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#Post#: 30871--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: malfoyfan13
Date: May 11, 2019, 1:12 am
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Jane said sometimes Lucy interrupts her while she's swimming in
the lane and sometimes it's during water exercises that a group
of them do. Lucy just apparently talks non-stop. Other people
that are there at the same time might make a quick comment or
something, but they don't start conversations, since they're all
trying to get in their workout and get going to work or back
home like Jane. Lucy just doesn't stop and that's why I told
Jane she is probably going to have to be a little more direct if
she wants to avoid the chatting.
She really doesn't want to be mean about it, she just wants her
time in the pool to be peaceful, since it's her only "me time"
right now. Her life is somewhat chaotic because of her husband
being ill and she also is dealing with some other family issues,
so she's fairly stressed out. I don't know when all this stuff
with Lucy started but before this Jane was really enjoying her
time at the pool since it is the only type of exercise she can
do, due to her own health issues.
#Post#: 30872--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: LadyX
Date: May 11, 2019, 2:15 am
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--- Quote from: malfoyfan13 link ---
>
> Jane said sometimes Lucy interrupts her while she's swimming
in the lane and sometimes it's during water exercises that a
group of them do. Lucy just apparently talks non-stop. Other
people that are there at the same time might make a quick
comment or something, but they don't start conversations, since
they're all trying to get in their workout and get going to work
or back home like Jane. Lucy just doesn't stop and that's why I
told Jane she is probably going to have to be a little more
direct if she wants to avoid the chatting.
>
> She really doesn't want to be mean about it, she just wants
her time in the pool to be peaceful, since it's her only "me
time" right now. Her life is somewhat chaotic because of her
husband being ill and she also is dealing with some other family
issues, so she's fairly stressed out. I don't know when all
this stuff with Lucy started but before this Jane was really
enjoying her time at the pool since it is the only type of
exercise she can do, due to her own health issues.
>
--- End Quote ---
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That was post #30,000!!!
And on our 1 year anniversary!
#Post#: 30876--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: May 11, 2019, 8:01 am
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--- Quote from: malfoyfan13 link ---
>
> Jane said sometimes Lucy interrupts her while she's swimming
in the lane and sometimes it's during water exercises that a
group of them do. Lucy just apparently talks non-stop. Other
people that are there at the same time might make a quick
comment or something, but they don't start conversations, since
they're all trying to get in their workout and get going to work
or back home like Jane. Lucy just doesn't stop and that's why I
told Jane she is probably going to have to be a little more
direct if she wants to avoid the chatting.
>
> She really doesn't want to be mean about it, she just wants
her time in the pool to be peaceful, since it's her only "me
time" right now. Her life is somewhat chaotic because of her
husband being ill and she also is dealing with some other family
issues, so she's fairly stressed out. I don't know when all
this stuff with Lucy started but before this Jane was really
enjoying her time at the pool since it is the only type of
exercise she can do, due to her own health issues.
>
--- End Quote ---
I don't think there's going to be a way to get Lucy to stop
without hurting her feelings. Jane needs to use her words, "I
don't want to have a conversation while I'm exercising, I like
to concentrate on my form", "Lucy, remember I don't want to
have a conversation right now", and then ignore her and/or swim
away.
#Post#: 30877--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: Jem
Date: May 11, 2019, 8:55 am
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Yeah, I think she needs to talk with her actions. Just continue
to swim.
#Post#: 30893--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: LadyCap
Date: May 11, 2019, 6:37 pm
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Jane has such good (true) excuses to use. Said with a cheerful
smile, the "keep my heartrate up for my health" and "I need to
get back to my husband" should work without Jane feeling like
she's being cruel. --And I love the idea of the colorful
earplugs!
The teacher should be the one curbing too much chit-chat in the
water exercise class. I wonder if Jane could ask *her* to give a
general note to the whole class sometime? It depends on the
culture of the class though. If there's loud music and a teacher
with a microphone headset shouting directions, I doubt that'll
work.
#Post#: 30903--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: Raintree
Date: May 12, 2019, 2:09 am
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Oh my goodness, sounds awful. I would probably have to switch
pools over this!!
I like to swim, and might engage in a brief conversation with
others at the end of the lane as we all pause for breath. But
you don't go pursuing people for the rest of their swim, and
into the change room! If I want new friends, I join social
functions, volunteer, etc. It just isn't going to happen at a
pool or where others are exercising and having their "me" time.
I think the only other option if there is no other pool nearby
is to say, "Sorry, I don't like to stop and talk mid-swim" and
then afterwards, I do like the PP's suggestion of saying "Lucy,
it's kind of you to invite me but at the moment I don't have the
time for extra social outings" or something like that.
#Post#: 30969--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: bopper
Date: May 13, 2019, 1:34 pm
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Another idea:
"I've noticed that you keep inviting me to lunch and it occurs
to me that you are trying to strike up a friendship! I am so
sorry but that is not something I can do. I have limited time
for myself away from my husband... so I ask that you stop trying
to talk to me during exercise and I will have to run off right
afterwards."
#Post#: 31069--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: May 14, 2019, 1:52 pm
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Besides not wanting to be mean, Jane probably would want to
avoid anything too harsh along the lines of "I don't want to be
your friend" because she will continue to see Lucy at the pool.
That will be incredibly uncomfortable for both Lucy and Jane,
and possibly even for others who know about the situation, if
Jane has Dropped the Big One. If I were Jane (let alone if I
were Lucy), that would make me dread going to the pool.
#Post#: 31082--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: May 14, 2019, 3:23 pm
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--- Quote from: Gellchom link ---
>
> Besides not wanting to be mean, Jane probably would want to
avoid anything too harsh along the lines of "I don't want to be
your friend" because she will continue to see Lucy at the pool.
That will be incredibly uncomfortable for both Lucy and Jane,
and possibly even for others who know about the situation, if
Jane has Dropped the Big One. If I were Jane (let alone if I
were Lucy), that would make me dread going to the pool.
>
--- End Quote ---
Agree. I think Jane shouldn't go to the hard line because she's
been entertaining Lucy. To go from chatting with Lucy and
"paying off" her behavior to setting a hard boundary is really
jarring. That's why I recommended a progressive response.
#Post#: 31174--------------------------------------------------
Re: People who "glom onto" you - what to do?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 15, 2019, 9:12 pm
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"It's nice to be in the class with you, Lucy, but I need to ask
you to stop talking to me during class. I just can't handle that
distraction. I'll remind you if you forget."
Then: "Lucy, don't talk!"
If there's a class, ask the instructor to specifically instruct
Lucy to not talk.
And maybe even, "I'm going to stand over here away from you so
you aren't tempted to talk to me during class. I need to get
away from the distraction."
(note: it's not "get away from YOU")
And then, in the locker room after, "I'm sorry, Lucy, I'm
finding I need less chatting in the locker room."
And maybe even, yes, "You've asked me to lunch a few times, and
I thought I owe it to you to say that I won't be able to do
that. It's a very nice overture, but unfortunately I'm pretty
busy with family and friends, plus my husband isn't well. So I'd
appreciate it if you wouldn't ask again. It's so awkward to have
to keep saying no, and I would hate to end up hurting your
feelings."
You can choose wording that isn't "I don't want to be friends
with you."
But yes, at some point Jan eis going to have to be direct (not
the same as blunt.)
Phrases like "I'm going to need..." or "I find I need..." or
"unfortunately,"
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