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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 31248--------------------------------------------------
"Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: May 16, 2019, 3:02 pm
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Miss Manners addressed one of my major pet peeves:
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2019/5/16/do-you-remember-me-is-always
Ugh, why do people do this? It's so obnoxious! I have often
said that if I ever am rolling in dough, I'm going to start a
foundation to stamp out this practice.
It's easy to think of snappy comebacks to this (and it's fun).
"No, but I'm sure I will now; I never forget people who groove
on putting others on the spot" springs to mind.
But I don't like to do snappy comebacks (except in my head or
later with friends or here!) -- and I struggle to come up with
something graceful to say that doesn't embarrass anyone,
including myself.
I make it a point to repeat my name to people, often as a cue
for them to give me theirs. But a distressing number just say,
"I know," and a few even get offended that I am implying that
they forgot me. It helps to zoom past it a little -- "Hi, good
to see you! [some small gesture like touching my chest]
Gellchom. Say, .... "
What are your suggestions for kind responses? (And, just for
fun, you can put any creative snappy answers you like!)
#Post#: 31249--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Lula
Date: May 16, 2019, 3:23 pm
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Miss Manners puts it very concisely: "While it is hurtful to be
forgotten, that is a reason not to challenge others’ memories."
#Post#: 31262--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Contrarian
Date: May 16, 2019, 4:32 pm
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When you keep repeating your own name, you are doing the hinting
thing. A lot of us don’t understand the language of hints, so
it’s all lost in translation, so to speak.
In my case, I don’t figure out what was happening until much
later, days, weeks, even months. And I’m so unfamiliar with it,
that when it happens again, hinting, I don’t recognize it even
enough to think, there is something else behind these words.
I can’t wait to see the suggestions though, because I’ve given
up.
At my current work place, where I’ve been for three years, I
have a lot of email conversations with people, but I don’t talk
to them face to face. So in three years I’ve had at the most one
face to face conversation with them.
I know who they are in the email world, but at the annual
general meetings when I’m only sitting at the front of the room
taking minutes, I have people waving and smiling and I always
have the “I’m trying to place you” look on my face. There is one
of me, and a hundred and twenty of them, out of that I have
email conversations with about twenty throughout the year, out
of that 5 actually visit the office.
So I know the five, but the other 15 have already decided that
I’m stand offish and unwelcoming, which they have told my bosses
based on my confused look when they wave to me in a crowd.
I tried once to approach someone who I handle emails from with
“You’re David aren’t you?” And he confirmed he was, in a very
huffy way, and walked away immediately.
I just accept their disappointment. I have no way of visiting
them, if they want face to face they have to come to the office,
but they choose not too. And I just can’t tell who they are when
I physically see them. It’s as though you walk into a cafe full
of people you’ve spoken too only online, and the individuals
expect you to know right away who they are, what you talked
about and what kind of treats their cat likes because they
mentioned that six months ago.
#Post#: 31266--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Hanna
Date: May 16, 2019, 4:40 pm
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I just say “I’m sorry I just can’t place you. How do we know one
another?”
I’m just terrible at the guessing game.
#Post#: 31280--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: kglory
Date: May 16, 2019, 7:25 pm
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I have a relative who has this problem - she's very bad at
putting a face with a name (or a memory).
The thing is, once the person with her says, "This is Judy from
temple' or "Hello, cousin Jane" - she immediately remembers
everything about that person and their relationship!
So just not being able to play the "do you know who I am" game
doesn't mean a person doesn't actually know who you are, or
doesn't care about you. That's why it's such an annoying thing
to do!
#Post#: 31281--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: kglory
Date: May 16, 2019, 7:25 pm
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delete. I made a mistake when trying to edit.
#Post#: 31286--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: May 16, 2019, 8:24 pm
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My mother has a version of this that's even worse. She'll
present me to a relative, usually an elderly one I haven't seen
in years, and say "Do you know who this is?" I give my name,
"NFPWife, RudeMama's daughter, it's wonderful to see you!"
I've asked her not to do this, but she persists.
When ppl do it to me, I say, "I'm sorry, I can't place you. When
did we see each other last?" I feel like it's such a rude move
that I feel no obligation to worry about the asker's feelings.
#Post#: 31289--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Dazi
Date: May 16, 2019, 10:02 pm
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That annoys me. I kind of have the opposite problem though. I'm
great at remembering faces and names, but I won't necessarily
connect HOW I know the person if they are out of context. I've
ran into this situation twice in so many months. Once was with
one of our clinical instructors...we clearly recognized each
other, knew each others names, and still after the entire
semester have NO damn idea where we know each other from. The
other lady, I finally figured out that we worked in the same
building about a decade ago for different agencies. We did all
think we were losing our minds though. ;D
I always hated the older relatives that you met like once when
you were like 2 and they expect you to remember them when you
are 30. Or I saw you once at a family wedding when I was 8 and I
haven't seen or spoken to you since and you think I should know
who the hell you are??? Like, really???
#Post#: 31291--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 16, 2019, 11:28 pm
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I've decided to not have any guilt about it anymore.
If you're going to put me on the spot like that, then you'll
just have to live with the sting of not being remembered.
And so I'll say, "I'm sorry, it's slipped my mind," or "Remind
me again--I'm getting older and names start to run together."
I admit I still feel bad sometimes, though, because my name is
really unusual, and I'm just a visible person; I talk a lot, I
speak up in meetings--it's really easy for people to know who I
am even if I've never spoken to them at all. And often I never
get told the names of people I have exchanges with.
And I've gotten stupider; I don't remember names as well as I
did.
#Post#: 31297--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Do you remember me? What's my name?"
DIR By: Aleko
Date: May 17, 2019, 1:51 am
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I have trouble remembering names, and I generally reckon the
best ploy is to be quite frank about that, e.g. "Sure, I
remember you, but I'm blowed if I can remember your name - it's
a family failing, we just can't keep names in our heads." This
is actually quite true: at a party my father once tried to
introduce his brother (and he only has one!) to a girl, and got
as far as "This is my brother . . . hey, what is your name?".
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