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#Post#: 32813--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: bopper
Date: June 13, 2019, 1:12 pm
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The Host sister is within her rights to control what her
children eat...but she should have said "No shrimp is necessary
for us/the kids" but thank you for offering.
When she started controlling what the guest sister was doing as
a nice gesture (providing a pricy appetizer for all) then she
went over the line.
#Post#: 32814--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: June 13, 2019, 1:19 pm
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Hmmm, I heard that call, and thought of this forum!
I agree that the caller should bend the rules for a special
occasion. As Dr. Laura said, nobody has ever died from only
eating appetizers.
The way that this would be a deal breaker for me would be if the
guest sister had a habit of constantly tinkering with the menu
after it had been agreed upon, shopped for and purchased, or
demanding special accommodations after the fact, e.g., kid
decides at the table that he won't eat chicken, and sister
demands that we whip up mac 'n' cheese. Using the same reasoning
above, he won't die from only eating the side dishes.
#Post#: 32818--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: caroled
Date: June 13, 2019, 1:41 pm
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Good gracious, but host sister seems to be way to rigid and
crossing into judgmental when it comes to how her sister feeds
her children. It wasn't as if guest sister was asking for
macaroni and cheese, or potatoes au gratin, pasta, fries, any
number of other carb heavy, calorie laden items ( as delicious
as they may be) that a lot of people serve as a side dish as
part of a meal. It was PEAS! I wouldn't have thought twice about
adding peas to the dinner along with the salad just for the sake
of options. We quite often serve salad and some other
vegetables, to stretch the meal and get another healthy item on
the menu because my 11 year old niece doesn't like salad, but
will eat green beans, carrots, broc, peas, corn, and loves baby
green lima beans( go figure).
As others have said, and was mentioned in the OP ( guest saying
host had been difficult all day), there seems to be a lot of
backstory we weren't made privy to.
#Post#: 32819--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: June 13, 2019, 1:52 pm
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Oh, brother -- or, perhaps, sister -- this woman sounds like a
real piece of work. And we are hearing the story from her own
point of view!
I am picturing Guest Sister saying something like, "It's Julia's
birthday that day, so I'd like to bring a cake," and Host Sister
refusing on the ground that Her Children aren't allowed to have
sweets.
If her family had some kind of serious issue like major allergy
or eating disorders that any menu changes could substantially
affect, there wouldn't be anything wrong with her saying
something like, "I'm really sorry, but we can't because ____."
But that doesn't seem to be the case.
This sure doesn't sound to me like it's about food at all.
#Post#: 32843--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: MiriamCatriona
Date: June 13, 2019, 4:58 pm
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I agree with everyone about Host being needlessly inflexible.
However, it also sounds like Guest invited herself (and
children) over for dinner. Then she asked Host to provide an
additional item not on the planned menu, instead of buying a bag
of peas and heating them up herself.
Neither comes off great.
#Post#: 32853--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: June 13, 2019, 6:08 pm
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--- Quote from: MiriamCatriona link ---
>
> I agree with everyone about Host being needlessly inflexible.
>
> However, it also sounds like Guest invited herself (and
children) over for dinner. Then she asked Host to provide an
additional item not on the planned menu, instead of buying a bag
of peas and heating them up herself.
>
> Neither comes off great.
>
--- End Quote ---
To me, it sounded like host sister invited guest sister,
children, and their mom to dinner. After the fight, host sister
told guest sister to take her shrimp and peas. So it sounds like
guest sister *did* buy peas?
I wonder if there's a transcript somewhere so we know the exact
words.
#Post#: 32867--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: June 14, 2019, 8:35 am
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--- Quote from: MiriamCatriona link ---
>
> I agree with everyone about Host being needlessly inflexible.
>
> However, it also sounds like Guest invited herself (and
children) over for dinner. Then she asked Host to provide an
additional item not on the planned menu, instead of buying a bag
of peas and heating them up herself.
>
> Neither comes off great.
>
--- End Quote ---
No, the host had planned for her family to come over to dinner
after going to her son's play that day. It also sounded like
guest sister purchased and brought the shrimp. I don't know if
visiting sister had the peas with her or host had them at her
house. If I recall correctly, I think host said "sister asked to
make peas for her kids" but it could have been she asked the
host to make peas, I can't remember. Either way, it didn't sound
like host wanted the peas served no matter where they came from
or who made them.
#Post#: 32883--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: June 14, 2019, 12:42 pm
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Host does sound weirdly inflexible. I don't think my kids were
ever confused if we had to temporarily change our regular
routine to accommodate guests. (or do things differently if we
were at someone else's house)
I'm wondering if this is more about the dynamic between the
sisters.
#Post#: 32887--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: June 14, 2019, 1:33 pm
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When I was a kid, we only got sweets and soda when guests come
over. If a guest (even family) make a reasonable request, they
got it. My parents would be horrified by this ungracious
behavior.
Children definitely know there's a difference when there are
guests.
I wondered about the dynamics between the sisters, but if she
wouldn't act this way with other guests (say, coworkers or
neighbors), why would she call a radio station? Makes me think
this is just how she is.
#Post#: 32891--------------------------------------------------
Re: House rules vs honoring a guests request
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: June 14, 2019, 2:16 pm
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Host sister was really rigid in this interaction. Children can
differentiate that there are different rules at different houses
and house rules in their home can change when guests are
present. I agree with everyone who said the shrimp were not a
"snack" but an appetizer. My MIL didn't want anyone spoiling
their appetite before dinner; she'd call and remind us to be
sure we came to her home hungry and didn't spoil our appetites
at our own home. So I considered this from her perspective, she
would have put out the shrimp as an appetizer and would not have
labeled them a "snack." She often had appetizers out on her
table. This is some other argument or issue playing out in this
arena. It's not about shrimp and peas.
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