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#Post#: 32896--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Gellchom Date: June 14, 2019, 3:18 pm
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Oh, totally. This is SO not at all about food.
#Post#: 32950--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: TootsNYC Date: June 15, 2019, 11:36 pm
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[quote]She did not want her kids seeing that their cousins could
ask for an alternative. [/quote]
Why didn't she just serve both salad and peas, and worry about
what her own kids ate?
It's a good thing for kids to learn that other people's children
have different rules.
Or that different occasions have different rules (your cousins
are here, so we're going to have an appetizer).
Me, I have a very few absolute rules (no feet on the table, no
throwing food, no snotty tones when you say you don't like it).
But when children are eating, the negotiating over the food
takes place where the kids can't hear, and I'm perfectly willing
to tweak things.
#Post#: 33301--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Star Wars Fan Date: June 23, 2019, 3:00 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1185.msg32950#msg32950
date=1560659794]
[quote]She did not want her kids seeing that their cousins could
ask for an alternative. [/quote]
Why didn't she just serve both salad and peas, and worry about
what her own kids ate?
It's a good thing for kids to learn that other people's children
have different rules.
Or that different occasions have different rules (your cousins
are here, so we're going to have an appetizer).
Me, I have a very few absolute rules (no feet on the table, no
throwing food, no snotty tones when you say you don't like it).
But when children are eating, the negotiating over the food
takes place where the kids can't hear, and I'm perfectly willing
to tweak things.
[/quote]
I agree. But then I can understand both side but having said
that it's too bad that people are usually never willing to come
up with a compromise in a situation. I've seen it over and over
again where people are like I'm right and you're wrong and it's
my way or the highway and it just ruins friendships and family
relations. People really should be willing to compromise more.
Just my opinion.
Ed.
#Post#: 33362--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Andi_3k Date: June 24, 2019, 3:54 pm
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They’re both wrong. Frankly if someone is bringing both and
appetizer AND a side they are saying something is lacking in my
hosting. And sister or not I’d be insulted. The host should be
providing adequate food for her guests and a main and a salad
just don’t cut it from my perspective. At my house there are
ALWAYS at least two sides and a salad along with the main and
possibly bread/rolls no one would notice if the kids didn’t eat
salad. For the guest’s part she should have asked first- all of
my family would have and there would have been no issues
#Post#: 33371--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: chigger Date: June 24, 2019, 4:49 pm
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=1185.msg33362#msg33362
date=1561409690]
They’re both wrong. Frankly if someone is bringing both and
appetizer AND a side they are saying something is lacking in my
hosting. And sister or not I’d be insulted. The host should be
providing adequate food for her guests and a main and a salad
just don’t cut it from my perspective. At my house there are
ALWAYS at least two sides and a salad along with the main and
possibly bread/rolls no one would notice if the kids didn’t eat
salad. For the guest’s part she should have asked first- all of
my family would have and there would have been no issues
[/quote]
The sister did ask!She asked if she could bring grilled shrimp,
hosting sister said only if it was part of the meal, because
"her kids were not allowed snacks before dinner". For the side
visiting sister wanted to add peas to the menu (I'm assuming
because they are something green her kids like), and she's shot
down by hosting sis because she doesn't believe in catering to
her kids tastes. We are talking family here, not a sit down pre
plated meal at someone's home. Hosting sister was an ass, and
controling to boot!
#Post#: 33377--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Andi_3k Date: June 24, 2019, 5:15 pm
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Sounds to like the guest sister asked after the shrimp and peas
were purchased and brought with her and both were unwilling to
change expectations—- it should have been worked out prior to
the visit. Neither is blameless
#Post#: 33412--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: June 25, 2019, 9:40 am
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The only reason not to honor a reasonable request (for me) would
be religious or serious medical issues. For example, bringing
shrimp to a kosher household, or a loaf of wheat bread to a
celiac disease sufferer's kitchen (yes, I know someone who
cannot allow wheat flour into her house, suffering very
unpleasant symptoms otherwise). My nephew by marriage is Hindu,
and bringing a steak to a grill at his house would be clueless,
although he doesn't mind at a restaurant if everyone else orders
steak. At family gatherings, he will eat vegetables, and
sometimes poultry (chicken or turkey) and often brings a dish to
contribute to the meal. My husband and I are often the only ones
besides he and his wife to eat these dishes because even toned
down for an American palate, they do tend to be spicy, which the
rest of the family is not wild about.
Agreed, both sisters got a bit stroppy.
#Post#: 33462--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Andi_3k Date: June 25, 2019, 5:51 pm
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[quote author=Copper Horsewoman
link=topic=1185.msg33412#msg33412 date=1561473650]
The only reason not to honor a reasonable request (for me) would
be religious or serious medical issues. .
