DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 30185--------------------------------------------------
decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Victoria Date: April 30, 2019, 12:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My grandparents are getting older and my grandfather just got
out of the hospital. He's okay, but has been told that he needs
to make dietary modifications and scale back his physical
activity. My grandmother is getting more frail as well and her
eyesight is going due to macular degeneration.
Their house is always clean, even if it's a bit stuffed with
bric-a-brac. But their closets won't open at all, and the ones
that do are stacked to the brim. My grandfather has a garage,
two sheds, and an attic packed with stuff. They keep everything.
My grandma has on more than one occasion confessed to losing
items that she only brings out seasonally (like a particular
Christmas bowl or Easter lamp). She has also been trying to give
my mom random things here and there. I know that in the process
of digging things out and moving things around, my grandma is
starting to stumble a bit and drop things.
It would be a large improvement to their quality of life I could
assist them in rearranging some things or making them more
accessible, or if I could go through something like the KonMari
decluttering method with them on certain categories of items.
But I do think that they'd balk at that, because they're
incredibly frugal and may not see the value in letting things go
or even in rearranging.
Experience has taught me that when one/both passes away,
everyone will look to me both to deal with both the estate and
with the physical stuff. So along with improving their current
quality of life, it would be helpful for the future when
everyone, including myself, is a weepy mess. I'm not necessarily
looking for a solution or any magic words but any experiences
assisting or suggesting decluttering/organization that you have
would be helpful, and I do think it's an etiquette question.
I'll also note that I've had practice guiding my friends through
the KonMari method, and I know that value judgments like "Why
don't you just throw X away?" or "Why do you need that?" aren't
helpful. But with my friends, it's much easier for me to be
blunt and to say "Hey, I noticed you said you had too many
pieces of clothing, do you wanna try this?"
#Post#: 30187--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Kimberami Date: April 30, 2019, 1:23 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I would break the process down into chunks. Since your
grandparents are of sound mind, I would involve them in the
process as much as possible. Something like "Grandma, why don't
we go through your closet this weekend? I would be happy to
take some things to Goodwill (or charity shop of choice). That
will make it easier for you to find things you are looking for."
Then let her help decide what goes. If you find something that
someone in the family might want, send the information along the
grapevine. Give the person x amount of time to pick up the item.
After that it goes to someone or somewhere else. Just a side
note, be sure to check the pockets of old clothes. Weird
treasures like to hide in coat pockets.
#Post#: 30190--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Victoria Date: April 30, 2019, 1:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Kimpossible link=topic=1113.msg30187#msg30187
date=1556648591]
I would break the process down into chunks. Since your
grandparents are of sound mind, I would involve them in the
process as much as possible. Something like "Grandma, why don't
we go through your closet this weekend? I would be happy to
take some things to Goodwill (or charity shop of choice). That
will make it easier for you to find things you are looking for."
Then let her help decide what goes. If you find something that
someone in the family might want, send the information along the
grapevine. Give the person x amount of time to pick up the item.
After that it goes to someone or somewhere else. Just a side
note, be sure to check the pockets of old clothes. Weird
treasures like to hide in coat pockets.
[/quote]
Thank you, this is something I forgot to mention. They are both
of sound mind, but resistant to change. It's not that I want
them to be of unsound mind so I can chuck all their stuff, but
I'm not sure how easily convinced they'll be.
Good note on pocket checking. My grandma has a ton of purses.
#Post#: 30191--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Hmmm Date: April 30, 2019, 1:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Have there been any natural disasters in your area recently? I'm
asking because a few of my friends said they used Harvey to
prompt their parents into getting rid of stuff with a "Mom/Dad,
there are so many people who have lost everything, can we go
through your closet/garage/kitchen to find things that can be
donated?"
While some items were donated, they took a lot of it to a dump.
But they were at least able to get rid of coats that hadn't been
worn in decades, chairs that had been in the garage for 20
years, tools their parents would never use again and kitchen
items that were just cluttering the cabinets. Appealing to their
civic duty worked well for them.
#Post#: 30193--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Victoria Date: April 30, 2019, 1:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1113.msg30191#msg30191
date=1556649277]
Have there been any natural disasters in your area recently? I'm
asking because a few of my friends said they used Harvey to
prompt their parents into getting rid of stuff with a "Mom/Dad,
there are so many people who have lost everything, can we go
through your closet/garage/kitchen to find things that can be
donated?"
While some items were donated, they took a lot of it to a dump.
