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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 30350--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: lakey
Date: May 2, 2019, 10:50 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
> « Reply #54 on: May 01, 2019, 11:02:41 am »
> Quote
> Quote from: Winterlight on May 01, 2019, 10:21:55 am
> Kimmy sounds like a pretty awful person. One of these days
she's going to do this to someone who has been told they can't
have children for (painful medical reason) or who has just had a
miscarriage. At that point, she deserves the fallout she gets.
> I agree. Also, this kind of sustained insistence upon
discussing any topic, despite the other person clearly trying to
deflect is really obnoxious.
--- End Quote ---
This is where I fall. I have a sister who is like this. She
starts up about something and she will not stop. If things get
uncomfortable because the victim is frustrated, then that is on
the overbearing person, and I would think that the couple of
other people in the party would understand. I am a traditional
type and would find antinatalist views strange. However, if I
were in a group and a childless person was being badgered about
having children, I would still sympathize with the antinatalist.
People need to learn to mind their own business, and
occasionally the only way to get that across is to be blunt. The
person being badgered in this situation tried to change the
conversation nicely and it didn't work, so she did what she had
to do.
#Post#: 30424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: May 3, 2019, 11:27 pm
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Another possible response Fiona could have deployed, is to say
to Kimmy: "Why are you being so weird about this?"
Because she (Kimmy) IS being weird via her outrageous pushiness
about having children!
#Post#: 30438--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: peony
Date: May 4, 2019, 8:18 am
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When I am pressed and pressed my intention is to respond
courteously, but if it goes too far I tend to lose my presence
of mind and reply strongly and directly. Fiona might have chosen
a different response, but being pestered might have been a
factor in her straightforward reply.
#Post#: 30446--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Dr. F.
Date: May 4, 2019, 9:31 am
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I've been thinking about this, and if I were being relentlessly
harassed by someone like Kimmy, I might claim to be an
antinatalist even if I wasn't, just to get the stupid woman to
shut up and go away.
Honestly, I would be rethinking being part of that friend group.
I would now know that none of them are willing to stand up for
me when I was being attacked and harassed. That's not really
what I want in friends.
#Post#: 30458--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Hanna
Date: May 4, 2019, 12:37 pm
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--- Quote from: Dr. F. link ---
>
> I've been thinking about this, and if I were being
relentlessly harassed by someone like Kimmy, I might claim to be
an antinatalist even if I wasn't, just to get the stupid woman
to shut up and go away.
>
> Honestly, I would be rethinking being part of that friend
group. I would now know that none of them are willing to stand
up for me when I was being attacked and harassed. That's not
really what I want in friends.
>
--- End Quote ---
I thought the same thing. Alternatively someone might say “well
yours haven’t made me want any” just to shut her up.
I must live on a different planet because no one ever bothered
me about having kids. I’m really thankful for that. A few have
asked politely if I wanted them, etc. I personally never minded
that.
#Post#: 30507--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: May 5, 2019, 6:41 pm
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We are childless by choice and long past any remedy for that
(unless, Sarah laughed - see the story of Abraham and Sarah) I
would periodically ask my dh, and he was not for the idea of
children either. We are delighted by other people's kids, just
never wanted any of our own, not vehemently against anyone
having them. Only got badgered once early in our marriage by a
distant nosy husband's relative. My MIL, bless her, saw the
steam rising from my ears, and steered her away.
#Post#: 30513--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Twik
Date: May 5, 2019, 7:50 pm
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I think that they're both being rather rude. Obviously,
hectoring someone over not having children is just totally
awful. But announcing that you feel it's morally wrong to have
children in front of parents is like announcing that meat is
murder at a dinner party just as people are munching their beef
tips. It would be quite possible to say she doesn't have
children because she doesn't want to, rather than implying it's
because she's just a better person than the others around her.
#Post#: 30523--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Aleko
Date: May 6, 2019, 3:17 am
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--- Quote ---
> It would be quite possible to say she doesn't have children
because she doesn't want to
--- End Quote ---
- Cue Kimmy's inevitable response 'Oh, but you'll feel so
differently when you have them!' In fact, for all we know Fiona
did say that, and was brushed aside in some such words.
#Post#: 30530--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: peony
Date: May 6, 2019, 7:14 am
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--- Quote from: Twik link ---
>
> I think that they're both being rather rude. Obviously,
hectoring someone over not having children is just totally
awful. But announcing that you feel it's morally wrong to have
children in front of parents is like announcing that meat is
murder at a dinner party just as people are munching their beef
tips. It would be quite possible to say she doesn't have
children because she doesn't want to, rather than implying it's
because she's just a better person than the others around her.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree , but IMO she was unduly provoked and gets a one-time
pass, under these particular circumstances.
#Post#: 30534--------------------------------------------------
Re: Revealing dissent vs. keeping the peace
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: May 6, 2019, 8:57 am
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--- Quote from: Twik link ---
>
> I think that they're both being rather rude. Obviously,
hectoring someone over not having children is just totally
awful. But announcing that you feel it's morally wrong to have
children in front of parents is like announcing that meat is
murder at a dinner party just as people are munching their beef
tips. It would be quite possible to say she doesn't have
children because she doesn't want to, rather than implying it's
because she's just a better person than the others around her.
>
--- End Quote ---
If a vegetarian is being harassed at a dinner party about why
they eat meat over and over, then it's fine for them to give the
honest truth about why they are vegetarian. And if anyone is put
off by now eating their steak then they should be made at the
person harassing the vegetarian.
How long does a vegetarian have to listen to:
But why don't you like meat?
Is it the texture? Is it the flavor?
Maybe you just haven't tried the right type of meat.
I bet if you tried my chicken you would love it. Would you like
to try a bite of it?
Have you tried veal? Veal is very mild and tender. I bet you'd
love it.
How about fish, do you eat fish? Fish really isn't an animal and
I know lots of vegetarians who eat fish, well one who only eats
shellfish. Why don't you try some shrimp?
Is it a religious issue? What religion are you?
Because in my rule book, after the third attempt of not
engaging, they have every right to state they believe eating
meat is morally wrong. They do not have to hide their opinions
just because they do not mesh with the majority of the people
present.
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