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#Post#: 29339--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: DaDancingPsych Date: April 15, 2019, 8:38 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1084.msg29231#msg29231
date=1555030961]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1084.msg29078#msg29078
date=1554751565]
I have heard that with plated food that the polite thing to do
is to take a few polite bites and not worry about finishing. I
am not a huge fan of this when you know that you do not want
something, as it seems rather wasteful. I think that it would be
better to decline. I think that in this specific case since you
made the other cake, that I would decline ALL dessert (even if I
knew that I would enjoy mine.) I think that the polite fiction
of not wanting dessert would be better than selecting my recipe
over the hostess's. If I knew the hostess well, then I might
say, "No sponge cake for me; it's not really my thing. Please
save my piece for someone who will thoroughly appreciate it!"
But I would never want the individual to think that I liked mine
better, especially when I was not even giving theirs a chance!
[/quote]
It is even MORE wasteful for you to put calories in your bodies
that you do not need and do not enjoy. It actively harms you.
Once it's been plated, there is no "putting it back." I agree
that if you can head off the arrival of the food on your plate,
you should.
I would just cut a bite of and smush it around on my plate while
no one was looking, so it looks like you tasted it at least, and
then eat the part you do want.
But it is
[/quote]
I agree with you, Toots, it is harmful to our bodies, too. The
etiquette that I know (assuming that it ever was a thing) is
pretty old and probably from a time when we were all expected to
clean our plates. I think it is more acceptable now to only eat
what you want. Either way, waste to food / waste to body, I am
not a fan.
#Post#: 29340--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: DaDancingPsych Date: April 15, 2019, 8:43 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1084.msg29244#msg29244
date=1555076917]
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1084.msg29224#msg29224
date=1555018088]
I'd eat some or all of both cakes, or none of either.
I can't think of a gracious way for the OP to eat only the
chocolate cake that she made herself and not the cake her
hostess made, or even to eat just a bite or two of the sponge
cake while polishing off the chocolate.
If it would be too hard to eat roughly the same amount of each,
then I'd just say no thanks to dessert entirely. I'd be
disappointed if I really wanted some chocolate cake, but it just
seems too insulting otherwise, as if I were saying, "Only the
cake I made myself is good enough for me; I'm a much better
baker." And it's just a piece of cake, not some huge sacrifice.
[/quote]
I'm sorta surprised that you feel that way. I think we always
say here, and I'm fairly certain you've mentioned it, that it's
rude to notice what your guests are eating or not eating.
[/quote]
I agree that it would be rude for a host to comment on it. And
assuming the best of this host, he/she probably wouldn't. But
etiquette does not stop us from noticing things and the host
might be hurt by the OP not eating the cake (even if no comment
is made). I don't necessarily think that the OP is responsible
for the host's feelings, but I know that I would not be
comfortable doing something that could do just that. Hence why I
would probably skip dessert entirely. Am I over thinking this
and being overly cautious? Absolutely. But in the end I would
feel better and not worry that I had secretly hurt the host.
#Post#: 29347--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Hmmm Date: April 15, 2019, 9:24 am
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[quote author=Contrarian link=topic=1084.msg29293#msg29293
date=1555192819]
I’ve never been at a dinner party where the dessert was plated
first. I’ve only seen this at buffets.
Even with up to twelve people at a table, the host typically
asks each guests what they would like from the two choices of
what ever is available, and it’s not weird to chose one, or both
or none, and during this time the usual table chatter just keeps
going.
I haven’t seen 3 choices unless the third choice is fruit which
is often there to accent one of the other choices.
I’m starting to wonder why I’ve never seen this, I’m clearly
eating with the same group of people all the time.
If I were OP, I would just politely decline any dessert. Surely
some of the other guests are one and not the other slice? I’d be
curious to see what that ratio was like.
[/quote]
I've been to dinners or lunches where the host/hostess will
plate the 2 deserts in the kitchen, offering a little bit of
both, especially if one or both were brought by a guest. My late
aunt would do that as it made it easier for her and she felt it
kept anyone from either feeling like they should turn down
dessert or feeling like they should ask for the dessert made by
their host when they really wanted the chocolate cake they had
brought.
I was at a ladies dinner last month where the hostess did the
same thing. She didn't have to interrupt conversation to ask
which desert each wanted or keep track of how many more slices
of cheesecake versus pound cake versus both were needed.
I am one of those hostesses who feels like I should have some of
the desert or other dish brought by a guest. But after 10 years
of forcing down a little bit of SIL provided flan at each
Thanksgiving and Easter, I finally stopped and hoped no one was
paying too much attention to my desert plate since I am not
supposed to be paying attention to theirs.
I know many are concerned about food waste when doing something
like this.
#Post#: 29363--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: lowspark Date: April 15, 2019, 3:24 pm
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Ok I concede! Y'all are much nicer than I am. ;) I eat enough
and weigh enough that I don't need to be putting extra food in
my mouth on the chance that my hostess will notice my lack of
interest in her dessert to the point of having her feelings
hurt.
