DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 32079--------------------------------------------------
Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite avenues?
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: June 1, 2019, 3:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I was reading this story on Reddit the other day. In summary, a
31 year old man was at a bar-and-grill restaurant, and spotted a
young woman celebrating her 19th birthday with a group of
girlfriends (note: the man knew she was 19 because her birthday
cake had "19" written on it). The man thought the girls looked
cute, so went over to chat them up. After some initial polite
chit-chat and uncomfortable laughter (on the girls' part), they
didn't really want him hanging around anymore, so they tried to
wrap things up, by saying "thanks, bye", and returning to their
own conversation. Unfortunately, the man kept standing there,
interjecting himself into their conversation. They then tried
physically turning their backs on him, but he still stuck
around, talking to them. The birthday girl gave him a piece of
cake, and said, "Have a good night. Here's some cake for home."
The man's response was then to sit himself down in their booth,
and say "The night's just getting started!"
One of the women then told him: "Take a f***ing hint, R Kelly."
(In case anyone is unaware, R Kelly is a singer/songwriter who
has been accused of some very dodgy things in relation to
underage women).
The man got really offended, and tried to "explain" to the young
women that he was nothing like R Kelly, as everyone present was
an adult, and that they had no right to call him a predator.
Another of the girls told him to go away, and he finally did. As
he went, the girls laughed, and started singing "Ignition" (one
of R Kelly's songs). The man later posted an angry rant about it
all on Reddit, saying he felt humiliated. The birthday girl also
posted her side of the story on Reddit a few days later.
I found this story interesting, because while the girls were
rude (after all, it's generally rude to swear at someone,
compare them to a predator, and mock them as they walk away), I
reckon the girls had exhausted nearly all polite avenues, and it
had reached the point where rudeness was the only thing that
resulted in the man leaving. And I also think that their
rudeness paled on comparison to the man's own rudeness and sense
of entitlement.
(I say "nearly" exhausted, because I suppose the girls could
have asked a restaurant staff member to intervene. Or they could
have left the restaurant - but that would have meant spoiling
their own night out just to avoid being rude.)
What do you guys think? Is it ok to be rude if you've tried all
the polite ways, but they haven't worked? Or do you think it's
better to remove yourself from the situation (rather than be
rude) even if it means inconveniencing yourself?
#Post#: 32080--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: June 1, 2019, 4:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I found and read a quoted version of the man’s post. It looks
like the woman deleted most of her side of the story. But he
admitted his friend told him not to bother the women in the
first place, and then later his friend told him that the women
were uncomfortable and that they needed to leave them alone. He
even stayed after they very clearly wanted him gone.
He started out weird then crossed over into making them feel
unsafe and there was no reason for them to remain polite; they
had tried that.
The thing about being a woman with a man that won’t leave you
alone despite being told directly ... we generally have to use
our wits and words to get out of the situation. What’s right at
that point is whatever works.
#Post#: 32086--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: TeamBhakta
Date: June 1, 2019, 7:46 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't feel sympathy for a 31 year old man trolling for 19 year
olds ::)
#Post#: 32088--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: June 1, 2019, 8:12 am
---------------------------------------------------------
If someone could post a link, I'd appreciate it. I couldn't find
the post.
Yes, it is ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues. A person doesn't have to "give up" and let the rude
person take over and control the situation.
#Post#: 32089--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Hanna
Date: June 1, 2019, 8:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Isisnin link ---
>
> If someone could post a link, I'd appreciate it. I couldn't
find the post.
>
> Yes, it is ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues. A person doesn't have to "give up" and let the rude
person take over and control the situation.
>
--- End Quote ---
HTML https://www.scarymommy.com/reddit-creep-flirts-with-teenagers/
#Post#: 32091--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: June 1, 2019, 8:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yes it's ok to be rude or mean. They even bluntly told him to go
away and he stubbornly stood his ground. They were in a group so
probably felt safer but I would watch my back driving home. This
guy may not stalk or harm them but you never know about anyone.
It doesn't matter if the women were 18 or 40. Nobody (men or
women) have a right to be a creeper and force their presence on
others. The worse part is this guy still didn't think he did
anything wrong. Only what he wanted mattered, and felt the women
should feel how he wanted them to feel and act how he wanted
them to act. He wouldn't even listen to his friend.
#Post#: 32095--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: June 1, 2019, 9:47 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I got fixated on the age thing st first but really his behavior
is creepy inappropriate and rude no matter what the age of
people at that table might have been. He made an attempt to
join a party uninvited and ignored all polite attempts and even
direct requests to end the interaction. What a tool.
#Post#: 32096--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: June 1, 2019, 9:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Thank you Hmmmm. Interesting reading. The women said "Thank
you. bye." a few times and he still kept at them. The man's
friend tried to get him to leave a few times and he still kept
at them. Kudos to them for standing up to him
This type of thing is one thing from my youth I don't miss.
#Post#: 32097--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: Andi_3k
Date: June 1, 2019, 9:56 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In no way shape or form do women need to shut up and submit to
creeps. This is more than being rude when other avenues have
failed, it's not a business transaction with a snowfalke
pitching a fit to get a refund. It's women protecting themselves
and alerting others to a possible predetor.
Seriously? What 31 year old tries to crash a 19 year old's
birthday party? That's seriously weird.
There is no instance where I can think of where this would be
ok. And justifying tthat with "where all adults here" is nuts,
just because we're both doesn't give you the right to impose
yourself on me.
And the idea that a woman or girl needs to be nice to a male
who is making her uncomfortable,, especially after being TOLD by
at least two people that he's in the wrong and creepy is part of
what's wrong with the world. They had every right to do what
they had to get him to leave, I would have created a scene and
gotten staff involved long before this. The girls' safety is
more important than this guys pride. Especially since he's still
playing the victim card
#Post#: 32099--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it ok to be rude when you've exhausted all polite
avenues?
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: June 1, 2019, 12:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The girls were totally in the right to get him to leave by
whenever means necessary. I read his post and hers by climbing
the Twitter snapshots in the Scary Mommy link. They gave him a
piece of cake "for the road"!! How much more clear could that
be? His friend was telling him to leave. They were fed up and
probably feeling more than a little threatened. Good for them.
This was a safety trumps etiquette matter.
My DH had a perspective related to safety that is worth sharing.
He said the best strategy was a cold, firm "Please leave." Three
times. Then involve management. Because, in DH's perspective
getting spicy and getting the "upper hand" in the interaction
may escalate the creep and make the situation worse. Given the
creep's "I stood my ground" statement, there's evidence he's
right. DH thought it could go further than that and might
include the creep following them out.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 8
DIR Next Page