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#Post#: 30550--------------------------------------------------
Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: iolaus Date: May 6, 2019, 11:55 am
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Saw this on another forum
HTML https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3578126-DH-DC-invited-to-sisters-wedding-I-m-not
The writers husband's sister is getting married - and the sister
has invited her brother and the three children (aged between 2
and 7) to the wedding but the SIL only to the evening.
When the husband queried it his sister said she only wants 'real
family' at the wedding
As far as the OP writes there was no issues between them that
she knew about, not friends as in spending time together alone
but get on
What are everyone's thoughts
PS from reading the replies on the thread the OP has said her
MIL has since contacted her (after her son rang her to ask about
it) saying she knew nothing about it and sees her as a daughter,
she is family etc - and her husband has said none of them are
going if thats how his sister is being
#Post#: 30551--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Hanna Date: May 6, 2019, 12:13 pm
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In the husband’s shoes I’d decline “due to a prior obligation”
and send a card. That’s jaw-droppingly cruel to the entire
family, including her own parents. Likely to cause a rift.
#Post#: 30552--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Rose Red Date: May 6, 2019, 12:27 pm
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"Oh, so Bob (your husband-to-be) is not considered "real family"
for all future family gatherings? Noted."
#Post#: 30553--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: NyaChan Date: May 6, 2019, 12:37 pm
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1119.msg30552#msg30552
date=1557163625]
"Oh, so Bob (your husband-to-be) is not considered "real family"
for all future family gatherings? Noted."
[/quote]
This is exactly what I was thinking!!! Lol. Better let the poor
groom know that he is not real family
#Post#: 30555--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: Rose Red Date: May 6, 2019, 12:53 pm
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1119.msg30553#msg30553
date=1557164258]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1119.msg30552#msg30552
date=1557163625]
"Oh, so Bob (your husband-to-be) is not considered "real family"
for all future family gatherings? Noted."
[/quote]
This is exactly what I was thinking!!! Lol. Better let the poor
groom know that he is not real family
[/quote]
Also, someone should ask how she'll feel when her husband's
"real family" leave her out while he and their future children
are welcome. She'll be completely understanding, I'm sure ::)
#Post#: 30573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: HenrysMom Date: May 6, 2019, 5:38 pm
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My question would be “is the groom or his family invited? After
all they’re not “real” family either.”
#Post#: 30574--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: lakey Date: May 6, 2019, 5:38 pm
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I think the parents of the bride need to have a talk with their
daughter. Is she applying this standard to the groom's family?
She's creating some real family problems. I think the husband is
right to not attend without his wife.
#Post#: 30651--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: LifeOnPluto Date: May 8, 2019, 6:51 am
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This is really odd! The Bride is definitely being rude in
excluding her sister-in-law (in the absence of any toxicity
between them, etc).
Others may disagree, but if I were in the LW's shoes, and the
Bride didn't change her mind, I'd still encourage my husband to
go to the ceremony (but the kids and I would skip it). It is his
sister after all, and his not attending could have major
ramifications for their future relationship (as in, she might
never speak to him again if he didn't attend). Unless he was
really prepared to completely lose his sister, I'd encourage him
to attend.
#Post#: 30653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: STiG Date: May 8, 2019, 8:05 am
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Wow...
So if the wedding is out of town, the SIL is supposed to go
twiddle her thumbs somewhere during the ceremony? Or if it is
in town, they end up having two vehicles at the reception? Or
the husband has to load up the three kids back into the car and
go pick her up? Just logistically, it's a nightmare, never mind
relationshipwise.
If it is out of town, I'd send my husband on his own and the
kids and I would stay home, if he wanted to go. If it is in
town, either we all skip the ceremony and go to the reception or
we all skip it completely. If sister backtracks, we'd all go to
everything. But the relationship would be irreparably harmed,
IMO. Yes, we'd continue to socialize, etc. as we always did,
but in the back of my mind, I'd always know that she doesn't
consider me to be family and my interactions with her would be
coloured by that.
#Post#: 30660--------------------------------------------------
Re: Spouse not invited to siblings wedding
By: wolfie Date: May 8, 2019, 9:14 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1119.msg30651#msg30651
date=1557316281]
This is really odd! The Bride is definitely being rude in
excluding her sister-in-law (in the absence of any toxicity
between them, etc).
Others may disagree, but if I were in the LW's shoes, and the
Bride didn't change her mind, I'd still encourage my husband to
go to the ceremony (but the kids and I would skip it). It is his
sister after all, and his not attending could have major
ramifications for their future relationship (as in, she might
never speak to him again if he didn't attend). Unless he was
really prepared to completely lose his sister, I'd encourage him
to attend.
[/quote]
The sister not inviting the spouse because she isn't really
family already is major ramifications for their future
relationship. If that was my sister I would be considering if I
ever want to talk to her again.
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