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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 30568--------------------------------------------------
Hand-me-down Raffle
By: Mara Jade Date: May 6, 2019, 4:31 pm
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Three days ago, a friend posted on her facebook page that she
had 4T clothes to give away. I quickly responded, "I need 4T!".
The facebook friend followed up with a question about shoe size
to which I responded. One other person commented they needed to
ask what size someone is, but that was it.
There wasn't any follow-up discussion on the thread, and I made
an off-handed comment to a mutual friend in person that I was
worried I had "lost". (Facebook Friend had found someone closer
to her to give them to or someone she thought needed the clothes
more.) Bummer for me, I could really use them.
Mutual friend texted me this morning that she followed up with
facebook friend, and facebook friend has a poor cousin moving
into the area she had forgotten about so they get the goods.
Facebook friend hasn't updated the thread.
Well hey, that hurts my feelings a little bit and its confusing.
Is there still a chance, should I wait? But I understand wanting
to help family first, and not wanting to embarrass anyone.
Should I:
1. Drop it, move on
2. Reply to facebook post asking for an update
3. Contact facebook friend privately ask her to update the
thread
Thanks.
#Post#: 30570--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: lakey Date: May 6, 2019, 5:30 pm
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It looks like Facebook Friend found someone who she felt, due to
financial problems, needed the clothes more. I think it would be
okay for you to pick number 2, but I'm not sure what that would
accomplish. It would have been nice if she had updated you, but
sometimes people don't like delivering bad news.
#Post#: 30572--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: MOM21SON Date: May 6, 2019, 5:37 pm
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I am sorry that happened to you.
I would move on.
Unfortunately things like this happen all the time when people
post free things. I would not be surprised if the friend had so
many private messages that she said screw it, and took them off
to goodwill.
I used to help moderate a yard sale FB page, I just can't even
tell you how many people want to just get something cuz it is
free.
In my nextdoor app, someone was looking for free flower pots. I
have several big ones, I said sure, come get them. My
notifications were blown up with, what size are they, what
colors?, can I be nex?, I can come now. lol. All different
people!
The damn flower pots are still sitting here. The first person
that asked texted me sunday night to tell me she had a migraine
Saturday and could she come later this week I will be taking
them to goodwill on my day off.
#Post#: 30576--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: OnyxBird Date: May 6, 2019, 5:47 pm
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1. Drop it, move on
This is someone choosing to give away her own stuff, and she
gets to choose who she wants to give them to with no obligation
to give them to the first person who responds.
Yes, it would be nice and helpful to update her post to explain
that she'd found a home for the items and they were no longer
available. However, realistically, she will presumably contact
whoever she decides to give them to (either in the thread or
privately) to make arrangements to hand them off, so if she
doesn't get in touch with you, then practically speaking, you
have your answer.
That being said, it's only been three days, and getting rid of
unneeded clothes usually isn't urgent for the giver--it's
possible she hasn't made a final decision yet, and she might
still offer some to you when she does. Even if her cousin gets
first chance at them, she may not need/want all of them. Since
she's the giver, the timetable is really up to her. If you have
a pressing need for new 4T clothes right now, then I would
suggest either proceeding as if she never posted and get what
you need or get a few items and wait a couple of weeks to see if
she ends up offering any of the stuff to you before getting the
rest. It probably wouldn't be inappropriate to ask in the thread
if she'd already found homes for everything just to check before
you bought what you needed, but personally I think 3 days is
awfully soon for that--someone doing a favor by offering free
stuff reasonably ought to be able to deal with it when it's
convenient for them, even if that is slower than is convenient
for the (potential) recipients. (After all, potential recipients
on a tighter schedule can always opt out and proceed however
they would have without the offer.)
#Post#: 30579--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: katiekat2009 Date: May 6, 2019, 7:33 pm
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I would ask her to update the thread so everyone could see how
tacky she handled this.
#Post#: 30593--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: LadyRexall Date: May 7, 2019, 7:59 am
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You may have been the first one to post, but I’ve seen this
where instead of replying, someone will pm me instead. Maybe you
weren’t actually the first. That being said, it’s always nice if
someone updates or closes the thread but really, they’ll manage
their fb page how they see fit. I think you’ve gotten your
update through friend. If you feel it necessary to say
something, ask in a private message. It’s only been 3 days.
#Post#: 30594--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: Hmmm Date: May 7, 2019, 8:07 am
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I would drop it. She did not make a commitment to you to give
you the clothes. She offered and you expressed interest. She
then decided to take another approach. Yes, it would have been
nice if she had let you know that she decided to go another way
but I don't think it was terrible of her to not do so.
What is the purpose of her updating the FB thread? I doubt
another friend of hers is going to run across it in a few days
and reach out to her about it, but if they do, she can address
it with them.
#Post#: 30595--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: IWish Date: May 7, 2019, 8:28 am
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FB friend probably thinks she already HAS responded to you,
albeit indirectly, by responding to your mutual friend's query
on your behalf. I would definitely drop it, with no hard
feelings.
#Post#: 30606--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: Copper Horsewoman Date: May 7, 2019, 11:58 am
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In a local FB page, we often have "i have (item) to give away.
First one to come pick it up gets it, it's on the front porch"
Or, at the curb, or etc. The advantage is that if you wanted
that item(s), you could readily see if it was already gone, and
not have to contact the giver, and no hard feelings. A box or
bag of clothes on a covered front porch would be protected yet
visibly available. Some people got very tired of "Save that for
me! I'll be by next week sometime!". Which means the twelfth of
never sometimes.
#Post#: 30610--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hand-me-down Raffle
By: lakey Date: May 7, 2019, 1:08 pm
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I've found that the simplest thing is to set things near the
curb with a big sign that says "free". They're usually gone
within a couple of hours. This way you don't have to bother with
Facebook inquiries, questions, expectations, scheduling, or
direct contact with strangers.
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