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#Post#: 30095--------------------------------------------------
Reception after elopement?
By: ctmichelle Date: April 29, 2019, 3:50 am
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Has anyone gone to a reception after the couple eloped? Did it
seem like a wedding reception or just like a party? Did it lack
the excitement of seeing the bride the first time, the emotion
of hearing the vows, thing like that?
We were supposed to get married this summer but had to postpone
because my fiance got sick and we wanted to give everyone time
before they made plans and were not sure exactly how his illness
would progress. Fortunately, it all went very well and he is in
remission, but not he just wants to elope on New Year's Day and
have the party later in the summer.
I would really like all the trappings of a wedding, my last one
was 35 years ago, and have the four granddaughters as flower
girls, my daughters as co-matrons of honor, my son walk me down
the aisle, me wearing a pretty dress.
Would it be OK to have a ceremony of sorts before the reception
even if we elope? I know men don't really care about the wedding
details, he keeps saying he just wants to be married, but I like
planing parties and weddings are fun to plan.
I welcome everyone's thoughts on all this.
#Post#: 30096--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: NyaChan Date: April 29, 2019, 6:50 am
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I think if a full wedding is important to you, you should speak
up and have the discussion with your fiancé. After a very
stressful situation, he may be too overwhelmed or burned out to
handle the thought of a big wedding, especially if it is not the
first marriage for you both (assuming you both had a first
wedding). However if it will be a long term regret for you, it
may be worth his roughing it out.
As for your specific questions, I may be more unromantic than
most, but honestly, IMO no one is going to care as much about
the emotion of the ceremony or seeing the bride as much as the
people getting married. You will not be depriving a lot of
guests of anything by having that portion privately unless you
have friends or family members who are very much invested in
being a part of it.
#Post#: 30102--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Aleko Date: April 29, 2019, 8:58 am
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I hate to pour cold water, but in general only proud parents and
little girls who are already obsessed with white weddings really
feel "the excitement of seeing the bride for the first time" -
and even then it's only really exciting if it's her first
go-round. As Nya-chan says, you really won't be depriving your
friends and relations of anything important, if you invite them
to what you can legitimately call a delayed wedding reception so
they can celebrate with you. So this dilemma really is about how
important "the trappings of a wedding" and "planning a big
party" are to you, and how willing - and how able - your fiancé
is to play along if you decide they really are. Consider also:
if the man you love says "I just want to be really married to
you, I can't wait half a year", is that not more truly romantic
than any white dress and costumed entourage?
If you concoct a made-up "ceremony of sorts" before a party held
half a year after your real wedding, an awful lot of even the
people who don't assume you're doing it to fish for wedding
presents will feel uneasy at the fakery of it - because it isn't
your wedding day and you should not try to pretend that it is.
If (but only if) your granddaughters will be actively
disappointed at not having a chance to be flower girls, you can
certainly dress them as such for the party, and have them line
up and process in with you, or greet you with flowers as you
arrive, or whatever. Everyone will sympathise with that.
#Post#: 30106--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Hmmm Date: April 29, 2019, 10:14 am
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In my personal opinion, I think that having a full own wedding
with bridesmaids and flower girls after an elopement becomes
more of you putting on a pageant than planning a wedding. I
understand that you see it as fun and memorable to have your
children and grandchildren so involved. But if you do this, I
would do a very small ceremony with just very close friends and
family in attendance who will truly enjoy that experience. I get
all emotional watching two people, no matter their age, declare
their bound to each other. I don't get the same feeling when I
know it's a re-enactment.
Saying all of that, I'm always happy to attend a delayed wedding
reception with most of the normal trappings of a wedding
reception. I've attended several over the years and it is always
a lovely celebration of the couple. I think the only difference
is there is no bridal party but there is still the first dance,
the toasts and the cakes. Your granddaughters can still be in
lovely dresses and your children sit at a head table with you.