As a hostess, I do sometimes notice what people don't eat, just
because I'm cleaning up the dishes. And yeah, as far as I can
tell, no one is feeling that obligation to clear their plate.
Lots of food ends up in the trash for whatever reason. Maybe
they didn't like my food. I dunno. Or maybe their eyes were
bigger than their stomach. I don't get my feelings hurt.
But yeah, I get it. Some people might. Food is a touchy subject
both for the giver and for the receiver. You cook, you want
people to eat. You are a guest, you don't want to make the host
feel like you didn't appreciate their hospitality, but you also
don't want to be eating food you don't like or can't eat for
whatever reason.
I think the fact that dessert is a separate course, served on
its own plate, is playing into this. If you go to a potluck and
don't eat some of every dish, no one notices or cares. Or if
there are multiple offerings at a seated dinner, you might still
pick and choose which ones you want. And if you choose the side
you brought over the side the hostess made, it might not be as
obvious. The number of guests can also make a difference, four
at dinner, versus twelve, for example.
#Post#: 29669--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: oogyda Date: April 22, 2019, 6:04 am
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[quote author=NFPwife link=topic=1084.msg29176#msg29176
date=1554908653]
To the main question I, also, like a simple, "No thank you,"
when the cake is being plated. If it's served to me, I try to
say, "No thanks," before it's set in front of me. If I miss
those two opportunities, I simply don't eat it.
To the side conversation about feeding pets (I think the
original suggestion was facetious) if a family pet is pestering
me for food, I say, "Benji's really working me. Is he allowed to
have (X)? I'm a super-soft touch!" They'll either say "No" and
move Benji along or I'll be allowed to slip Benji some treats.
[/quote]
Yes, it was entirely facetious. Thank you.
#Post#: 34876--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: TootsNYC Date: July 18, 2019, 4:39 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1084.msg29340#msg29340
date=1555335820]
I agree that it would be rude for a host to comment on it. And
assuming the best of this host, he/she probably wouldn't. But
etiquette does not stop us from noticing things and the host
might be hurt by the OP not eating the cake (even if no comment
is made). I don't necessarily think that the OP is responsible
for the host's feelings, but I know that I would not be
comfortable doing something that could do just that. Hence why I
would probably skip dessert entirely. Am I over thinking this
and being overly cautious? Absolutely. But in the end I would
feel better and not worry that I had secretly hurt the host.
[/quote]
That's why you're supposed to smush it around with your fork.
#Post#: 38583--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: BeagleMommy Date: September 12, 2019, 2:41 pm
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I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I
have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat
only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when
my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit
cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to
every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from
wondering if I don't like her food.
My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I
don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but
thanks".
#Post#: 38616--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Venus193 Date: September 12, 2019, 9:46 pm
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[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=1084.msg38583#msg38583
date=1568317306]
I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I
have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat
only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when
my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit
cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to
every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from
wondering if I don't like her food.
My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I
don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but
thanks".
[/quote]
Unless she doesn't know you're diabetic she should know better.
#Post#: 38618--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Luci Date: September 12, 2019, 10:55 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1084.msg38616#msg38616
date=1568342760]
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=1084.msg38583#msg38583
date=1568317306]
I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I
have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat
only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when
my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit
cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to
every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from
wondering if I don't like her food.
My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I
don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but
thanks".
[/quote]
I don’t consume nitrates, caffeine, or alcohol , but I don’t
expect everyone to only have things I can eat. If it’s a sausage
pizza party with Coke or beer, I just eat the salad, water, and
maybe a breadstick. The world can’t stop for me, or push me to
damage my health to be polite.
[/quote]
#Post#: 38634--------------------------------------------------
Re: But But I don't want to eat that.......
By: Jem Date: September 13, 2019, 8:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Venus193 link=topic=1084.msg38616#msg38616
date=1568342760]
[quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=1084.msg38583#msg38583
date=1568317306]
I don't eat things I don't like. I just don't. As a diabetic I
have enough food restrictions to deal with so I am going to eat
only the foods I enjoy. Will I try new things? Yep. But when
my aunt brings her sugar bomb "fruit salad" (canned fruit
cocktail, coconut, marshmallows, and frozen whipped topping) to
every pot luck I am not going to eat it just to keep her from
wondering if I don't like her food.
My usual reply to someone offering me a dessert (or anything) I
don't like is "I've had my share of carbs for the day, but
thanks".
[/quote]
Unless she doesn't know you're diabetic she should know better.
[/quote]
Unless the aunt is trying to force BeagleMommy to eat her fruit
salad, I don't think the aunt is doing anything wrong. It is a
pot luck. Not everyone eats everything. It isn't a gathering of
just the aunt and BeagleMommy, and even if it were, maybe the
aunt wants to eat her fruit salad.
And I 100% agree with Luci: "I don’t expect everyone to only
have things I can eat. If it’s a sausage pizza party with Coke
or beer, I just eat the salad, water, and maybe a breadstick.
The world can’t stop for me, or push me to damage my health to
be polite."
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