DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Weddings
*****************************************************
#Post#: 30360--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Hanna Date: May 3, 2019, 4:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I’m not sure of the true definition but I’ve always thought of
eloping as either sneaking away to secretly get married due to
family objections to the union or an unplanned wedding with no
guests beyond maybe two friends as witnesses. I’ve also always
thought of eloping as happening away from home, at least in the
next town over.
Friends of mine had planned to get married but had not decided
when or where. They texted one day and told the rest of us they
had just randomly decided to go the the courthouse and get
married and it was done. I didn’t consider this eloping at the
time.
Another set of friends that were in a long term relationship
went to Las Vegas and came back married. They had not planned to
get married there. They told their families afterward. I did
think of that as eloping. Only difference was they were away
when they got married.
My friend found a newspaper article about his grandmother’s
engagement after she died and was baffled. The man mentioned in
the article was not his grandfather. Turns out she and his
grandfather had snuck away the same night that a huge engagement
party was held for her engagement to another man. They drove to
the next state over and got married, very much against her
parents wishes. That’s exactly how I thought eloping worked.
#Post#: 30362--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Aleko Date: May 3, 2019, 5:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]I don't know that lack of advance planning was
necessarily a part of the classic Georgette Heyer / Gretna Green
elopement; maybe not months and months, I guess, but a month or
two might be involved in the planning. [/quote]
There would certainly have to be advance planning! If a very
carefully-chaperoned girl, who almost certainly shares a bedroom
with at least one sister if she has any and a servant if she
hasn't, wants to run away with a young man contrary to her
family's wishes, the couple will need a fast getaway vehicle,
some means of her getting out of the house undetected - a rope
ladder from her bedroom window? stolen or illicitly-copied keys?
a suborned sister or servant? a Mickey Finn for an un-suborned
sister or servant, and the guard dog? Or she will have to
arrange some occasion when she's out of the house unsupervised
(very unusual), and her lover can scoop her up into said fast
getaway vehicle; this would typically require collusion with a
friend, and certainly fine timing. However it was to be done, it
could hardly just happen spontaneously.
#Post#: 30394--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Hmmm Date: May 3, 2019, 1:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The definition of elope has definitely changed over my lifetime.
As a young girl, elope meant the couple was running away to
marry because of lack of parent's consent. As a young adult, I
frequently met fully consenting adults who did not need parental
consent or approval who eloped. But they meant they got married
without telling anyone first. The most memorable was around 1990
when I casually asked a co-worker where she went for lunch and
she informed me that her and her boyfriend had gone to the JP
and eloped. Later I remember an employee asking me to take off
work early because her and her boyfriend had decided to fly out
that night to Las Vegas to elope.
I'm now used to thinking of eloping as a spur of the moment
decision to marry, but now it seems to imply anytime the couple
is marrying in a small ceremony. And it appears even Merriam
Webster has addressed the evolving meaning.
HTML https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/read-this-before-you-elope
#Post#: 30432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Aleko Date: May 4, 2019, 5:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]The definition of elope has definitely changed over my
lifetime.[/quote]
In America, evidently yes. But bear in mind - given that this is
an international board - that it has not changed in Rightpondia:
if you use the word elope or elopement to British people, that
will certainly suggest to them that the principals are running
away from family who will try to stop the wedding.
#Post#: 30447--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: jpcher Date: May 4, 2019, 10:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm from Leftpondia (US ;)) and I still think of elopement as
secretly running away to get married.
I like the final quote from Merriam Webster that Hmmm posted:
"So before you get too worried that kids these days use the word
like too much and can’t even figure out the right way to run
away romantically, relax. Take a deep breath. It's true, the
meaning of elope may be as fickle as an inconstant lover’s whim,
but that is as it should be. It is part of the ever-changing
tapestry of our breathing and living language. Can you accept
that?
We do."
LOL!
I think we're getting into symantics here, which is not what the
OP was looking for, but it is an interesting discussion!.
I'm of the mind of one wedding (ceremony) per marriage. However,
it seems that etiquette doesn't always rule.
Case in point: My Niece always talked/dreamed about a
destination wedding. Even as a little girl, she had the whole
thing planned out. When she finally met her DH-to-be and started
discussing wedding plans a destination wedding was problematic
because he wanted his great-grandma and other elderly people in
his family to attend the ceremony and for certain reasons they
were not able to fly to destination.
