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#Post#: 29900--------------------------------------------------
Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Andi_3k
Date: April 25, 2019, 10:12 pm
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A friend has a situation at Church that I thought would make
interesting conversation.
She makes religious items to pray with. to her knowledge she
is the only memeber of her congregation who makes them and she's
been very generous in donating several dozen to her church. The
few who know who made and donated them include the pastor, the
secretary, the organist and two ministers.
A parent approached the parish secretary to find out who made
them and how to get them to teach her and her child. The parish
secretary promised the parent, in front of the child that my
friend would teach them - at the church on X date, without so
much as asking my friend. No mention of payment for time or
supplies, either.
At services this week the child ran up to my friend and said
"I can't want for X date, so you can teach me to make Y." My
friend told the child she was mistaken and that she was not
teaching said skill and that my friend had no idea where the
child got the idea that she was. The mother interrupted and told
my friend that the parish secretary had promised my friend would
and that the child was excited to learn. Friend said again she
does not teach and that she would not be teaching this time.
The child was visably upset and the mother was insisting that
this needed to be made right for the child.
What are your thoughts, who has to "make this right" and how
much responsibility does my friend bear.
For those who think the child is innocent in this ( and they
are right) - is my friend any less innocent in this scenario?
#Post#: 29905--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: April 25, 2019, 10:55 pm
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Your friend is totally innocent and under no obligation to “make
it right” for the child. Friend should go to the secretary and
ask her in what world was she given authority to speak for
friend or govern her time/efforts? The onus is on secretary to
apologize to the mother for overstepping. If secretary refuses,
then go over her head to the minister or board.
#Post#: 29906--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Luci
Date: April 25, 2019, 11:06 pm
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Another voluntold story at it’s worst. The only guilty party is
the secretary.
#Post#: 29913--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Dazi
Date: April 26, 2019, 6:43 am
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The only guilty party is the secretary.
Just because someone has the skill to make something, it does
not mean they have the skill or patience to teach said skill to
another person, let alone a child. The secretary didn't ask her,
check to see if she would charge for such a service, if she even
provided such a service, or how much supplies would run.
I occasionally craft, and one of my friends wanted to learn how
to do it. She was rather put out that I told her it would be $40
for me to show her how to complete 2-3 small basic projects.
Part of it was just for my time, the other was for supplies
(crafts are not cheap!). She was even more put out when she
asked how much start up cost would run off she liked it and
wanted to do it...I told her a good baseline budget was around
$300 and a good but if that was for the tools and cases. She
opted not to even try it...
#Post#: 29914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: AvidReader
Date: April 26, 2019, 7:03 am
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The parish secretary is the guilty party and should make it
right by apologizing to the crafts person and admitting to
having overstepped to the mother of the child.
That said, depending on the child's age (an older child might
grasp it but it sounds like this was a young child), it might be
a teaching moment for a socially and emotionally mature parent
to talk to the child about the error of "voluntolding" someone,
specifically, committing a third party to a course of action
without their prior knowledge or consent.
Unfortunately, from the way the parent is described, the
teaching moment might not happen.
#Post#: 29915--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: April 26, 2019, 7:16 am
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If they bring it up again, tell them you don't teach and the
secretary was wrong to promise them anything without your
permission. Bring up how they wouldn't want that to happen to
themselves, would they? Suggest they learn from YouTube videos
or books (if there are any).
And yes, have a good long talk to the secretary about promising
a child without permission and making you the bad guy.
#Post#: 29919--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: April 26, 2019, 9:51 am
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Oh yes, the secretary was completely in the wrong. But I am
giving a ding to the mother, too. She should not be insisting
anyone "make it right", especially friend. I understand that her
daughter is disappointed, but this is a learning moment.
Sometimes misunderstandings happen in life. And honestly, if I
had asked the secretary and she set-up this up without so much
as to contacting friend, I would have been suspicious. I would
have contacted friend personally to ensure that this was set-up
properly and in the meantime, explained to my daughter that we
need to confirm things. I think that the mother's "blame" in all
of this is rather minor, as it was a big misunderstanding, but I
still think that she could have done a few things to improve the
situation.
#Post#: 29923--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Victoria
Date: April 26, 2019, 10:58 am
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I blame the secretary and the mother. It should have been pretty
obvious that your friend hadn't been consulted before the
invitation was issued, and the mother should have at least
double checked before accepting an invitation like that.
#Post#: 29924--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: April 26, 2019, 11:01 am
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The secretary was the only one in the wrong. Once your friend
informed the mom that she did not do classes the mom should not
have pushed the topic.
If approached again, friend should just reiterate that the
secretary was mistaken on your friend offering classes and she
must have a different resource in mind and to go back to
secretary to clarify. If the secretary approaches friend, she
should say that she has never has offered classes and she was in
the wrong to suggest that friend would be willing to teach a
class. Then rinse and repeat... "I don't do classes and I have
no idea why anyone would assume I do."
#Post#: 29926--------------------------------------------------
Re: Promises to kids made by a third party on behalf of an
nonconsulted adult.
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: April 26, 2019, 11:30 am
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I think that secretary needs a good talking to about how she is
volunteering someone else's time. Probably the heads of the
church should be notified that this is happening. I've met
other people in religious organizations who believe that
everyone associated with them will be willing to give whatever
is needed for the cause. I imagine that the child will get over
this with no harmful effects. A hard lesson for a child to
learn is that life is not fair.
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