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#Post#: 31171--------------------------------------------------
when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 15, 2019, 9:04 pm
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LifeOnPluto's discussion of the dress that nearly was given away
(
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com/new-board/accidentally-giving-away-someone-else's-item-who-is-responsible/<br
/>) made me think of something that happened to me.
Now-DH and I were asked to be in the wedding of his cousin
(bride and I were quite friendly in the family). The bride chose
a dress that could be ordered from JCPenney or someone. She
ordered all of the dresses herself.
She told me she'd order it (I gave her the $75 in advance).
She rented the middle apartment in the 3-apt building my ILs
owned (they'd moved from there to a suburban house), and my DH
was living in the basement apartment; someone else lived in the
top-floor apartment. So she said, "I'll give the dress to him to
give to you."
So a little time goes by, and I asked my DH if she'd said
anything or given her anything. No, he says. I'm thinking it's
taking a little longer than I thought, but you know mail
order--it can take longer than you think. Plus I didn't know
when she was able to purchase it, since she was rounding up
money and sizes from five women. Plus I didn't have her phone
number or find it easy to get in touch (pre-Facebook).
Finally, I actually saw her and said, "what's up with the
dress?"
Didn't you get it? she screeched.
Apparently when it arrived, she had set it on the table at the
bottom of the stairs that was used for mail. (I don't remember
if it was in a box, or if it was loose in the plastic bag. She
never said anything to DH about it, and I asked her if she'd
written his name on it even--and I think she said no.
I was like, "How in the world did you think that was safe? You
couldn't keep it in your apt and stick a note on the door? Or
lean it against his door? Or just hold onto it until this family
gathering?"
Our assumption is that the woman on the top floor, or one of her
friends, took it home. I don't know if it sat there a few days
so that it looked abandoned (she was a flight attendant and
might have been away for a couple of days here and there).
She made a few comments about how she didn't have the $75 to buy
a replacement dress. I didn't say anything except a few
sympathetic murmurs.
I don't remember whether I suggested that she just not buy a
replacement, and that it was OK to cut me as a bridesmaid; I may
have indicated that.
I had a few moments of feeling bad, but *I* didn't have the $75
either! And I wasn't the one who had just left it on the hall
table with no specific communication about it.
She ended up replacing it, but I know it was sort of a sour
note.
(then again, my DH and I were the only people in the entire
wedding party--including the groom--who paid the tiniest bit of
attention to her on her wedding day, so it was $160 well spent)
So do you think I was wrong not to reimburse her?
#Post#: 31176--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: AvidReader
Date: May 15, 2019, 9:24 pm
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I'd say no, you were not under any obligation to reimburse the
cost of the replacement dress. As described, she said she'd
give it to your now-DH to pass to on you. There is a big
difference between handing something to someone and requesting
it be passed along to a third party and just leaving something
lying around. I can't imagine that many men would see a dress
draped over an entry table and ever think that they'd have
anything to do with it. The bride took the security risk of not
seeing that the dress got to you in good order and dang, if it
didn't sprout legs.
#Post#: 31187--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Star Wars Fan
Date: May 16, 2019, 12:08 am
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No I don't think you were wrong to not reimburse her. Her
leaving the dress where she did was mind bogglingly careless and
irresponsible, I just don't understand what she was thinking.
Wow. :o
Ed.
#Post#: 31195--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: May 16, 2019, 2:42 am
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Anyone who treats a parcel in such an idiotic way deserves to
find themselves having to buy a replacement. How was DH expected
to guess that this was left for him? Why should he even look at
a stray parcel, if he wasn't expecting an order of his own to
arrive?
(And it may not even have been stolen. Maybe someone seeing it
lie around for weeks finally put it out with the trash, or wrote
'return to sender'.)
#Post#: 31201--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: May 16, 2019, 8:01 am
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I would see it as somewhat similar to when I order something
online: if I arrive home to find something on my mat, great...
But I'd much rather have a card through the letterbox allowing
me to arrange a redelivery on a day I can be there.
I wouldn't feel at all bad about requesting a refund/replacement
from a company that chooses a carrier that just leaved a package
in full sight of any passerby; they get to eat the cost for
their carelessness. They could have charged me [directly or
indirectly] for a signed for delivery, but chose to have someone
just 'dump' an item.
