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#Post#: 30427--------------------------------------------------
Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: May 3, 2019, 11:52 pm
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I read this "Modern Life" type column in my local paper last
weekend, and thought it posted a potential interesting etiquette
dilemma. I've summarised the situation below - noting that
"Charlotte" was the author of the column.
1. Alice borrows a dress from her friend Betty. For various
reasons (including geography, busy lives, etc), Alice and Betty
cannot settle upon a place and time for Alice to return the
dress to Betty. So Alice hits upon a solution - she will drop
off the dress at her friend Charlotte's house, and Betty will
make arrangements with Charlotte to pick it up from there.
(Charlotte lives halfway between Alice and Betty's houses).
Betty agrees to this arrangement.
2. Next time she sees Charlotte, Alice gives her the dress, and
asks whether Charlotte would mind holding it for Betty.
Charlotte agrees.
3. Several months pass, during which Betty makes no effort to
get in touch with Charlotte to pick up her dress.
4. By this time, Charlotte - who also has a busy life, etc - has
completely forgotten about Alice's request. She is decluttering
her home, and bags up a bunch of stuff to donate to the local
charity store... including Betty's dress! (Charlotte does see
the dress, but assumes it's one that she bought herself, years
ago).
5. Literally the day after Charlotte drops the items off at the
charity story, Betty emails Charlotte, and asks if she can come
pick up her dress.
6. Cue panic from Charlotte.
Now luckily, the author went on to say that she managed to
contact the charity, and retrieve the dress before it was
sold/shipped to their central warehouse, and Betty was none the
wiser. But I was wondering - if Charlotte hadn't been able to
retrieve Betty's dress, would she have been liable to reimburse
Betty the cost of the dress? Does Alice share any of the
responsibility (and note - the author also mentioned that in her
panic after realising she'd given Betty's dress to charity, she
phoned Alice to tell her what happened, and Alice's response was
basically "Oh dear. This is all on you."). Or does Betty share
any of the blame for letting several months pass before
contacting Charlotte to get her dress?
#Post#: 30428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: Amara
Date: May 4, 2019, 12:20 am
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To me, the responsibility for returning the borrowed dress is
all on Alice. Betty gave Alice a great gift by lending her the
dress, and I find it insulting that Alice can't even be bothered
to return it. If I were Betty, I'd want to know what happened,
then thank Charlotte and resolve to never, never, ever lend
Alice anything, not even a slice of bread.
It's all Alice's fault.
#Post#: 30429--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: May 4, 2019, 12:38 am
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This is all on Betty--it's her dress!
And Alice only came up with an alternate solution because they
weren't able to connect for her to return it directly to her.
She probably should have just sent it by mail.
But once Betty agrees to have Charlotte be an intermediary, then
it's Betty's responsibility to retrieve the dress. It might not
seem fair because she did do a favor by loaning it out in the
first place. But, ultimately, it's her property and so it's her
responsibility to get it back.
#Post#: 30436--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: May 4, 2019, 5:58 am
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How hard and how expensive is it to pack up a dress and send it
by post or via a courier? If Alice couldn't find a convenient
time to bring it back personally she should simply have done
that. That would still surely have cost her a lot less than the
hire of a special-occasion outfit would have done. She shouldn't
have suggested lumbering Charlotte with it.
But, once Betty had agreed to that arrangement, I agree that it
was totally on her to pick it up within a reasonable time, and
not leave Charlotte holding the baby indefinitely, so to speak.
I can't see how Alice could or should have checked up on whether
she had done so, or chivvied her if she didn't.
#Post#: 30437--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: May 4, 2019, 6:45 am
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Everyone dropped the ball.
Alice borrowed the item and it’s on her to take it back or mail.
It shouldn’t have come to this.
Failing that, Betty agreed to pick it and then ignored her own
responsibility to relieve Charlotte of the burden (and yes I
consider it a burden) of keeping her dress safe
Charlotte took custody of the dress but didn’t actually keep
track of it. If Betty wasn’t picking it up, she should have
called either Alice or Betty to remind them before so much time
passed that she forgot.
#Post#: 30444--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: May 4, 2019, 9:02 am
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I agree all three has their part in any blame. But Alice's first
instinct being "is all on you" is a friendship breaker to me. I
don't need friends who think nothing of throwing me under the
bus. At the very least, I'll never do her another favor.
#Post#: 30445--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: May 4, 2019, 9:20 am
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This is why writing labels is a good idea...put a tag on the
hanger with the owner’s name on it, call them, and (if you need
the space freed up sooner rather than later) suggest that if
they don’t pick up the dress in 90 days, that you’re going to be
cleaning the closet and it might be a good idea to come get your
dress. I have heard of people holding onto borrowed clothing
for months, hoping that the owner would just tell them to keep
it...
But being told that it was my fault that the dress was hanging
around my house when I was doing a favor for two friends? Yeah,
last time I store anything that I did not personally borrow.
#Post#: 30452--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: Lilac
Date: May 4, 2019, 11:45 am
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Mostly Alice, followed by Betty. Poor Charlotte ended up in the
middle of the whole scenario through no fault of her own. I
hope either Alice or Betty is sending her a treat or taking her
out to lunch for the trouble and consternation they caused her.
It costs about $15 to send something the size of an adult
woman's dress via Priority Mail, unless it's a wedding dress or
something with special packing. Services like Stitch Fix send
five garments in a box approximately the size of a Priority Mail
large flat rate box. Alice certainly found time to borrow the
item in the first place; she should have MADE time to return it
in person or by post. Otherwise it's like the bridal couple
that finds plenty of time to open their gitfts, but can't seem
to come up with five minutes to write a note, address the
envelope and add a stamp. People like that exasperate me.
#Post#: 30494--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: katiekat2009
Date: May 5, 2019, 12:41 pm
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Alice should have mailed the dress back to Betty.
#Post#: 30505--------------------------------------------------
Re: Accidentally giving away someone else's item - who is
responsible?
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: May 5, 2019, 6:30 pm
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--- Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain link ---
>
> This is all on Betty--it's her dress!
>
> And Alice only came up with an alternate solution because they
weren't able to connect for her to return it directly to her.
She probably should have just sent it by mail.
>
> But once Betty agrees to have Charlotte be an intermediary,
then it's Betty's responsibility to retrieve the dress. It
might not seem fair because she did do a favor by loaning it out
in the first place. But, ultimately, it's her property and so
it's her responsibility to get it back.
>
--- End Quote ---
By all that's holy - how much could it cost to mail a dress
back? Unless it is a hoop-skirted ball gown, a couple of bucks??
If Betty works all day, have it send to a UPS pickup site, or to
her work. Did none of these people think of this?
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