to have forced her to eat salad when she was five years
old I think our enjoyment of life and her overall nutrition
would have suffered.
I think there are many ways to handled food and kids, so people
should do what works for them.
#Post#: 34414--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Hmmm Date: July 12, 2019, 12:12 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=peony link=topic=1185.msg34407#msg34407
date=1562945532]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1185.msg34376#msg34376
date=1562911601]
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad
[/quote]
My mother always served healthy green salads at supper, and we
learned to like them when we were as young as 5.
[/quote]
I grew up with a nightly dinner of a protein, a starch, a green
vegetable and usually a non-green vegetable (except summer when
the garden was overflowing and our meals were primarily
vegetable based). The green was usually salad coming from the
garden since we could grow lettuce year round. I didn't start
liking (which meant eating) salads till I was introduced to blue
cheese dressing when I was 13. You could put blue cheese on
anything and I would eat it.
So just being exposed to it doesn't mean you'll like it.
#Post#: 34415--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: JeanFromBNA Date: July 12, 2019, 12:20 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
There's a huge difference in making a child sit there until he
finishes a food, or force feeding him, and refusing to make
substitutions. The caller did not indicate that she was going to
force the kids to eat anything. She didn't think that she should
have to have the additional food on her menu.
I think that I understand her perspective. We had friends who,
when their children were young, would actually jump up from the
dinner table to make the child something else if they complained
about what was served. And then we'd watch as two bites were
taken out of the baloney sandwich, and it was left, along with
the rest of their food, while the child went off to play. Sister
may have been determined to head off something like that.
#Post#: 34423--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Jem Date: July 12, 2019, 1:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=1185.msg34415#msg34415
date=1562952036]
There's a huge difference in making a child sit there until he
finishes a food, or force feeding him, and refusing to make
substitutions. The caller did not indicate that she was going to
force the kids to eat anything. She didn't think that she should
have to have the additional food on her menu.
I think that I understand her perspective. We had friends who,
when their children were young, [color=orange]would actually
jump up from the dinner table to make the child something else
if they complained about what was served. And then we'd watch as
two bites were taken out of the baloney sandwich, and it was
left, along with the rest of their food, while the child went
off to play. Sister may have been determined to head off
something like that.
[/color][/quote]
I don't really have a problem with this aside from the orange. I
would be far more bothered by an argument attempting to force a
child to eat something that the child has a history of not
liking, and I would actually appreciate the parent just being
honest with me as host and saying "I brought this PBJ for Billy;
he is not a very adventurous eater and I want all of us to enjoy
the meal rather than be focused on whether Billy is eating
something I can predict right now he won't eat without a fight."
I would appreciate the parent being proactive, and I would also
expect the child to spend an appropriate amount of time at the
table with the group. This would likely include until people are
finished eating and the child would be excused if the social
time is extended to dessert and coffee, etc.
But the last thing I would want would be to have a social
gathering hijacked because a parent felt they had to force a
child to eat something they know that child does not want to
eat.
#Post#: 34436--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: lakey Date: July 12, 2019, 6:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]But the last thing I would want would be to have a social
gathering hijacked because a parent felt they had to force a
child to eat something they know that child does not want to
eat.[/quote]
Do people still do that? I do many of the holiday meals for my
family. None of my nieces and nephews have made their children
eat food they didn't like. I'm sure that there were side dishes
passed around that the young children didn't eat. I didn't
notice and I didn't care. The parents knew what kinds of food
their kids ate, and put those things on their plates.
As far as their bringing extra food to a meal I had planned and
prepared, it would bother me, or not, according to how they
worded it. "Look, I brought my special pea and peanut salad!",
wouldn't bother me. However, "I brought 'blank' because you are
serving 'blank' and my kids don't like that", would probably
annoy me. I wouldn't make an issue of it, I wouldn't say
anything, but I'd be a little annoyed.
These things are minor annoyances that occur in all families.
When adult siblings get into angry fights over something like
this, there is usually something else that has been building up.
As others have said, it could be host sister showing she's a
"better" parent, it could be a pattern of pest behavior on the
part of guest sister, it could be controlling behavior on the
part of either one. It isn't really the peas, that's a small
thing, not worth fighting about.
#Post#: 34454--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: peony Date: July 13, 2019, 8:04 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1185.msg34414#msg34414
date=1562951574]
[quote author=peony link=topic=1185.msg34407#msg34407
date=1562945532]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1185.msg34376#msg34376
date=1562911601]
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad
[/quote]
My mother always served healthy green salads at supper, and we
learned to like them when we were as young as 5.
[/quote]
I grew up with a nightly dinner of a protein, a starch, a green
vegetable and usually a non-green vegetable (except summer when
the garden was overflowing and our meals were primarily
vegetable based). The green was usually salad coming from the
garden since we could grow lettuce year round. I didn't start
liking (which meant eating) salads till I was introduced to blue
cheese dressing when I was 13. You could put blue cheese on
anything and I would eat it.
So just being exposed to it doesn't mean you'll like it.
[/quote]
But early exposure to good food can pave the way for healthy
decisions about eating later on, which my mother realized.
#Post#: 34463--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Hmmm Date: July 13, 2019, 9:50 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=peony link=topic=1185.msg34454#msg34454
date=1563023061]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1185.msg34414#msg34414
date=1562951574]
[quote author=peony link=topic=1185.msg34407#msg34407
date=1562945532]
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=1185.msg34376#msg34376
date=1562911601]
[quote author=Raintree link=topic=1185.msg34374#msg34374
date=1562904139]
But asking for peas because your kids can't be taught to be
polite and accept what's put in front of them while a guest in
someone's home is a bit much, IMO.
[/quote]
I disagree with this unless said children are 13 or over. Do we
know the ages of the children? I don’t think kids below the age
of 7 should even be expected to eat salad
[/quote]
My mother always served healthy green salads at supper, and we
learned to like them when we were as young as 5.
[/quote]
I grew up with a nightly dinner of a protein, a starch, a green
vegetable and usually a non-green vegetable (except summer when
the garden was overflowing and our meals were primarily
vegetable based). The green was usually salad coming from the
garden since we could grow lettuce year round. I didn't start
liking (which meant eating) salads till I was introduced to blue
cheese dressing when I was 13. You could put blue cheese on
anything and I would eat it.
So just being exposed to it doesn't mean you'll like it.
[/quote]
But early exposure to good food can pave the way for healthy
decisions about eating later on, which my mother realized.
[/quote]
Yes, in theory, but not always in practice, which was my point.
My mother had a degree in home economics and worked as a county
dietician. My father had a masters in agriculture and promoted
organic farming in the 60's & 70s. Living a a healthy diet was
just a way of life. They weren't trying to expose their children
to healthy eating because they just assumed we would always eat
healthy. But they also recognized that not every person will
ever like everything and did not feel the need to make sure all
their children liked green salad because there were plenty other
fresh vegetables that we did eat.
I had a cousin who grew up on a farm and had exposure to a wide
range of vegetables his entire life. At age 60, he pretty much
is still a meats and potato eater. He just doesn't like them. On
the other hand, I have a young co-worker who said he pretty much
grew up in a household of a parents who provided mostly meat and
potatoes and spaghetti with a meat and red sauce was about as
adventurous as they got. He said he never had fish until he was
in his late teens. He is now a pescatarian and loves fish and
vegetables and will probably never eat another potato or piece
of red meat in his life.
My point was that you can't assume exposure will ensure liking
or acceptance by the child or adoption in adulthood.
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