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#Post#: 32332--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 4, 2019, 8:06 pm
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I might soften it by saying, "I'm happy to be a friendly
acquaintance" or "I'm happy to exchange friendly hellos."
#Post#: 32338--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: Victoria
Date: June 4, 2019, 9:32 pm
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--- Quote from: Star Wars Fan link ---
>
> [quote author=Victoria link=topic=1122.msg32302#msg32302
date=1559673739]
> [quote author=peony link=topic=1122.msg32300#msg32300
date=1559673061]
> Instead of saying outright "I don't want to be friends," it
could be couched in gentler terms:
> "I need to save my breath for these exercises, I can't talk
right now!" pant pant
> "Lately I have had so many demands on my time that it's next
to impossible for me to get together with friends and family.
Thanks for being so understanding."
>
--- End Quote ---
There's a fine line between establishing lasting boundaries
(needing to save breath and not being able to talk "right now"
are temporary boundaries) and being unnecessarily harsh. I like
your last option but I wouldn't even use any qualifiers like
"lately" that imply a temporary state. It will still sting, but
it's not a judgment about them the way "I don't want to be
friends" is, it's a statement about yourself.
I know that "It's not you, it's me" is an old cliche, but if
someone said they had too many demands on their time or that
their life was chaotic and they appreciated my understanding, I
would walk away feeling better about myself than "I don't want
to be friends."
[/quote]
I don't see anything wrong with telling somebody "I don't want
to be friends" (So we'll just have to agree to disagree). I'm
sure we've all had it said to us at one time or another. I know
I have and yeah at the time it hurt. But then you get over it
and move on and find some other people to be friends with. If
one person telling you that they don't want to be friends with
you is that upsetting to you then I think you have bigger
problems to worry about.
Ed. ETA: Because really in the end I'd rather know that
somebody didn't like me and didn't want to be friends with me
rather than me wasting my time trying to make
friends with them when that's not going to happen.
[/quote]
My point is that the end result should be the same. The person
should know you aren't interested at all in spending time with
them, you've just phrased it differently. If the message isn't
clear to you after hearing "I have too many demands on my time
and I just won't be able to do that, thanks for being
understanding," then you probably do need to hear "I don't want
to be friends."
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