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#Post#: 30765--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: wolfie Date: May 9, 2019, 12:54 pm
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1119.msg30683#msg30683
date=1557345217]
I guess I could kinda see something like this if, say, the
ceremony were in a hospital room or a City Hall office that only
allows, like, 4 people at a time or something. But for no other
reason than lack of blood relationship to the HC? Honestly,
that's so strange that it almost goes beyond offensive to the
"too Just Plain Nuts to be personally offensive" zone.
Especially if the LW isn't the only one affected. Still not
okay, but not something I would boycott a sibling's wedding over
if I were the husband. In his place, I'd try hard to talk the
HC out of it, and if that doesn't work, then probably not bring
the kids to the ceremony, either. And buy my wife a nice
present.
I guess something similar must happen at weddings in faiths that
don't allow non-adherents to attend the rituals. Also not
something to take personally, I suppose. Would you boycott in
that situation, where you and your kids are adherents but your
spouse isn't? Maybe some people would.
[/quote]
It's a different situation. in one the person who is getting
married says I don't want these people to witness my wedding
because they are not family. In the other the place itself says
"only people who are of X faith can enter" I assume with anyone
who is that religious that they get married in places like that
(because there aren't many of them) family isn't surprised that
they are getting married in that place and are expecting it.
#Post#: 30792--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: lisastitch Date: May 9, 2019, 5:26 pm
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[quote author=wolfie link=topic=1119.msg30765#msg30765
date=1557424497]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1119.msg30683#msg30683
date=1557345217]
I guess I could kinda see something like this if, say, the
ceremony were in a hospital room or a City Hall office that only
allows, like, 4 people at a time or something. But for no other
reason than lack of blood relationship to the HC? Honestly,
that's so strange that it almost goes beyond offensive to the
"too Just Plain Nuts to be personally offensive" zone.
Especially if the LW isn't the only one affected. Still not
okay, but not something I would boycott a sibling's wedding over
if I were the husband. In his place, I'd try hard to talk the
HC out of it, and if that doesn't work, then probably not bring
the kids to the ceremony, either. And buy my wife a nice
present.
I guess something similar must happen at weddings in faiths that
don't allow non-adherents to attend the rituals. Also not
something to take personally, I suppose. Would you boycott in
that situation, where you and your kids are adherents but your
spouse isn't? Maybe some people would.
[/quote]
It's a different situation. in one the person who is getting
married says I don't want these people to witness my wedding
because they are not family. In the other the place itself says
"only people who are of X faith can enter" I assume with anyone
who is that religious that they get married in places like that
(because there aren't many of them) family isn't surprised that
they are getting married in that place and are expecting it.
[/quote]
And if you are married to someone of that faith while not of
that faith yourself, you know that you will not be able to
attend the ceremony because you know how the faith works.
#Post#: 30796--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Rose Red Date: May 9, 2019, 7:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lisastitch link=topic=1119.msg30792#msg30792
date=1557440778]
[quote author=wolfie link=topic=1119.msg30765#msg30765
date=1557424497]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1119.msg30683#msg30683
date=1557345217]
I guess I could kinda see something like this if, say, the
ceremony were in a hospital room or a City Hall office that only
allows, like, 4 people at a time or something. But for no other
reason than lack of blood relationship to the HC? Honestly,
that's so strange that it almost goes beyond offensive to the
"too Just Plain Nuts to be personally offensive" zone.
Especially if the LW isn't the only one affected. Still not
okay, but not something I would boycott a sibling's wedding over
if I were the husband. In his place, I'd try hard to talk the
HC out of it, and if that doesn't work, then probably not bring
the kids to the ceremony, either. And buy my wife a nice
present.
I guess something similar must happen at weddings in faiths that
don't allow non-adherents to attend the rituals. Also not
something to take personally, I suppose. Would you boycott in
that situation, where you and your kids are adherents but your
spouse isn't? Maybe some people would.
[/quote]
It's a different situation. in one the person who is getting
married says I don't want these people to witness my wedding
because they are not family. In the other the place itself says
"only people who are of X faith can enter" I assume with anyone
who is that religious that they get married in places like that
(because there aren't many of them) family isn't surprised that
they are getting married in that place and are expecting it.
[/quote]
And if you are married to someone of that faith while not of
that faith yourself, you know that you will not be able to
attend the ceremony because you know how the faith works.
[/quote]
Yup.. Medical and religious reasons are completely different
than what is described in the OP.
#Post#: 30810--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Aleko Date: May 10, 2019, 2:08 am
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Agree. A person's religion is a given. If you want them in your
life as a spouse / friend / relative, you have to agree to
accept it as part of the package, even if you don't care for its
tenets and the way it may exclude you. Certainly you have no
right to take offence.
#Post#: 30834--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Gellchom Date: May 10, 2019, 11:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Oh, yeah, I wasn't saying that I think the situations are
comparable. That (and the hospital room type situation) were
the only other situations in which I could envision spouses not
being invited, and those are both usually just fine. This is
just weird. I wonder if there is something we aren't told.
#Post#: 30982--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Twik Date: May 13, 2019, 3:21 pm
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The biggest problem is that the message sent is "MY wedding is
important to celebrate. But YOUR marriage is so trivial I don't
consider your spouse really 'family.'"
If I were nasty, I might write back that I didn't see the need
to travel to see her go through some sort of ceremony with
someone who wasn't part of our family.
#Post#: 30986--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Chez Miriam Date: May 13, 2019, 3:34 pm
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=1119.msg30982#msg30982
date=1557778869]
The biggest problem is that the message sent is "MY wedding is
important to celebrate. But YOUR marriage is so trivial I don't
consider your spouse really 'family.'"
If I were nasty, I might write back that I didn't see the need
to travel to see her go through some sort of ceremony with
someone who wasn't part of our family.
[/quote]
I think that's the sort of letter that should be written, but
never sent. If [general] you know that a letter is only
destined for burning, you can make it as preposterous as you
like, and it may serve to diffuse the very real and justified
feelings of hurt, at this ridiculous and toxic diktat.
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