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#Post#: 32754--------------------------------------------------
Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal, OP #9
By: jpcher Date: June 12, 2019, 6:00 pm
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I understand that this may be out of the norm but, if you
consider the story I don't think that it would be all that rude.
Wondering what you think?
DD#1 and her BFsam are flying back here from far away state
early in September for a wedding. They will only have Sunday to
spend with me and family. I originally thought about inviting
the extended family and friends for a get-together. DD#1 and
BFsam were happy with this.
Then I thought about BFsam's Mom (lovely woman) and with a large
crowd, how much quality time would she have to spend with her
son?
BFSmom has been to my home for several large family gatherings.
At one, she brought ingredients for an appetizer and sat at the
inside table with her son and DD#1, putting everything together,
while the rest of the guests were outside. When the app tray was
completed they came out and joined the the party.
At first, I thought that was a bit rude (what? you couldn't have
put everything together before you came?) but then I realized
Oh! private/quality time doing something together that they
enjoy without a large crowd involved.
So I decided (haven't told anyone yet ;)) that I'd like the one
day to be more of an intimate affair with only DD#1, BFsam,
DD#2, BFbob, BFSmom and me.
I know BFSmom loves cooking, and all the kids do as well, would
it be rude of me to suggest that BFSmom help in the prep of the
meal?
Should I ask her if she would like to take part in the menu
planning?
I would, of course, do the shopping and pay for groceries.
Thoughts?
#Post#: 32762--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: GardenGal Date: June 12, 2019, 7:01 pm
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I'm trying to picture how this would work with only the 6 of
you, and it does sound like a fun way to spend time together if
you all enjoy cooking. My approach would be to talk to DD#1
first (since it was the impending visit of her & BFSam that
prompted this gathering).
"Hey, DD#1, how about instead of having a big party while you
two are here, we have just the 6 of us for an intimate afternoon
of cooking together and catching up on what's been going on? We
could make a fun meal together and then eat it when we're done,
all very casual and relaxed. Do you think each of the 6 of us
would enjoy this, or would you prefer seeing more of the family
while you're visiting us?"
If DD#1 is enthusiastic, now is your chance to say "Great -
let's you and I plan the meal together over the next 2 months.
Do you want me to ask DD#2 and BFSam's mom what they'd like to
cook, or do you want to contact them? Once I get the recipes
for what you and other others will be making, I'll have fun
buying all the ingredients for the meal."
This gives DD#1 the option to be involved a little or a lot in
planning the meal, and makes it clear that you'll be buying all
the ingredients.
And if DD#1 would rather have the larger party, you seem to have
an excellent attitude on how to react if BFSam's mom comes and
preps her stuff together with him while the party is going on.
#Post#: 32764--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: Lilac Date: June 12, 2019, 7:07 pm
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I think your instincts are correct.
Maybe just say “I was planning to serve x; what do you think?
Anything else Sam would like?
They’ll be here at 2 so I figure I’ll start prepping around
12:30 if you feel like coming early to keep me company.”
Like it’s a fun MIL thing to do together.
#Post#: 32766--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: Lilac Date: June 12, 2019, 7:25 pm
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I think one of the problems with modern entertaining is that no
one will make an executive decision.
If jpcher wants to host an intimate family dinner she should do
so, not negotiate possible permutations. This isn’t a milestone
event like one of DD engagement or something where one might
reasonably expect guests to be consulted. It’s a quick family
visit.
Jp, you are fine to limit the guest list and to invite bfmom to
come early to enjoy a leisurely prep.
Where are your daughter & boyfriend staying the night of the
wedding?
#Post#: 32778--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: Aleko Date: June 13, 2019, 1:59 am
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I think it's absolutely fine to invite BSFmom to participate in
preparing the meal, especially as she has previously shown
herself willing to do that, and she clearly feels comfortable
enough with you to be counted as quasi-family. There's nothing
wrong with asking family and close friends to pitch in, so long
as they get advance notice, and don't turn up in their party
clothes expecting a restful time!
Once DH and I invited two pairs of close friends for the
weekend, and I promised them that I'd give them my famous potted
shrimps, but that there'd have to be a communal shrimp-shelling
for that to happen. (Note to Leftpondians: in Britain a shrimp
is a tiny crustacean no bigger than a fingernail even with its
shell on: any kind bigger than that is a prawn.) Shelling enough
shrimps to make even a tiny pot apiece would have taken me on my
own a whole afternoon; but with all six of us sitting round the
kitchen table with beer working at it while chatting sociably,
the job was soon done.