So they compromised and sent out invitations for two events,
stating please join us at one or the other or both if possible.
The first ceremony was in November (the day after Tgiving) and
it was lovely. Hosted at her mothers home (50+ people) with
mostly his family. She wore a beautiful short, white, lacy dress
and he wore a suit. There was only a maid of honor and best man
attending. Food, drinks, fun ensued. They were officially
married at that time.
Niece still wanted her dream destination wedding (which happened
in May) and while they were married she went out to find the
perfect dress, long gown, off-white (nod toward etiquette?)
gathered her/his friends for bridesmaids/groomsmen and was
walked down the aisle by her favorite uncle who "gave her away"
(Uncle did not attend the first ceremony). I didn't attend this
ceremony, but was sent a video. It, too, was beautiful. They
restated their vows and it was attended by an entirely new group
of people.
Am I going to 'shame' her or otherwise be disgusted with her
etiquette choice? No. Absolutely not. Niece did what was right
for her . . . marrying the same man twice.
Now that I'm thinking about this. I have another niece who was
married last year (baby on the way) at the courthouse, no other
attendees, no whoopla. I received a save-the-date invite for a
reception that will happen in October (Halloween -- yeah, this
Niece is cool like that ;)). Talking to her Mom (my SIL) it
almost sounds like this is something that MOM wants to do for
her daughter. I don't think there will be a ceremony with
restated vows and all that. Simply a celebration of their
marriage.
So my response to ctmichelle is do whatever feels right for you
and your DH-to-be.
#Post#: 30477--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: HenrysMom Date: May 5, 2019, 12:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1111.msg30298#msg30298
date=1556781615]
[quote]My sister and her husband eloped to Reno, then had a big
to-do the weekend after.[/quote]
I have trouble making sense of that sentence. Presumably they
invited their friends and family in advance? - because nobody
plans a big important bash without giving the guests notice of
the date; they surely didn't come back from Reno and only then
ring round their friends and family saying, 'Surprise! We got
married yesterday! Be here and celebrate with us on Saturday!'
In British English, we wouldn't call that eloping, because to us
elope still means what it always did: 'run away together and get
married secretly, so anyone who would try to stop you doesn't
find out till too late'. People still do occasionally elope, for
example young people from different ethnic
groups/religions/castes. But just deciding to do the actual deed
by yourselves with a couple of strangers as witnesses doesn't
constitute an elopement, over here.
[/quote]
Well, actually, they did just that, and his parents had to call
in quite a few favors to get the venue and booze. “Catering”
was essentially both families bringing stuff. I remember quite
a few phone calls flying back and forth that week, and the end
result was all the family in the area coming, with one or two
from the South managing to drive up. It was chaotic, but I
guess everyone had a good time.
#Post#: 30500--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Tea Drinker Date: May 5, 2019, 5:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Not an elopement, but with regard to last-minute catering: I
knew a couple who did a surprise wedding reception by inviting
lots of friends to celebrate the bride's 40th birthday, and then
told people at the beginning of the party that it was also a
wedding. (I would not recommend this as a plan, if only because
there were probably people who declined the party invitation but
would have said yes if they'd known it was a wedding.)
#Post#: 30502--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Lilac Date: May 5, 2019, 6:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think those are the breaks and shouldn't preclude a surprise
wedding.
One of my best friends invited a bunch of people for a "warming"
party for a home addition -- deli trays, kegs, that sort of
thing, mostly outdoors in the fall -- the invitation said "the
new addition, Joe's upcoming birthday and anything else we think
of celebrating." (mailed invitations.) To this day I can't
belive I mised the clue of the LOVE stamp on the envelope -- but
she greeted everyone who walked up the driveway by flashing her
shiny new wedding band -- to the shrieks and screams of some
attendees. They had been married earlier in the day with just
parents and siblings in attendance, on the back porch, by her
favorite minister. She was wearing jeans and a pink flowered
sweatshirt.
A fun time was had by all!
#Post#: 30522--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Aleko Date: May 6, 2019, 3:10 am
---------------------------------------------------------
A party to celebrate 'a new addition'? I'd have assumed they had
a pregnancy (if not indeed an actual birth) to announce!
#Post#: 30527--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: STiG Date: May 6, 2019, 6:25 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm assuming the new addition was an add on to their house. So
a house warming party for part of the house, in essence.
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page