Agreed, both sisters got a bit [/quote] Interesting - I need
clarification here where’s do the host’s philosophies or beliefs
or just plain plans figure in ? If vegetarian/ Veganism is not
religiously base is it ok to bring steak- is it ok for the
vegetarian/ vegan to demand everyone eat their way Can the
vegetarian bring fish and demand it be cooked for them despite
the hosts objections? What about hosts who spend time, effort
and money to offer a dinner for their guests plan and invite
folks do the guests thenget to show up and say “ we’d prefer
this” and hand the host stuff to cook/bake? Where do the hosts
wants/needs fit in . There are things I won’t budge on, there
are thing and occasions I will —- all of my friends are the same
#Post#: 33465--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: June 25, 2019, 6:51 pm
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=1185.msg33462#msg33462
date=1561503113]
[quote author=Copper Horsewoman
link=topic=1185.msg33412#msg33412 date=1561473650]
The only reason not to honor a reasonable request (for me) would
be religious or serious medical issues. .
Agreed, both sisters got a bit [/quote] Interesting - I need
clarification here where’s do the host’s philosophies or beliefs
or just plain plans figure in ? If vegetarian/ Veganism is not
religiously base is it ok to bring steak- is it ok for the
vegetarian/ vegan to demand everyone eat their way Can the
vegetarian bring fish and demand it be cooked for them despite
the hosts objections? What about hosts who spend time, effort
and money to offer a dinner for their guests plan and invite
folks do the guests thenget to show up and say “ we’d prefer
this” and hand the host stuff to cook/bake? Where do the hosts
wants/needs fit in . There are things I won’t budge on, there
are thing and occasions I will —- all of my friends are the same
[/quote]
Well, the key words here are for me, which means I would respect
religious or medical issues. I will eat nearly anything that
doesn't leap off the plate and try to eat me first, and I don't
bring stuff to a dinner party that I would "demand" anyone to
fix for me. If some one I invited "demanded" that I cook any
particular thing, whether they provided it or "demanded" that I
procure it would be the last time I invited them anywhere,
period. Showing up without prior warning and having a
"preference" (we would prefer this, thanks) that they provided
would be an "it depends". No, I will not accept fifteen
ingredients and a complicated preparation of your "preferred"
food. No, I will not prepare live, still thrashing fish. A
bagged salad that just needs to be dumped in a bowl, OK, no
biggie.
When my husband had just had a stem cell transplant, if we went
to dinner at a friend's, I told them at the time of invitation
that I may need to bring prepared food for him, depending on
what they served (he had a long and unusual list of things he
could and could not eat, and certain preparation methods could
not be used). They were understanding, and either we figured
out what the friend could serve that we could all enjoy, let me
bring something I knew he could eat, or we postponed the get
together until his food restrictions were eased.
I have friends who are vegan/vegetarian/weird about certain
foods, but we know this in advance, and I will have something
for them to eat, but if I invite everyone to a BBQ, there will
be meat there. You don't have to eat it, but don't disparage
anyone who does.
One friend discovered that when she was newly expecting, certain
food aromas just set off her morning sickness, sometimes
unexpectedly. Example, she usually liked strawberries, but
suddenly she discovered the smell of them in a fruit salad set
her off. Removing the offending bowl to the kitchen and airing
the place out with open windows allowed her to stay, apologizing
profusely, but it was not a big problem (somebody else want
fruit salad? help yourself and eat it either in the kitchen or
out on the patio).
Again, these are the "for me" guidelines. YMMV.
#Post#: 33466--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
By: Hmmm Date: June 25, 2019, 7:28 pm
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=1185.msg33462#msg33462
date=1561503113]
[quote author=Copper Horsewoman
link=topic=1185.msg33412#msg33412 date=1561473650]
The only reason not to honor a reasonable request (for me) would
be religious or serious medical issues. .
Agreed, both sisters got a bit [/quote] Interesting - I need
clarification here where’s do the host’s philosophies or beliefs
or just plain plans figure in ? If vegetarian/ Veganism is not
religiously base is it ok to bring steak- is it ok for the
vegetarian/ vegan to demand everyone eat their way Can the
vegetarian bring fish and demand it be cooked for them despite
the hosts objections? What about hosts who spend time, effort
and money to offer a dinner for their guests plan and invite
folks do the guests thenget to show up and say “ we’d prefer
this” and hand the host stuff to cook/bake? Where do the hosts
wants/needs fit in . There are things I won’t budge on, there
are thing and occasions I will —- all of my friends are the same
[/quote]
I think we all have different definition of what a reasonable
request is.
No, I do not think showing up at a dinner and asking for
something to be cooked or baked is not a reasonable request to
me. (Unless it is homemade cookie dough, then I'm happy to have
some fresh baked cookies)
No, I do not think showing up with a steak and asking it to be
cooked in a vegetarian home is reasonable.
No, I do not think a guest gets to "demand" anything of a host.
But what are the host's responsibilities for ensuring they are
serving something that works for the guests? My kids are grown,
but until they were tweens, I don't remember going to anyone's
home for dinner that the hosts didn't give me an idea of the
menu and confirm it would work for the kids.
As far as the purchase of the shrimp, as I recounted, the guest
sister asked if it would be ok to bring shrimp to grill and host
sister agreed. She did not stipulate that they could only be
served as part of the main meal.
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