#Post#: 32820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: Gellchom Date: June 13, 2019, 2:18 pm
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I'd start by just suggesting the meal together. Let's say she
accepts. She may offer to bring something, at which point you
can decline, accept, or suggest the possibility of all cooking
together. Even if she doesn't offer, depending upon your
relationship, you might ask if she'd like to cook together --
trust your instincts.
But the important part is just getting together, even if you go
to a restaurant or order pizza and no one cooks.
#Post#: 32835--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: lakey Date: June 13, 2019, 4:16 pm
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I think it depends on how close you are and how well you know
her. I don't know if I would make an assumption that she'd enjoy
this just based on the one event with the appetizer. A couple of
other commenters have suggested telling BF's mom about the party
and who will be coming and see if she offers to help or to bring
something. That will tell you that she enjoys doing it.
#Post#: 32905--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: jpcher Date: June 14, 2019, 5:36 pm
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Thank you for your responses so far. To answer a few questions:
[quote author=Lilac link=topic=1184.msg32766#msg32766
date=1560385555]
Where are your daughter & boyfriend staying the night of the
wedding?
[/quote]
They fly in on Friday, will spend Fri & Sat nights with friends.
They will come to my home on Sunday then leave with BFSmom to
spend the night with her so that she could drive them to the
airport at 0'dark:thirty Monday AM. (Me? I'll get up at 3am,
give you hugs and kisses, then send you off in a cab that I'll
pay for. Is that wrong of me?)
Driving them to the airport at that time in the morning tells me
that she want's to spend as much time with her son as she can.
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1184.msg32820#msg32820
date=1560453485]
But the important part is just getting together, even if you go
to a restaurant or order pizza and no one cooks.
[/quote]
Very true.
The last weekend DD#1 and BFsam were in town, only a few weeks
ago, for another wedding (all their friends are getting married
::)) DD#1 and BFsam stayed with me (except for the wedding
days). We went out to dinner for DD#1's bday celebration and
BFSmom joined us. When bill time came, she offered to pay. I
said "No, but thank you. It's my Daughter's bday the treat is on
me." It ended with her paying the tip.
Aleko -- Thanks for your thoughts. I don't consider BFSmom to be
"quasi-family" because BFsam isn't quasi. He is family because
he is my DD#1's partner of choice. So BFSmom is family to me due
to her relationship with her son. Does that make sense?
eta: P.S. I'm not so concerned about the big family party
because DD#1 and BFsam will be here for Tgiving where there will
be 2 days of family get-to-gethers. Last year BFSmom attended
Tgiving dinner with our family, hosted by SIL. I know she will
be invited again this year for Tgiving.
#Post#: 33414--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: June 25, 2019, 10:19 am
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I think I don't have all the information, sorry if I missed
something critical.
How long did they take to prepare the dish? Five to ten minutes
would not be a significant time in a gathering of this sort.
How much of the hosts' kitchen was involved? A can opener for a
can of artichoke hearts? Or the stove top, a hand mixer, the
food processor and half a dozen mixing bowls?
I have brought both the serving platter/dish and the food in a
more compact travelling container to contribute to a gathering,
then quickly arranged the food on the serving dish, and if
something needed to be heated up before serving, asked the host
if I could use their microwave or a pot and a stove top burner
(having cleared that with them prior to the event). If the
heating option was not available, planned something else to
bring.
#Post#: 33463--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hosting and asking a guest to help prep the meal OP #9
By: jpcher Date: June 25, 2019, 6:13 pm
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To answer your questions, Copper Horsewoman, they were rolling
up fresh spring rolls. Philippine style. I don't remember all of
the ingredients, but know that one was shrimp and the other
variety was pork. The shrimp and pork were prepared, maybe some
chopping of other ingredients were involved. I provided a couple
of cutting boards, knives and a platter for the finished apps
and the platter was quite full when they brought it out, they
were awesomely delicious. Well received by everyone.
They spent maybe an hour+ assembling, and like I said in my OP
it was quiet quality time for BFSmom to spend with her son and
my daughter. I'll not fault her for this.
Plus, I just found out, DD#1 and BFsam are coming back here for
a family wedding in October! Along with their Tgiving trip,
there's plenty opportunity for them to spend with the extended
family.
So I would like to keep the Sept. one day that I'll see them to
a more intimate affair (Hey! I get quality time too! ;))
I like the idea of DD#1 spearheading this meal but I think I
know BFSmom well enough so that I could send her an email about
a month in advance saying something like
"I appreciate you coming here to pick up the 'kids' in order to
drive them to the airport. I was thinking about, instead of
going out to lunch, preparing something here (I would have to
come up with menu suggestions) where we could all participate in
the prep and cooking might be fun.
Please let me know your thoughts. If you have other ideas for a
menu? I'm open to suggestions."
What do you think about this wording?
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