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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 29413--------------------------------------------------
Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Hanna
Date: April 16, 2019, 11:42 am
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I'm in the midst of wedding planning while normal life carries
on at mach speed around me and I struggle to keep everything
going. I'm doing the planning and almost all of the decision
making and I ask for opinions from friends when I want them.
There are some little details that just make me so tickled and
that I just want to share them with someone, but I don't
necessarily want advice. My bridesmaids are really busy with
their lives also, so I don't want to inundate them with the
details just for my own glee.
A family friend is loaning me vases that were used in her
daughter's wedding. I'm delighted by this because it's a sweet
thing to do, I think they are beautiful, one less decision to
worry about and this will save me money. I showed them to
another friend the other night and boy was I sorry!
Here they are just for fun!
HTML https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006V01FAW/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_dtKRCbFYKENJ2<br
/>
My friend proceeded to tell me they would fall over and that
they would get in the way of people trying to see whatever was
going on around the room. The tone was an "I am right and you
cannot use these" tone. I didn't feel like debating or being
forceful in my own town so I just said something like "They were
really lovely at Annie's wedding, so I am sure they will be
fine."
I also got to hear from her and another friend that was present
about what I "must" do the night of the rehearsal - basically
that we "have" to throw a huge dinner. I have done enough
planning around this and set expectations with people already.
We really want a simple evening with everyone from out of town.
There will not be a big country club dinner, sorry folks and no
one that knows us, particularly our little wedding party would
anticipate or even really want that.
I'll do exactly what I have planned to do, regardless. I found
myself pretty stressed after this. I even had nightmares that
night about hosting a party that was a disaster.
What are your tips for shutting people down that are making
something big more stressful for you?
#Post#: 29414--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Jayhawk
Date: April 16, 2019, 11:47 am
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"Thanks, but I've got it under control." (even if you don't feel
like you do!) "Thanks, but this is what works for us." "Why do
you say that?" (only if you really want to know). Just off the
top of my head. I'm sure your wedding will be wonderful!
#Post#: 29415--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: lowspark
Date: April 16, 2019, 12:08 pm
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First off, she's wrong on both counts! I think that those vases
will be lovely.
But yeah, in response to unsolicited advice, just say, "I'll
take that under advisement" Or "I'll take that into
consideration."
Then change the subject. To something not having to do with your
wedding.
#Post#: 29416--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: STiG
Date: April 16, 2019, 1:09 pm
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Pricey little things, aren't they?!?!?
They will look great; they are high enough that unless you have
a lot of trailing foliage, people will be able to see others
around the table under the flowers.
I like the lines suggested above. And I'd stop talking to this
friend about the wedding. (I don't think she's in the wedding
party by how it is worded but if she is, minimize wedding
conversation as much as you can.) Though I would be hard
pressed not to say, 'I didn't ask for your opinion; I'm showing
you what I've decided.'
As for the dinner, I'd have been tempted to ask her, 'Oh, are
you going to foot the bill for that as our wedding present? How
lovely!' And watch her sputter. A girl can dream, can't she?
:D
In my circle of friends, the rehearsal is a more casual thing,
likely to be at someone's home and is a simple meal - cold cuts
and salads, burgers on the grill, etc. I ordered Chinese food.
And had leftovers to eat the day after the wedding. It was
perfect. Lots of choice for everyone, including the vegetarian
and the picky eaters.
#Post#: 29419--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Hanna
Date: April 16, 2019, 2:21 pm
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I def will not mention any more details to her. She's throwing
us a party though!
I would have been less bothered by this if the tone had been
different.
Like if she'd said "Oh pretty, but do you think people will be
able to see across the room from their seats with those?"
Then I could say, "well, they might miss part of our
choreographed "first belly dance and duet" but I think they will
be happy about that."
Tone is everything, isn't it?
STig I think that sounds lovely! Our plan is to tell everyone
to meet us at a really neat outdoor café on the grounds of a
florist/nursery for small plates and drinks. I know that sounds
super casual but I've spoken to quite a few people about it and
shared the links and got very positive feedback. It's a special
little place and will be perfect for our friends/family. Most
people are staying in the same hotel which is downtown, so I
figured people can go out after that if they like. We have a 5
bedroom airbnb close by which allows parties(!), too so having
people there is an option. It's all weather dependent and we
will make a rain plan, of course.
#Post#: 29424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: April 16, 2019, 3:18 pm
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I love those vases! First thing I thought was that people will
be able to see each other because the flowers won't be at eye
level. And I also agree to minimize talk about the event with
this person. The rehearsal dinner should not be a big thing that
would rival the reception for those lucky enough to attend. I
always thought it was just a generous way to get the wedding
party, including parents, all together as some would be meeting
for the first time, and to thank them for all they are doing to
help out. Sounds like you're doing it right - I would love to
attend that!
#Post#: 29427--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: April 16, 2019, 4:01 pm
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I like the shocked chuckle and a "well, I wasn't asking for
advice, but these actually have very heavy bottoms and are also
tall enough to allow people to see without an arrangement in the
way." End with a roll of the eyes, a thanks anyway, and walking
off.
The next time she asks about wedding plans, and she will, do a
"everything is great, thanks" with a tight smile.
For other things like the dinner party a simple "we are very
happy with our plans. I'll let you know when I want advice."
#Post#: 29428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: April 16, 2019, 4:26 pm
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--- Quote from: STiG link ---
>
> Pricey little things, aren't they?!?!? ...
>
--- End Quote ---
That price is for twelve of them!
#Post#: 29432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: STiG
Date: April 16, 2019, 6:35 pm
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--- Quote from: gramma dishes link ---
>
> [quote author=STiG link=topic=1093.msg29416#msg29416
date=1555438168]
> Pricey little things, aren't they?!?!? ...
>
--- End Quote ---
That price is for twelve of them!
[/quote]
I missed that but still a little pricey. Considering that I
bought mine at the dollar store. ;D
#Post#: 29439--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding Planning and unsolicited advice
DIR By: Hanna
Date: April 16, 2019, 8:06 pm
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--- Quote from: STiG link ---
>
> [quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1093.msg29428#msg29428
date=1555450002]
> [quote author=STiG link=topic=1093.msg29416#msg29416
date=1555438168]
> Pricey little things, aren't they?!?!? ...
>
--- End Quote ---
That price is for twelve of them!
[/quote]
I missed that but still a little pricey. Considering that I
bought mine at the dollar store. ;D
[/quote]
I’m so delighted to have use of them for free. 😀
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