But they were at least able to get rid of coats that hadn't been
worn in decades, chairs that had been in the garage for 20
years, tools their parents would never use again and kitchen
items that were just cluttering the cabinets. Appealing to their
civic duty worked well for them.
[/quote]
They live in Tornado Alley, but there hasn't been anything
recent. I had planned to suggest dropping off things at a local
charity store (not Goodwill) with a particular mission in order
to appeal to that. They hate throwing things away, but I think
they would be more content if it were going somewhere
"worthwhile." (I also think this is why my grandma has been
sporadically giving stuff on my mom.)
#Post#: 30194--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Carol1412 Date: April 30, 2019, 1:49 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Why not frame it as organizing holiday things? You said she had
trouble locating her Christmas or Easter items - you could help
gather them all in one spot and organize them so she can find
them easier next year. In the process of doing that, you could
help her go through all those things and give away duplicates,
broken or damaged items, etc. Even if she gives them to you and
you give them to Goodwill on your way home...?
#Post#: 30195--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: LurkingGurl Date: April 30, 2019, 1:55 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I would encourage you to simply enjoy your grandparents'
presence.
If they haven't gotten rid of things now, they are unlikely to
change. And trying to get them to change is going to make them
uncomfortable and you, frustrated. You, yourself, already know
that they would balk. So, why are you trying to push it?
In some ways, de-cluttering is a deeply personal decision. And
the process can be exhausting especially for people set in their
ways
A better idea would be to get them to haul some things out and
go through them with the intention of sharing stories and
memories. It will make it much easier for you to know what
things are really worth keeping after they are gone.
But, time is very precious. Don't push old people to do things
you know they don't want to do. Sometimes that becomes a
medical necessity and that's hard enough.
Just enjoy them while you have them!
#Post#: 30197--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Victoria Date: April 30, 2019, 2:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=1113.msg30195#msg30195 date=1556650535]
I would encourage you to simply enjoy your grandparents'
presence.
If they haven't gotten rid of things now, they are unlikely to
change. And trying to get them to change is going to make them
uncomfortable and you, frustrated. You, yourself, already know
that they would balk. So, why are you trying to push it?
In some ways, de-cluttering is a deeply personal decision. And
the process can be exhausting especially for people set in their
ways
A better idea would be to get them to haul some things out and
go through them with the intention of sharing stories and
memories. It will make it much easier for you to know what
things are really worth keeping after they are gone.
But, time is very precious. Don't push old people to do things
you know they don't want to do. Sometimes that becomes a
medical necessity and that's hard enough.
Just enjoy them while you have them!
[/quote]
I do think there are polite and rude ways to go about bringing
it up, but I don't value my own comfort as much as I value
presenting them with the option to have a better quality of
life, or as much as I value knowing that the stack of boxes that
tumbled down on me won't tumble down on my grandmother. Or that
she's not going to be opening up cans of food that expired
several years ago because she can't see the stamp, or straining
and bumping around looking for something and getting upset that
she can't find it. While we haven't totally reached medical
necessity yet, I see the value in at least broaching the subject
now rather than everyone waiting until we have no other options
left or someone's passed away.
#Post#: 30200--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Sycorax Date: April 30, 2019, 2:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I definitely wouldn't recommend being pushy about it!
Even if you can't convince them to get rid of stuff (via
donations or trash), reorganizing would probably make a huge
difference. They'd know where stuff is, and when it's time to
really clean stuff out, the process would be easier.
#Post#: 30201--------------------------------------------------
Re: decluttering/organizing with aging grandparents
By: Chez Miriam Date: April 30, 2019, 3:01 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I had this conversation with my mother [nearly 83] this weekend,
and whilst I had some success last summer organising her
wardrobes [she complained they were too full; I just kept her
focusing on "will you ever wear this again? Do you need 5
almost identical light blue skirts?"], my suggestions about
decluttering [I've been hinting, but she raised the topic] were
pretty much met with Reasons.
"Why not give away the tents/sell them?" - "Oh, but I want to go
camping again!" [I thought I did well not saying "you're nearly
83, you haven't been camping to my knowledge since you were 60,
why are you going to start again now?!!"]
"The books have been breeding again, whilst your back was
turned, why not donate a few of those?" - "Oh, but: Books!" [I
can't talk, but I'm not 83 and saying I ought to declutter!]
I'm not looking forward to after she dies, as I know which of
her children will end up doing all the work [hint: the one that
always has].
TL;DR: Good luck, and I wish you well.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page