#Post#: 30109--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Luci Date: April 29, 2019, 10:33 am
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I am not a fan of weddings anyway and would find it odd for an
older couple to have one with all the trappings. I don’t get
excited about seeing the bride for the first time unless it is
someone young that I love very much. Usually I go for the
reunion aspect of the reception. I would go to a party planned
to celebrate as long as it isn’t overly focused on the wedding.
Call it a cocktail party.
#Post#: 30119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: TeamBhakta Date: April 29, 2019, 12:36 pm
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[quote author=Luci link=topic=1111.msg30109#msg30109
date=1556552021]
I am not a fan of weddings anyway and would find it odd for an
older couple to have one with all the trappings. I don’t get
excited about seeing the bride for the first time unless it is
someone young that I love very much. Usually I go for the
reunion aspect of the reception. I would go to a party planned
to celebrate as long as it isn’t overly focused on the wedding.
Call it a cocktail party.
[/quote]
I have heard that sentiment before elsewhere & I think the idea
of "You're a bit too old for a proper wedding" is a bit dated.
??? Not to mention it's rooted in sexist notions when it comes
to older brides & is never ever directed at older grooms.
(Obviously not meaning you personally are sexist).
#Post#: 30122--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Hanna Date: April 29, 2019, 12:40 pm
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I think a legal wedding followed later by a ceremony would be
fine. Whatever you do, please do have the party. Friends of mine
did a JOP thing then ever had a celebration and it left us with
no easy to really acknowledge them.
#Post#: 30124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Lilac Date: April 29, 2019, 12:47 pm
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Have to agree with everyone else -- it would be eye-rolling.
Especially if the nuptial couple is in the grandparent
age-range.
Why not plan an elegant, tasteful New Year's Day wedding -- even
if it's just the two of you, you can dress up and enjoy a
romantic dinner somewhere -- and enjoy that? And you still can
have a fancy party next summer instead of a flip-flops BBQ or
casual affair, if that's what you want. Just not a pageant.
You could have:
- a dressy summer tea or "Gay 90s" ice-cream social in a park
pavilion
- a fancy dinner reception in a restaurant or banquet center
- a fancy evening cocktail party in your own backyard
Though to be honest after six months have passed, we I wouldn't
be feeling the wedding vibe very much -- whether the bride was
18 or 80.
I also would raise an eyebrow at a son walking his mother down
the aisle. For one thing, your offspring can't "give you away."
For another, you have been through a lot with your fiance, you
are not a sheltered bride being handed from one man to the next.
I feel you are getting piled on and don't intend to be mean, but
a mature woman who is a mother and grandmother adding all of the
trappings of a big white wedding -- flower girls, walk down the
aisle, etc. -- to a later wedding wouldn't be cute and whimsical
to me, it would be "look at me! look at me!" If you enjoy
being a hostess, plan some parties in coming months with the
centerpiece being your guests' enjoyment.
#Post#: 30125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Jem Date: April 29, 2019, 1:44 pm
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I think you should talk with your fiancé and together decide how
you will marry and how you will celebrate your marriage.
That said, I personally would find it strange for you to have a
big white wedding (whether you are reenacting an elopement or
not) because: 1) it is not your first wedding, 2) it is not your
fiancé's first wedding, and 3) the pageantry you describe with
your children and grandchildren is likely to make some people
uncomfortable for the reasons PPs articulated.
Go ahead and have a party and celebrate your marriage, but be
prepared that some people might find it rather awkward if you do
a big white wedding vibe at this stage in your lives. So long as
you are okay with that, do what you want to do and who cares
what people think!
#Post#: 30127--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reception after elopement?
By: Rose Red Date: April 29, 2019, 2:09 pm
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There are places/cultures/religion where a couple legally get
married and then have a religious ceremony, but it doesn't sound
like the case here?
You can still have the party after eloping. Your granddaughters
can still wear fancy dresses. You and your husband can still
make speeches about your love for each other in front of family
and friends. But having a wedding like you described seems off.
If you really want the trappings and ceremony, I'm afraid my
opinion is that you need to plan one and get married that way
without the elopement first.
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