I never know if that's what's happened when a package goes
missing, because none of my neighbours is likely to tell me "I
saw a parcel on your mat and I stole it" are they? All I know
is something I paid for didn't make it to me, and I will request
a refund/replacement.
#Post#: 31211--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Jem
Date: May 16, 2019, 9:39 am
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
>
> (then again, my DH and I were the only people in the entire
wedding party--including the groom--who paid the tiniest bit of
attention to her on her wedding day, so it was $160 well spent)
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? This confuses me.
#Post#: 31215--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: May 16, 2019, 10:08 am
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1139.msg31171#msg31171
date=1557972247]
>
> (then again, my DH and I were the only people in the entire
wedding party--including the groom--who paid the tiniest bit of
attention to her on her wedding day, so it was $160 well spent)
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? This confuses me.
[/quote]
I believe she is noting that while the bride spent some extra
money to be able to have the OP in the wedding, it was
ultimately worth it since the rest of the bridal party didn’t
pay much attention to the bride on the day of but OP made a
point of doing it. She would otherwise not have had much
support.
#Post#: 31217--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Jem
Date: May 16, 2019, 10:18 am
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--- Quote from: NyaChan link ---
>
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1139.msg31211#msg31211
date=1558017564]
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1139.msg31171#msg31171
date=1557972247]
>
> (then again, my DH and I were the only people in the entire
wedding party--including the groom--who paid the tiniest bit of
attention to her on her wedding day, so it was $160 well spent)
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? This confuses me.
[/quote]
I believe she is noting that while the bride spent some extra
money to be able to have the OP in the wedding, it was
ultimately worth it since the rest of the bridal party didn’t
pay much attention to the bride on the day of but OP made a
point of doing it. She would otherwise not have had much
support.
[/quote]
But why on earth would "no one" pay attention to the bride on
her wedding day, including her groom? It seems like the point of
the statement was to give the impression that the bride was an
awful person who had to pay for anyone to be kind to her,
including her own to-be-husband, which seems rather.....I don't
know....over the top? Why would people attend the wedding and
"not pay the tiniest bit of attention" to the bride?
#Post#: 31229--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: May 16, 2019, 12:48 pm
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1139.msg31215#msg31215
date=1558019335]
> [quote author=Jem link=topic=1139.msg31211#msg31211
date=1558017564]
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1139.msg31171#msg31171
date=1557972247]
>
> (then again, my DH and I were the only people in the entire
wedding party--including the groom--who paid the tiniest bit of
attention to her on her wedding day, so it was $160 well spent)
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Wait....what? This confuses me.
[/quote]
I believe she is noting that while the bride spent some extra
money to be able to have the OP in the wedding, it was
ultimately worth it since the rest of the bridal party didn’t
pay much attention to the bride on the day of but OP made a
point of doing it. She would otherwise not have had much
support.
[/quote]
But why on earth would "no one" pay attention to the bride on
her wedding day, including her groom? It seems like the point of
the statement was to give the impression that the bride was an
awful person who had to pay for anyone to be kind to her,
including her own to-be-husband, which seems rather.....I don't
know....over the top? Why would people attend the wedding and
"not pay the tiniest bit of attention" to the bride?
[/quote]
Add me to the list of people who would appreciate an
explanation.
#Post#: 31246--------------------------------------------------
Re: when an item disappears--who is responsible?
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: May 16, 2019, 2:48 pm
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I don't think that you were at all responsible. If the $75
hadn't been a substantial expense to you then, it would have
been extra-gracious to offer to split it or something, given how
expensive weddings are, and I guess also because bridesmaids in
the US usually pay for their own dresses anyway, and most of all
because it's a future relative, so investing in good feelings
pays off. Similarly, your then-boyfriend could have made a
similar gesture, because of his role in the story, but again,
given that she never even said anything to him or put his or
your name on the dress, definitely not obligated. What was she
thinking?!
But I definitely don't think that either of you were obligated
to do so or that anyone should expect it. It would have been a
lovely and generous gift, but not your responsibility. You were
fine.
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